Money From Home Page #2

mother crossing the street

with you in her mouth.

You calling my mother a dog?

Of course not.

But would you feel better

if that dog were a cat?

Here we are, Do-Do.

Your home sweet home.

I'll be right back, fellows.

Now, you sit nice and quiet.

Here's your Do-Do. Thank you.

Oh! Do-Do, you've come home!

Oh, bring my darling to me.

Oh, come to Mama.

Her little bitsy pupsy dog.

Is he home from that

nasty old hospital?

Madam, I'll have you know

that Dr. Capulet

does not have a nasty old hospital.

As a matter of fact,

it's so clean you can eat

right off the floor.

Oh, I'm quite sure.

I personally like a table

in the waiting room.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor.

Oh, that's all right.

Oh, I'm not the doctor. I'm Virgil Yokum.

I'm the intern.

But one day I'm gonna be

a doctor, you mark me.

You're quite sure

he's all right now?

Oh, yes, don't you worry,

Mrs. Cheshire.

Do-Do's tail will wag again.

Oh, thank you,

thank you so much.

Do come in while I write

you a check, Doctor.

I'm not the doctor.

Did you hear something?

What?

Strange.

I thought I heard... Oh, well.

Never mind.

There it goes again.

Bells.

That's what it sounds

like, tiny bells.

Oh, that's me.

I'm wearin' them.

You see,

I like animals so much,

I wouldn't wanna hurt

any of them.

We're all God's creatures,

even the ants.

So that's why I wear the bells

at the bottom of my trousers.

So they can hear me comin',

they can get out of the way

so I won't step on 'em.

What a charming notion.

Here, hold Do-Do for me.

I'll write you a check.

Maybe someday everybody'll wear

bells at the bottom of their pants.

Hey, real bell-bottom pants.

No, I'm serious.

Oh, not everybody, Doctor.

Not women, too.

Yes. Of course, they'll

have to wear larger bells

because their pants are

so high from the ground.

Me and my big mouth.

I'd get rid of it, except it's such

a handy place to keep my teeth.

Bye.

Oh! Oh, Doctor,

come back with my dog!

Come back with my dog.

Doctor! Doctor! My Do-Do!

See the way

he likes the hospital.

Oh, he liked it so much

at the hospital,

he wanted to go back with me.

Doctor, your check!

Thank you.

Oh! Oh, uh, Madame!

Yes?

Before I go,

I'd like you to have

a free sample

of our new dog food.

Dr. Capulet

highly recommends this.

It's called "Ruff!"

And it's the only pet food

dogs can ask for by name.

Now it comes in

five delicious flavors,

meat, liver, cheese, fish and

strained custard for the older dogs.

Keep a few cans on your shelf.

It's good to have in case

unexpected dogs drop in.

Bye.

How is it, Doc?

Everything's fine.

No bones broken as you can see.

Are you sure?

I'm quite sure, quite sure.

All he needs now

is fresh air, rest,

and plenty of

leafy green vegetables.

You'll be all right,

Virgil. Don't worry.

Now, if you need anything,

just bark... Call.

Well, you'll excuse me?

I have another dog waiting.

Okay.

You can get into more hot water

than a Scotchman's tea bag.

Why do you always have

to fall on your head?

It's my head. I'm entitled.

Virgil, you're my cousin,

you're all I have

in this world.

You got Catherine.

Catherine's sweet

and I love her,

and I love you

for givin' her to me.

But I'd much rather have you

than any white mouse.

Honest?

You're not just sayin' that because

you wanna borrow more money?

Virgil, how can you even

think of such a thing?

It's easy. All I have

to do is remember.

Forget the past, Virge.

You know what I'm

gonna do for you?

What?

I personally am gonna take you

to a nice quiet spot

for a vacation.

For instance where,

for instance?

Well, there's a little

town in Maryland

where you can get

plenty of fresh air,

leafy vegetables and rest.

Maryland?

Gee, I never been there.

It must be beautiful.

And it's got a girl's name,

like Virginialand.

That's right.

It works every time.

Oh, cut it out. Now come on,

let's go pack our bags.

We're leaving from Penn Station.

I got the tickets.

Already?

How did you manage that?

Did a long shot come in?

One of the longest shots I've

ever been on, kid. Wait a minute.

You sure you're well

enough to travel?

Oh, I'm fine. Feel my nose.

Yep, cold and wet. Come on,

let's go pack our duds.

Wait a minute, Cousin.

If I'm gonna take a trip,

I'm gonna have to say

goodbye to all my friends.

So you go ahead and I'll

meet you at the station.

All right,

but hurry it up, kid,

'cause if we miss this train,

you'll be saying goodbye to me.

You know I don't wanna go.

And I'm gonna miss you.

I hope you're

gonna miss me, too.

Before I go, I want you to listen

to every word I have to say.

Now, there was

a little doggie

And his name was Pete

He was always chasing autos

up and down the street

He got his tail caught

in the back of a wagon

Now his tail ain't wagging

It's dragging

I want you to meet

poor Pete

I hate to have to mention

He didn't pay attention

Now there was

a little monkey

And her name was Dot

She liked to play with matches

when she should have not

She burned her little tootsies

and now she can't jump

This chimp was a chump

And if you think not,

meet Dot

I hate to have to mention

She didn't pay attention

There was a dog

named Nellie

She was quite a bodyguard

Her master said, "Now, Nellie,

stay in your own backyard

"Protect my home and family

"And never, never roam"

But Nellie

just forgot one day

And strayed away from home

She didn't listen very well

Here's Nell

I hate to have to mention

She didn't pay attention

Whether you're

a dog or a bird

You had better

heed every word

And with danger

don't ever flirt

I don't want

no one should get hurt

So be good and careful

from day to day

Don't make a boo-boo

Be careful

While I'm away

Attention, please.

Are you going to Maryland

only for the Gold Vase

Steeplechase, Your Highness?

Is it true you're gonna

buy the horse that wins?

Hey, Poojah, do you take all your

wives with you everywhere you travel?

Buffalo.

Cleveland.

Indianapolis.

St. Louis.

Gate number 12,

leaving in 5 minutes.

What's the Shriner's

Convention in town?

No, that's the Poojah of

Bahloop and some of his wives.

Some of them? How does

he ever take a shower

with all those stockings

hanging in the bathroom?

Attention, please!

Hey!

What's this? I told you

no pets on this trip.

What's a vacation

without your friends?

I've got to have

someone to talk to.

Besides, they're only ants.

And here's my favorite.

His name's Leon.

Leon is the uncle of that one.

And that's the only uncle

in town who's an ant.

You don't think that's amusing?

Come here, Virgil.

Get the bags.

You don't think it's amusing?

No.

Come on.

What's goin' on?

You got any money?

I got to get the tickets.

You said you had the tickets.

I did have, Virge.

But there was

a horse at Jamaica

and I got the feeling

in the seat of my pants,

and so I converted

the tickets into cash.

And Virge, this may come

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