Money From Home Page #5

What about My Sheba,

Mr. Preston?

I have heard that she is a

fine and spirited animal.

Yes, Miss Leigh's horse is

a threat, Your Worthiness,

but I believe I'll win

on Sweep Forward.

Who is riding the Lady's entry?

Some Englishman

she imported, uh...

Oh, there he is now.

With Your Worthiness'

permission.

Oh, Mr. Searles! Mr. Searles!

Oh, hello there, my good man!

What was your name again, sir?

Preston, Marshall Preston.

Oh, charmed, I'm sure.

Oh, I say, you're one of me rivals

in the run on Saturday, eh?

That's right.

They tell me when you ride,

you ride as if you were

a part of the horse.

Would that be a compliment,

sir?

Your Exalted Worthiness,

may I present Bertie Searles.

Awfully nice to make your

acquaintance, Mr. Poojah.

You seem oddly familiar

to me, Mr. Searles.

You were very familiar...

You look quite familiar

to me, too, sir.

Your Worthiness,

this is one reason

I believe I'll win on Saturday.

Oh, you're quite sure

you're going to win, eh?

Yes.

You're positive?

There is no doubt.

I must remember

to put a bet on you then.

You make me feel

as much at home

on a dance floor as on a horse.

You ought to spend less time with

the horses and more time with me.

But you can't win

$50,000 for me.

You sure about that?

Beg pardon, Nelson, old chap!

Oh, Mr. Searles,

then you do dance?

Oh, but definitely.

What's wrong with you?

Honey Talk, I can't go on with

this Bertie business all night.

Well, you gotta.

If you get tired,

go hide someplace.

Where?

Go upstairs,

look for your valise.

Oh, that's an idea! Upstairs.

I'll go get my ant colony.

Toodle-loo.

Have you been

watchin' that Searles?

He's insane.

Oh, he's just uninhibited.

Are you sure you still

want him to ride My Sheba?

Please, don't start that again.

Don't start what?

Don't I get one dance tonight?

Mr. Nelson's a guest.

Preston, every dog has his

day, but the nights are mine.

What didn't you want

him to start again?

It's nothing.

It's just that he...

Well, let's say he doesn't

dance like you do, Mr. Nelson.

Oh.

Here is my casual smile

Playing its part

Keeping the two of us

good friends

Here is my cigarette smoke

Hiding my heart

But here's where

the masquerade ends

Moments like this

Make me thrill

through and through

Careless moments like this

Close to you

Nonchalantly we dine

And we dance

Yet my heart seems to melt

In your glance

Sweet moments like this

With the soft lights aglow

Make me long for your kiss

Though I know

I'd be just one of all

Your affairs

But at moments like this

Who cares

There you are!

Leon! I'm here, Leon.

There you are,

you little rascal.

Come on, let's go.

Nelson! Where are you, Nelson?

I will not be

manhandled by menials!

I demand to see

the British Consul!

Where is the British Consul?

Nelson!

What's this all about?

I am Bertie Searles,

dear old boy,

and I demand to see my cohort.

Nelson!

You're Bertie Searles?

Never mind Bertie Searles.

I want...

Oh, Nelson!

This man's an impostor!

Come on.

Who is this alcoholic?

Oh, he's just a drunk.

I'll... I'll get rid of him.

There you are,

you little bugger.

Oh, I say, Nelson, all's well.

I found me ants.

Oh, there's my other little friend.

Bertie!

Bertie, come back here!

This man claims to be you.

Now you tell these people

he's an impostor.

By Jove, Nelson, you're right.

He's not me.

That's what I said.

How can he be you

if you're you?

Splendid deduction, Nelson.

I'm me and he's he.

It's as plain as

the nose on me head.

See. Now, you people

go ahead and dance,

and we'll get rid

of this drunken nuisance.

I'll help you, Nelson.

Right this way.

You're very helpful.

I just want a small whiskey.

We'll get you

a drink, stranger.

Will you help me?

I want my whiskey!

All right, we'll get

you a drink just...

But I want it immediately!

Oh, my ants!

Let's get him outside.

Come landlord

fill the flowing bowl

Until it...

Virge, go grab a hack,

get him into town,

and don't let him out of your sight!

Okay.

Doth run over, Oh, Landlord

Nelson!

Who was that man?

What did he want and

what was he doing here?

Sorry, I can't answer

your question, teacher,

but I didn't do my homework.

I want to talk to you, Nelson.

I just talked to you. Now, get

your meat hook off my arm.

And get your eyes off me, too.

You're burning

my shoulder pads.

You don't belong in Maryland, Nelson.

You or your friends.

You and Mr. Preston seem to be

getting on like two strange cats.

He's the strangest cat

I ever met.

Oh, you naughty boys, you!

Shame on... Shame on you.

Come back. Come back here.

Come on.

Ants.

Leon!

Don't hurt him! Don't hurt...

Wait, I'll get it. I'll get it.

That's not Leon!

I say, Arthur,

have you seen Leon?

Leon!

Leon, see what

I go through for you.

Now, where are

your brothers and sisters?

Strangest dance I ever saw.

Oh! Get it off me!

I've got a little bug

biting me!

Here!

Fellows, it's me, Virgil.

Fellas, fellas. Oh, no.

No, no.

Fellas, fellas.

It's Virgil!

That's a new beat on me,

but let's pick it up.

Oh, fellas!

Virg... It's Virgil! Oh.

Well, now we've got

the chaser, old man,

how about the whiskey?

Oh, go away.

Are you always a

vegetarian, Mr. Searles,

or only when you're

in training for a race?

Oh, he's always a vegetarian.

Never eats meats of any kind.

Ever since the day in Africa,

he was run down

by a water buffalo.

Horrible experience.

Oh, yes, disgusting encounter.

Is that all you eat,

Mr. Searles?

Oh, no. For lunch, I usually

take a glass of persimmon juice,

some bay leaves and sour cream

and a bowl of bloated oaties.

Oh, that's an English cereal.

Right-o. It's the luncheon

of champions, you know.

As you Americans say, when you douse

the little blighters with cream,

the cereal snap,

crackles and pops.

With us it just

lies there and groans.

More coffee, Miss Leigh?

No, thanks.

I think we really

should get started.

My Sheba is waiting

for Mr. Searles.

Oh, I say, why don't you two

just dash ahead

and tell her

I'll be a little late?

I'm still terribly hungry.

Look, when we get to the barn,

if you're still hungry, you

can munch on some alfalfa.

Oh, I say,

that's a splendid idea.

I haven't had any alfalfa since I

brunched with the Duchess of Muchess.

Look at that poor little dog!

Oh! Get the number of that car!

There are no more cars, Bertie.

Oh, by Jove, you're right, sir.

So sorry.

Oh, you were wonderful,

Mr. Searles.

Thank you, but I think

the poor dear is hurt.

Is there a veterinarian about?

Well, there's Dr. Claypool

down the street.

Splendid. But what

about My Sheba?

Oh, I'm certain My Sheba

is an intelligent animal,

but I know a veterinarian

will do a much better job.

Come on, Mr. Nelson.

Goodbye. See you next week.

Bye. Mmm-hmm.

Good morning.

What can I do for you?

Oh, I think

the poor little blighter

has busted

her blooming scapula.

What? I say, I think...

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