Money From Home Page #7

Virgil,

but I know

something about people, too.

Right now, Doc,

I feel more like an animal.

Oh, that was wonderful.

And you're so virile!

No, I'm Virgil.

It kind of frightened me, too.

Oh, I... I... I liked it.

Really, I did.

Me, too.

That's what frightened me.

Well,

do you... you think

you'd like to be my partner?

Well,

yes!

Honey Talk or no Honey Talk,

I'm gonna go get Bertie Searles

and have him meet

My Sheba right now.

And she's gonna win for us!

For us.

Autumn Claypool

and Virgil Yokum,

the Mayo brothers

of the animal world.

Oh, Virgil!

Come on, let's go!

Yes!

I'll bet Honey Talk isn't havin'

as good a time tonight as I am.

Wouldn't life be wonderful

if we had no cares?

You mean you have troubles?

Believe it or not, but all

this land where the club is

used to be part of our estate.

There were thousands

of acres out there.

But I guess we Leighs aren't

very good business people,

'cause every generation seemed

to have lost something.

I'm the last of the Leighs.

My 50 acres over there

is the last of our estate.

As long as you go with it,

it's still worth

a king's ransom.

The house, the barn, My Sheba,

that's about all there is.

If we don't win that race

Saturday, there won't be that.

You mean the old homestead's

got a plaster on it?

Plaster?

The place is mortgaged.

Not quite that melodramatic.

But I am in debt up to here.

When I was a kid, I remember a

story about Rumpelstiltskin.

He spun straw into gold.

I got a feelin'

old Rumpy's still around.

There's nothing subtle about

you, is there, Mr. Nelson?

Oh, subtlety's for citizens

with lots of time.

What's your hurry?

Never mind that.

Just ask me if I'm happy.

Why?

Nobody ever asked me before.

Are you happy?

You really want to know?

Well, yes.

I'm miserable.

All my life

I've been on a trot,

searching for a shortcut

to happiness.

And just when I figure

I'm in a winner's circle,

I'm fingered by fate.

Well, haven't you heard?

There's no such thing

as happiness.

We just have to be happy

without it.

Don't you hit me,

Herman "Honey Talk" Nelson!

I'm not gonna hit you.

You're not?

No, I wanna apologize

for losing my temper before.

You do?

And I want to

make it up to you.

So go ahead and hit me

right square on the jaw.

Oh, I couldn't do that,

you're my favorite cousin.

Slam one in there.

I deserve it. Hit me!

You want me to?

Yeah.

Oh, I couldn't do that,

I'd hurt my hand.

Okay. Will you shake?

Sure. Shake.

No, not that way.

Oh, well,

I got something to do.

No, I wanna talk to you.

No, I'll only be a minute.

I just want to talk to you...

Some other time. Will you

listen to me just a second?

Now, something's

happened to me.

Something awful and beautiful!

What?

A doll has busted up the romance

I've been having with myself.

Miss Leigh? There must be

something in the air down here.

Yeah, and it all started

with what you said, I guess.

About thinkin' of other

people for a change.

And I've been thinkin'

about Phyllis

and she's got to win

that race Saturday.

Do you really mean that,

Honey Talk?

I'm as level as a cop's arch.

And I'm for getting Bertie out

to meet My Sheba right now.

I... I knew you'd do the

handsome thing, Honey Talk.

After all, we're cousins. My mother

and your mother were mothers.

Well, of course they were.

Well, that means we both have

Fendelshissle blood in our veins.

And we gotta keep it there.

Come on, we'll get Bertie.

Get him. Come on now,

into the shower.

Into the shower. We're

goin' horseback riding.

W-Why?

I got him.

I got him, Honey Talk.

Horses in the shower?

That's very odd.

Ok. All right. I got him.

It's... It's... It's the middle

of the night, old chap.

Racing's the sport

of kings, not owls.

It's the horse's fault.

She can't sleep

before a big race.

And she wants to meet you.

Leigh estate, driver.

Hey, wake up!

Get me to the Leigh estate.

Quick!

Aren't you going

overboard rather quickly

for a man you hardly know?

One kiss in the moonlight

hardly means a romance.

And besides, what right

do you have to follow me?

It was purely accidental

that I saw you,

but it was lucky

for you that I did.

I did some checking up

on your Mr. Nelson.

The man is no good.

He's a racetrack gambler.

And your gentleman rider is

neither a rider nor a gentleman.

You're lying and I don't

want to hear any more.

You can find your own way out.

I'm going to bed.

Why? You won't go to sleep.

Now, let's have a sensible talk

and I'll show you

how to be a Leigh

and a smart

businesswoman beside.

So that's My Sheba.

Well, well, old girl,

we meet at last.

Say, old boy, she's a bit

antisocial, isn't she?

If you ask me, I'd say

she's downright mean.

Here, horsie.

Nice horsie. Pretty horsie.

She looks like an old

civics teacher I once had.

Is that so?

She's very sociable.

Come on in and get acquainted.

Yes, of course.

Oh, my.

I say, she's about as

sociable as Attila the Hun.

That's not very nice,

you naughty girl.

Well, maybe Virgil ought to

take her out of the stall.

No, no, old man.

If I am going to ride her,

I must show her who is master.

Stand back, please.

See? Use the

psychological approach.

Don't you hurt her now!

I won't.

I still think you're foolish

to enter My Sheba in the race.

Now, why don't you

listen to reason?

Someone's in the barn!

Are you hurt?

I hate to say this, old boy,

but I don't think she likes me.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Well, I'll go bring her out.

Then you can show her

who's master.

Don't hurry, old man.

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

You are not conducting

yourself like a lady at all.

Now, you behave yourself

and simmer down.

Oh, this is a real crazy horse.

Somebody must have been

spikin' her oats.

No, she's a nice horse.

Now, the little man's

not gonna hurt you.

The little man just

wants to ride you.

The little man just wants to

break the big horse's neck.

Shh. She understands.

Mr. Nelson!

What did I tell you?

What's he doin' here?

As inappropriate a question from

you, Nelson, as I can imagine.

Who are these people?

I say, fancy

meeting you here, sir.

Oh, you sound

like my Uncle George.

Oh, I do? Yes.

That chap, the drunk

who crashed the ball.

I don't think we've met.

What's going on here, Nelson?

What are you doing in

my barn after midnight?

Well, I wanted Bertie to meet My Sheba.

Well, you see, Miss...

I want a direct answer

from you, Mr. Searles.

Well, the chaps just wanted

me to meet the horse.

Will you answer me?

Are you or are you not

the person

you represent yourself

as being?

The truth? Of course, the truth.

I'll answer that.

And the answer is no.

He told the truth.

Yes, it's the truth.

I'm a phony, he's a phony.

And I'm confused. Shut up.

I mean, I was a phony.

Thank you, Mr. Nelson.

At least you're honest

about your dishonesty.

Oh, yes, he's honest now,

Miss Leigh, on account of you.

Are you quite satisfied,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes