Money Monster Page #2

and I just want to make sure

that he sticks to the script.

He will. You know us, Diane.

We don't do "gotcha" journalism here.

Hell, we don't do journalism, period.

Scream one is up.

Check. Check. Check.

Money... Money... Money Monster.

About time.

All right, I'm ready.

So, here's a novel idea.

How about you just pick up

some takeout on your way home.

Oh, God, stop. I'm getting depressed.

Get into your most comfortable

pair of pajamas.

Oh, no, no, no. This isn't really

a Friday night for you, is it? Can't be.

- Curl right up in front of the TV?

- Oh...

It's 'cause the idea of television and pajamas

and takeout, good God, it's like...

You get a pool cue, and I want you to

sharpen it down to a fine point.

And I want you to shove it

straight through my eye.

- Hold on a sec, Lee.

- Right into my brain.

You're killing me here, Lenny.

Check your mark, please.

You know what? I drifted and I forgot to lock.

Balls.

That's it.

I would rather you do that

than sitting at home in my underwear

watching "Suck-My-QVC."

Oh!

Look at the new guy.

Where's Leroy? Finally canned his ass.

One minute to air.

One minute. Clear the stage, please.

Patty, honest answer.

How many nights a week

do you eat dinner in your pajamas?

Like, on average, over the course

of my life? Or just since James left?

Listen, listen.

Because I haven't eaten dinner alone

since the '90s. That's hand to God.

Well, that's just awful.

That just makes me feel sorry for you.

Why do you feel sorry for me?

Hang on, Patty. Just one second.

Ron, you walking hard or what?

Oh, uh, this stuff is incredible.

I'm talking zero to 60 in, like, 20 seconds flat.

Good, so it's a buy, then.

All right. Put it away and find me

a better lead for next week's show.

Put it away?

- Lee, necklace.

- Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

30 seconds to air. 30 seconds.

Where's my hat?

Can we turn down the contrast

on her a little bit, please?

Sure.

- How's that?

- That's better. Thank you.

- Fifteen seconds.

- Okay.

Here we go. Good luck, everybody.

- Open on VT 16.

- Ten, nine...

- Coming out of the opening to camera 3.

- ...eight, seven...

Six,

five,

four,

three, two,

- one.

- Track rollup.

Here he is,

the wizard of Wall Street himself, Lee Gates.

My money ain't funny and it keep comin'

I welcome the money and the cash

My money ain't funny and it keep comin'

I welcome the money and the cash

At the welcome mat swollen fat

In stupid stacks, the cash

My money ain't funny and it keep comin'...

Thank you very much.

The name is Lee Gates.

The show is Money Monster,

the day is Friday,

and the Dow has dropped a seismic

seven points this morning.

- Ready scream one.

- So what does that mean for the market...

Should you...

Ready cheer three.

- ...or should you...

- Roll.

And the answer is,

who cares about the Dow?

It's a measly 30 companies.

So why do you people

keep paying attention to it?

Well, probably because

our network insists on tracking it.

- Right here at the bottom of the screen...

- Not sticking to the script.

...in large font all day.

- Why does he keep talking?

- And why do they do that?

Sacajawea, Lee.

Because you people keep paying

so much attention to it.

Sacajawea.

- And the circle just keeps on turning.

- Shut up.

Thank you.

So let's try to ignore it.

Let's try to ignore it for one day.

One day, and talk about the thing

that everybody else is talking about.

Ibis Clear Capital is down another quarter

to $8.40,

but rather than grabbing the third rail

and losing control of our bowels,

we here at Money Monster like to go...

Straight to the Source!

Straight to the source.

As it turns out, Walt Camby is

35,000 feet in the air right now,

but we have somebody

far prettier right here at sea level.

It's his right-hand gal, Diane...

- It's Lester.

- Lester.

Is gonna be on the show

in a little while to explain

not only what went wrong last week,

but, more importantly,

what they're gonna do to fix it.

But first,

let's talk market Movers and Shakers.

Jim, cue clip package two and three

in case he skips one.

Two and three?

You're wondering,

"Should I sell? Should I unload?"

You know what I'm gonna say to you.

Roll balls.

Grow some balls, man! Man up!

Good one.

Man up! Lenny, let me hear you say it.

Lenny, let me hear it.

Look at these numbers. See these?

These are the stock prices

over the last three months.

See these drops?

Get used to it.

It's just the way the market works these days.

Look at this. $3.50 here.

Almost five bucks there.

If you panicked here, you would have sold...

- Who's that guy?

- Who's what guy?

- ...you whiners, you chickens.

- Camera 2.

You know what I'm gonna tell you to do.

Mark, can you pan over?

Do you see that guy?

We're talking about 89% return.

Even the Teamsters get excited

about these numbers.

Somebody didn't tell me something.

Looks like a delivery guy.

Say it. I'm not gonna move until you say it.

- Balls.

- Balls!

There it is! Just under the wire.

All right. Now, for the rest of you,

you know what that means.

It's time for today's

"Can't Miss Stock Tip of the Millennium."

It's the Stock Tip of the Millennium.

Telecommunications.

Forget the top-rated stocks.

Well, here he comes.

Okay, Mark, stay with this guy.

I don't know who he is.

Alan, there's no chance he's miked,

so just boom him in.

Let's see what happens.

Hopefully you've been listening

to our little birdy.

Where's that stupid parrot?

You got a delivery?

- Don't move.

- What the hell?

Is this a union thing?

Oh, Jesus!

Cut the feed.

Turn those cameras back on!

- Turn those cameras back on!

- Jesus Christ!

Whoever's in there,

turn those cameras back on, right now!

- I can't. Once I turn them off...

- You're lying!

Turn the cameras back on

or I'm gonna shoot him in his head!

Turn the cameras on, Patty! Turn them on!

Patty?

Patty!

All right, I'm gonna count to three,

- then I swear to God...

- Do something!

- ...I'm pulling this trigger. One...

- Patty!

Patty, what do you want me to do?

- Turn them on, Patty!

- Two...

- Patty!

- Three!

- What do you want me to do?

- Put it up.

Are we live?

Yeah, we're live.

All right, turn the cameras off again

I'm gonna shoot him in his head.

You hear me?

Everybody understands.

- Don't try any tricks with the monitors.

- Call security.

I got the whole broadcast here on my phone.

If I see anything other than us,

I'm gonna shoot him in his head, all right?

- Do you understand me?

- Everybody understands you.

Everybody understands.

We stay on the air. All right.

- We're staying on the air.

- Good.

Good.

No, wait.

He's not picking up.

- Okay.

- Pick a box.

What do you mean?

- I said, "Pick a box."

- What happens if I pick the wrong box?

I said pick one!

- I'm not picking a f***ing box!

- Did he say "f***ing" on air?

Are you f***ing kidding?

Call f***ing security!

Hi, there's a guy with a gun in studio 3.

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