Money From Home Page #4

I'm feedin' the moths.

Nobody ever feeds moths.

In a private home

there's always something

in the closet

for them to munch on.

But in a hotel room,

they can't even grab a snack.

Now, that's enough for you.

You'll get fat.

Sit down.

Play with the caterpillar

you found and listen to me.

Oh, yeah.

Bertie's our pal,

he's our benefactor.

We gotta help him out.

If Miss Leigh sees him in that

condition, she'll fire him.

Now, wouldn't that be terrible?

Awful.

Oh, there he is.

You're not payin' attention.

Oh, yes I am, but I have to

give my caterpillar some grass.

Oh! Hey, Honey Talk, look,

my caterpillar!

He graduated to a butterfly!

Virge, you're not listenin'

to what I'm tellin' you.

I'm listenin'. You don't want Miss

Leigh to fire Bertie. I heard.

Fly on,

oh, fragile-winged thing.

Fly up and out,

into the gentle zephyrs

of springtime.

I just made that up.

Isn't that poetic?

It brings tears to my eyes.

Will you sit down

before I knock you down?

You wouldn't dare.

I wouldn't?

You wouldn't dare hit me.

Because you love me too much.

I do?

Go on, say it.

You wouldn't dare hit me

because you love me too much.

All right, I love you too much.

To what?

I love you too much to hit you.

See, I knew it.

So sit down before

I knock you down.

Virge, there's only one way

to save Bertie's job for him.

When Miss Leigh gets here,

somebody else

has got to be Bertie Searles.

And I suppose you expect me

to pretend I'm him.

Well, ho-ho and ha.

That's a jolly notion.

You know, I wasn't thinking about

you, but since you mentioned it...

I mentioned it?

I would like you to know

you're putting words into my

mouth and I don't like it!

Keep your hands out of there!

It's very unsanitary.

What are you talkin' about?

You're a fine actor.

I am?

You can do anything.

I could? Sure.

Remember last summer,

Far Rockaway?

Yeah.

The Little Theater Club?

Uh-huh?

You were great! I was good.

Sensational! Terrific!

What did they call you

along the beach that summer?

I remember.

The John Barrymore

of the clam diggers.

That's right. You were superb!

Yeah, I was.

I did Shakespeare,

Romeo and Juliet.

You played Romeo.

No, Juliet.

I had much longer hair

then. Remember?

Oh.

"Romeo, O, Romeo!"

No, like Bertie would do it,

with a British accent.

By Jove, you're right.

Good, good.

Splendid.

"Romeo, O, Romeo!

"Wherefore art thou O, Romeo?

"Deny thy father

and refuse thy name."

Terrible storm!

I must notify the Captain.

Captain. Captain!

"Or, if thou wilt not,

be but my sworn love,

"And I'll no longer

be a Capulet."

Wait there's more.

"'Tis but thy name

that is my enemy.

"Thou art thy..."

Bertie, don't you think

that's enough?

You may be boring Miss Leigh.

Oh, not at all.

You're charming.

"O Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou O, Romeo?"

Bertie!

Romeo.

I... I... I say, y-you'll have

to forgive me, Miss Leigh,

but I get so carried away when

I do Shakespeare, you know?

Why, that was beautiful,

Mr. Searles.

Oh, I say, you're quite nice.

Thank you.

I hope you get along

with My Sheba

as well as you do

with Shakespeare.

Oh, better!

Bertie's the greatest rider

to ever straddle a horse.

Oh, I say, my good man,

I never saddle me horses.

I have a stable boy do that.

That's straddle, not saddle.

There's an "r" in it.

Oh, I say,

by Jove you're right, sir.

An "r" in it, then we should

have tea and oysters.

That's a pun, you know.

Oysters, "r" in season, "t."

You're not laughing,

Miss Leigh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was thinking about...

You were thinking?

Oh, you colony folks,

still thinking about the

tea tariff, I suppose.

Which reminds me, I say the

lady's run out, Nelson.

Let's be a little more hosty here.

What do you say?

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Please forgive me.

I'll never travel

on this line again.

Those kids are dancin'

up there again.

Oh, I say, be quiet up there!

They're very noisy neighbors.

Sweet? Well, yes.

Don't tickle. Oh, Bertie!

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

So accustomed to feeding

horses, don't you know?

Mr. Searles, I hope you realize

the importance of

Saturday's race to me.

Naturally.

Marshall Preston's

our only real competition.

That's why I simply had to

get the best for My Sheba.

You know my life depends

on this race, Mr. Nelson.

Mine, too, Miss Leigh.

W-Well, keep a stiff

upper lip, both of you,

chins high

and all that sort of rot.

When Bertie Searles plays the

game, he plays it to win.

Well, I must be off.

I've got to dash off

a few notes to my pater.

Your what? That's

mother, you know.

Oh, be at it, be at it.

Toodle-loo.

Very close family ties.

Isn't he rather... Well, yes.

Unusual? Well, aren't we all?

What I mean is...

Well, you're unusual.

You're not, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, wait till you

get to know me better.

Every now and then I get a feeling

right in the... Right here.

We really should be going,

Mr. Nelson.

We?

Well, Mr. Searles and I, to get

him acquainted with My Sheba.

Will you call him, please?

Oh, there's time

for that later.

I'd much rather wait

till he settles down.

Oh, I hope he'll be settled

in time for the ball tonight.

Ball?

At the Hunt Club,

in the Poojah's honor.

Does Mr. Searles know

about the Poojah?

Oh, he knows

all about the Poojah.

He's expected to be there.

Well, we'll both be there.

Good. But don't you

bother looking for me

'cause I'll be the friendly

fellow you'll be dancing with.

Oh, well, that should be a very

interesting dance combination,

you, me and Marsh Preston.

Bye.

Bye.

You'd be much better off taking

My Sheba out of the race.

Let me win, then marry me

and half the money is yours.

No, thanks, Marsh, I prefer

winning all of it for myself.

Even if it means losing me?

Particularly.

Again?

Again.

Can't you find someone

else to dance with?

Is that a suggestion

or a proposition?

Go chat with Bertie,

Mr. Preston.

Pick up a few pointers

on ridin'.

Frightfully nice club

you have here, frightfully.

I say, but it is

a bit dusty, what?

Dusty? Heavens,

it can't be dusty!

It can't? I say.

Oh, for heaven's sakes,

it's me monocle.

How stupid of me.

Boy. That is better.

How about some punch, Bertie?

Oh, I don't mind if I do, sir.

As a matter of fact, it

makes me feel quite nice.

I haven't felt this good

since I left London Town.

Oh, I say, how is

dear old London Town?

I don't know...

Oh, I beg your pardon, sir.

I said, how is

dear old London Town?

Oh, it's...

Oh, yes, of course.

You know when

I was in England...

November 21st.

Well, it was awfully nice

chatting with you, sir.

Toodle-loo. Oh, toodle-loo.

I say, it was nice

having a chat

with a fellow from

home again, you know.

Yeah.

He is an extraordinary chap,

isn't he?

Couldn't understand

a word he said.

Quite so. Ain't he quaint?

Oh, really, Searles,

if you'll pardon the

correction to your grammar,

one doesn't say "ain't."

It's "isn't."

Oh?

Isn't he quisn't?

Really!

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