Monkey Business

Not yet, Cary.

Not yet, Cary.

Hmm.

- Barnaby, you have the key.

- Ah?

Well, look for it, darling.

Hmm.

Look in this first pocket.

That's usually where you hide it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, but I didn't hide it.

I put it there so I could find it.

Here it is.

Would you turn on the porch light

and turn off that hall light?

Close the door and

be sure that it's locked...

and I'll start the car.

I understand.

Oh, it's you.

Come on in.

- Barnaby.

- Huh?

- We're going to a dance.

- Oh, yes.

And we're going to be late

if we don't hurry.

Oh, yeah.

Now, let's start all over again.

You've got your key.

- Mm-hmm.

- No, it's in that pocket.

Oh, that's right.

I put it there on purpose.

And you're going

to turn the porch light on...

and the hall light off...

and then you're going

to lock the door.

- Right.

- Now, come along, darling.

- Barnaby, are you thinking?

- Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's pretty dark in here,

isn't it?

That's better.

What are you thinking about?

Oh, it's the test

we made in the lab today.

They proved that only

23% of the formula...

is being assimilated.

Oh, the formula.

Yeah. Well, you know

what that means.

That-That means that

73% is absolute waste.

Seventy-three?

What happened to the rest of it?

No, no. Not 73, 77.

What did I say?

- Seventy-seven.

- Well.

I guess that's why

it's having so little effect...

on those chimpanzees

we're experimenting with.

We've been giving it to them

for over two months now.

Well, it certainly hasn't done

what it should have done.

I thought

it was doing rather well.

No, no.

No, that's the trouble.

It isn't doing well at all.

What about that one monkey

you told me about?

- Oh, you mean Rudolph.

- He's pretty old, isn't he?

Well, Rudolph's about...

Well, he's about the equivalent

of 84 years old in a human.

Well, didn't the formula

cure his rheumatism?

Didn't it make his coat

much glossier?

- Didn't you say he felt a lot better?

- Well, in a way.

Well, then,

what do you expect?

Well, it isn't what

it should be, Edwina.

What must it be before

you're satisfied with it?

Theoretically, it should have

a much greater effect.

I've just got to find a way

to make it more easily assimilable.

- Huh?

- Assimilable? Assi...

- More easily assimilated.

- Oh, yeah.

I thought I had a good idea

at the front door just now.

I guess I just thought I had it.

Anyway, it's gone.

- Well, it'll come back to you.

- I doubt it.

It'll come back to you.

That's the trouble

about being a chemist.

You know,

you can't actually think.

Every now and then...

you feel compelled to sit

and stare at a sheet of paper...

hoping it'll speak to you,

but it never does.

Oh. Is that a new dress?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I like that.

Let me see it.

I like the way it sticks out.

- Or is that you?

- Well, you ought to know.

It isn't you.

You ought to be going

somewhere in a dress like that.

Yeah. Well,

I'm glad you like it.

Holy smokes.

We forgot all about the party.

Why didn't you remind me?

- We're not going.

- Why not?

Well, we're not going

for a number of reasons.

Oh?

One:
When I dance with you,

I want to dance with all of you.

I don't want your brain

to be somewhere else.

I know.

You're not very often

the absent-minded professor...

but, darling, when you are,

you're a real zombie.

Yeah, I admit it.

And I don't want people

to see you like that.

Now, go on.

Sit down and relax

and be brilliant.

Hey.

- You know, you're all right.

- How do you like your eggs?

How did eggs get in

to the conversation?

You're hungry, aren't you?

I'll fix you something to eat...

and call Hank and tell him

we're not coming.

- Did you telephone Hank?

- Mm-hmm. He wasn't in.

- I left a message.

- Oh.

Don't tell me you've solved

the formula already.

No. No, I've had my mind

on other things.

You've been looking forward to going

to this party for a month, haven't you?

Now, darling, we're not

even going to discuss it.

I know that.

I was just thinking.

It's queer about people.

What about people?

Through no fault of their own,

they get older.

- Now, that's a profound remark.

- No, they do get older.

- Something happens to them.

- Are you referring to me, Barnaby?

No, I was thinking of

the human race as a whole.

Pretty sad group.

Would you get me

some soup plates, darling?

If you don't think

the human race undergoes...

certain morbid changes

as it matures...

I ask you to recall the night

of the Everett Winston party.

I don't recall any

Everett Winston party.

Do you remember

our honeymoon?

- Of course I do, darling.

- I was hoping you would.

Well, the week after we got back

from our honeymoon...

the Everett Winstons

invited us to a party.

I'm sorry, darling,

but I don't remember going.

We didn't go.

We didn't?

Oh, yes.

Now I remember.

We stayed home.

Just like tonight.

You know, Edwina,

that's what I'm talking about.

We stayed home from that party

for an altogether different reason.

Tonight we're staying home

for an intellectual reason.

I remember we didn't want

to share each other with anyone.

You were so sweet.

Remember how the telephone

kept ringing...

for hours and hours and hours?

Remember?

I'll get it.

Aw. You see what I mean?

Tonight we're answering calls.

- Hi, Hank.

- Hi.

Say, what's this message

about not going out tonight?

- That's right.

- Why?

Sometimes there are things

more important than going to a dance.

Oh, the genius

at work again, huh?

I'm glad I'm a lawyer

and not a chemist.

- Where is he?

- He's in the kitchen.

I've got a few things

to say to him.

This has happened

just once too often.

Now, look here, double dome.

What's the idea of doing

something tonight...

you can do

just as well tomorrow?

I'll get you a drink.

You'll feel better.

Why can't you

be a genius before sundown...

and a human being afterward?

Because I never know in advance

when I'm going to be a genius.

Here's your drink.

You can't call off a date

at the last minute...

when your wife's got a new dress

and I've booked a table.

It just doesn't make sense.

No, I don't suppose it does.

What are you doing?

Nothing, dear.

I think you'd better sit down.

Huh? What for?

Do as I tell you,

and you'll see what I mean.

Cold?

I see what you mean.

And now neither one of you

are making sense.

No. I think

Mr. Entwhistle is disturbed...

because he can't take you

to the party tonight...

and dance all over your feet

as he did the last time.

I certainly didn't reserve

a table and order flowers...

just to look at your face.

I don't suppose you did.

Sit down, have your soup

while Hank drinks his drink.

And be careful. It's very hot.

Is it all right now?

I can only tell you,

Mrs. Fulton...

if you'd have been smart enough

to marry me instead of this...

you wouldn't be

in a kitchen cooking.

No? Where would

she be cooking? Mmm!

- Barnaby, did you burn yourself?

- I hope he did.

- Darling, I told you it was hot.

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