Money Monster

1

Bells will ring

at the New York Stock Exchange

for another day, on this March 18th.

Okay, here we go. Are you listening?

Are you paying attention out there?

Good. Because it's about to get complicated,

so I'm gonna start out slow

and make it nice and simple for you.

You don't have a clue where your money is.

See, once upon a time,

you could walk into your bank,

and they'd open a vault

and point to a gold brick.

Not anymore.

Your money, that thing that

you bust your ass for...

It's nothing more

than a few photons of energy

traveling through a massive

network of fiber optic cables.

Why'd we do it?

We did it to make it go faster.

Because your money better be fast.

Faster than the other guy's.

But if you want faster markets

with faster trades,

faster profits, faster everything,

sometimes you're gonna blow a tire.

And that is exactly what happened yesterday

at 1:
07 p.m., Eastern Standard Time.

After heavy after-hours trading,

Ibis's stock price took an historic $67...

...run by high-frequency

trading pioneer Walt Camby,

disclosed that an algorithm managing

its portfolio suddenly went haywire.

The trading algorithm seems to have

experienced an unexplained anomaly.

A glitch.

Shares of Ibis Clear Capital

getting killed this morning.

...net loss of over $800 million.

- It has gone haywire.

- An algorithm...

- ...glitch...

- ...a glitch...

- ...glitch!

- A glitch.

Okay, so Ibis took a beating yesterday,

but if you've been paying attention to me

for the past 16 months,

Walt Camby has made you a lot of money.

But if you were late to the party,

I'm not going to sugarcoat it,

you got your ass smacked yesterday.

But this is only the first round.

Because this, my friend, is an opportunity.

So here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna stop whining,

and you're gonna get back in the ring

because this stock is coming back.

You know what that means?

Let's go throw some punches.

My money ain't funny and it keep comin'

I welcome the money and the cash

What do you mean he's ordained?

No, on a plane, Lee. A plane.

All right.

That makes more sense.

Wait, Walt Camby's on a plane?

Can you pick up the pace, please?

It's like dealing with my grandmother.

Come on, I'm not having a conversation

with you through the goddamn door.

All right, I'll leave it open next time.

Wait, now, why the hell would Walt cancel?

He called me from Geneva yesterday.

I don't know. He's on a plane.

And how are we just

finding out about it now?

That is a great question.

You can ask him

the next time you talk to him.

Here.

First one's a yes. Second one's a no.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Third one's just a signature.

- Ten minutes, Mr. Gates.

- All right.

- Thanks, Gen.

- Yep.

The fill-in's name is Diane Lester.

They're setting up her remote feed now.

- Who the hell is Diane Lester?

- She is the Chief Communications Officer.

She wrote all the talking points anyway,

so should be fine.

When am I getting

the revisions for the opening?

Ah, we're making some changes on it.

Anybody seen Ron?

Might I get those before the show

or after the show?

You know the drill.

You just point the camera in my direction,

and we'll figure it out together.

It always sounds so simple

and yet so moronic.

All right. Look out,

fellas. Here we come.

- Edgar Rosenthal's office called.

- Mmm-hmm.

- He can't make dinner tonight.

- Thank Christ.

Dinner at the nursing home with my nan

is more exciting than dinner with that guy.

This is the 7th reschedule.

So can I just move it to the TBD list?

Wait a minute, it's the 7th time

he's rescheduled on me?

Yes, that's correct.

That's ridiculous. I'm calling him on his cell.

Well, his office said that he's in a meeting.

- Hey, Freddy, nice call on the yen yesterday.

- Eat a dick, Lee.

Domo arigato!

Lee, this is Diane Lester.

Alan, can you bring

the boom in for me, please?

Ed! It's Lee lacocca.

Listen, I changed my mind

on this whole retirement thing.

Turns out I want your job after all.

Yeah, it's Gates.

Okay. All right, I'll talk to you later.

All right.

So no dinner.

Lee.

Follow the noise. Diane Lester.

- Memo of, uh, talking points.

- Hello? Hello?

You guys at Ibis can't do anything

right these days, can you?

Look, I'm really sorry to put

you in this situation, Lee.

If it was something we could control,

believe me, we would.

I'm not the enemy here, Diane.

I'm friendly fire.

We know that. If you read my talking points...

Guy's a billionaire.

He owns how many jets?

- ... Walt has already addressed the glitch...

- Five minutes!

'Cause commercial flights, they get delayed,

but private ones,

they get to do whatever the hell they want.

- Ron! Where's Ron?

- I'm not sure. But here's a list of dinners...

We'll be with you in less than five, Diane.

Look at that. I wouldn't invite

any of those people to an audit.

Ron!

Ron. There you are.

Is that my Canadian commodities data?

- Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

- Mmm.

Sorry, I just ran all the way

back from the Village.

I had a meeting with Tony Biscano

at Licem Pharmaceutical.

Lee, I'll be in your ear.

He gave me this.

- What is it?

- It's erectile cream.

Tony Biscano of Licem

gave you erectile cream?

Yeah.

I guess I wasn't aware of the exact nature

of your relationship.

They've been testing this thing

for over a year

and the approval from the FDA

finally came in last night.

- Mmm-hmm.

- They're sending out a press release...

- And it works?

- Apparently, yeah. Pretty damn well.

- Have you tried it?

- I just got it, 30 minutes ago.

- What the hell are you waiting for?

- You want me to...

We're on in five minutes, aren't we? Put it on!

Uh, Mr. Gates, you need this.

Don't forget your talking points.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Put it on my desk.

Okay, where is Diane Lester?

She's all checked in on remote six.

Who writes this sh*t?

- Is the graphics package loaded?

- Last one is just coming in.

Great.

We are still working off the rehearsal script

for the opening, guys.

But he didn't even stick

to the rehearsal script at rehearsal.

- So, about dinner... Did you...

- Okay, you wore me down.

I'm sorry?

I'll go to dinner with you.

We'll go to Scalinatella's, let's say 9:30?

I still have a boyfriend, Lee.

Just like I did yesterday.

Yeah, he's still a bartender in Hoboken,

like he was yesterday.

- Will this work, boss?

- This is a stuffed parrot.

I said I wanted a live pigeon.

Patty, God damn it.

We don't have a live pigeon.

- Admit it. You're gonna miss this.

- You can't find a live pigeon?

I'm sure there are plenty of

emotionally stunted 7-year-olds

hosting TV shows across the street.

Thank you.

Cover yourself...

Roll with yourself in breadcrumbs

and bring a f***ing bird up here.

Jim, can you punch Diane

up on the preview for me, please?

Sure. There she is.

Patty? Patty?

- Hi, Diane, can you hear me?

- Uh, Yes. Yes, I can.

Lee has read the talking points, right?

Because I'm in a tough position here,

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