Monkeybone

FADE IN:

MAIN CREDITS ROLL

over BLACK SCREEN, with PORTENTOUS SPOOKY MUSIC underneath. Just as the

music reaches its crescendo, we hear a simian SCREECH.

A BUCK-TOOTHED CARTOON MONKEY swings past on a vine. TITLE WIPES IN with

him:

MONKEYBONE(tm)

in

"FREUD CHICKEN!"

TIGHT CLOSEUP - STANLEY (ANIMATED)

A POCKETWATCH swings back and forth in F.G. Gaping at it is a goofy,

bespectacled CARTOON CHARACTER, sucking his thumb as his EYES move back

and forth. After a moment, the LEFT EYE freezes in place - but the right

eye keeps going back and forth with the watch.

SHRINK'S VOICE (o.s.)

Back, Stanley...you're going back...back to when

it all began. Are you going back yet? Come on,

get back, ve haven't got all day.

Now BOTH EYES are locked in place. The patient is hypnotized.

INT. SCHOOLROOM - DAY (ANIMATED)

A squat, lumpy TEACHER, MISS HUDLAPP, is straining to erase the

Gettysburg Address, which is written along the very top of the

blackboard. There's an obtrusive, rhythmic BANGING noice in B.G.

STANLEY (V.O.)

It was third grade. The teacher was Miss

Hudlapp. She was kinda squat and lumpy - she

smelled funny - but she was kind.

MISS HUDLAPP:

CLASS!

(turning around suddenly)

How many times have I told you? In this class we

do not pound tenpenny nails into Stanley's head!

REVERSE ANGLE - ON STANLEY

Hapless ten-year-old STANLEY, still goofy and bespectacled, in his

front-row desk. NAILS stick out of his head. The FOUR MEAN KIDS poised

around him lower their hammers and return to their seats, grumbling.

A dreamy SMILE crosses STANLEY's face as he gazes at MISS HUDLAPP.

STANLEY (V.O.)

You know how some teachers have those, kind of,

flaps on their arms - those big sacks of limp

flab that like, dangle?

As MISS HUDLAPP pulls her sweater off, TWO MASSIVE ARM-FLAPS - fifty

gallons of flab apiece - SPILL OUT and SMACK INTO THE FLOOR.

MISS HUDDLAPP claps two erasers together, kicking up a cloud of dust.

Young STANLEY watches, transfixed by her massive ARM FLAPS. We TRACK IN

on the gigantic ARM FLAPS as they swing hypnotically back and forth,

with a loud SLAP each time they collide.

STANLEY (V.O.)

It sounds weird...but for some reason, as I

watched those big old flaps of hers, I began to

feel...well...oddly...

Now we TRACK IN on the mesmerized STANLEY. A SONG comes up underneath:

Donna Summer, "I FEEL LOVE."

STANLEY (V.O.)

...aroused.

(beat)

And then the horror began.

DOINK! STANLEY looks down at his LAP in horror. The boys and girls

around him are pointing and tittering.

Grimacing in embarrassment, he discreetly places a heavy TEXTBOOK onto

his lap, suppressing the bulge in his pants. But SPROING!! - the BOOK

goes flying across the room. The BULGE is fighting back!

The kids DUCK AND COVER beneath their desks as STANLEY slams a STACK of

textbooks onto his lap. It's no use - the WHOLE STACK goes flying, and

BOOKS come raining down on the entire class! Now MISS HUDLAPP is staring

directly at him...

MISS HUDLAPP:

Young man. What's that in your lap?

She marches toward him. STANLEY pulls his BACKPACK over his lap.

STANLEY (V.O.)

It was useless. Like putting a baseball cap on

the Washington Monument. And then...all at once

...there he was.

The BACKPACK bucks and wriggles, as if something inside is trying to GET

OUT. And then - with a flourish of rousing disco strings - IT DOES!

STANLEY (V.O.)

Monkeybone!!

The libidinous cartoon monkey BURSTS OUT of the backpack, POINTS at MISS

HUDLAPP - and announces, in his Barry White baritone:

MONKEYBONE:

Oooo-oo-ooh, baby. I love your way.

KC and the SUNSHINE BAND comes up underneath as MONKEYBONE DANCES to the

front of the class. He grabs MISS HUDLAPP by the hands and begins

dancing The Bump with her ARM FLAPS. Butt left, WHAP. Butt right, WHAP.

The KIDS are bug-eyed - agog. With each WHAP their little heads turn

back and forth as if they're watching a nude tennis match.

INT. SCREENING ROOM - ON AUDIENCE (LIVE-ACTION)

A roomful of LIVE HUMANS watching the cartoon, heads turning in sync

with the kids onscreen. TV-INDUSTRY HIPSTERS, AD EXECS, MANUFACTURER'S

REPS...they're all guests at this sneak preview of the Monkeybone show,

and they're LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY.

In the midst of the crowd is a handsome young couple: JULIE McELROY and

STU MILEY. JULIE's a research scientist, brainy, professional,

abnormally well-adjusted - and pretty enough that she'd be intimidating

if it weren't for a prominent goofy streak.

STU is the one guy in the auditorium who isn't laughing at the cartoon

on the screen. In fact, he's solemn as a judge - peering nervously

around to see how the rest of the audience is responding.

Why? Because he's the cartoonist who created the characters on screen.

In his looks (gangly, disheveled) and manner (sardonic, self-

deprecating), he's the obvious model for the character of STANLEY.

INT. CLASSROOM (ANIMATED)

As the monkey dance continues, we ZOOM IN on the mortified face of

LITTLE STANLEY. His eyes begin doing the familiar HYPNO-SWIRL...

INT. SHRINK'S OFFICE (ANIMATED)

A CUCKOO pops out of a wall clock. ADULT STANLEY'S THUMB pops out of his

mouth. He awakens from his trance in a cold sweat.

STANLEY:

How about it, Doc? Can you help me?

SHRINK:

Not overnight. These imaginary monkey cases take

time. I vould estimate...roughly...

On the desk is a CATALOGUE, open to a two-page spread depicting a 40-

foot CABIN CRUISER. "NEW FOR SUMMER! ONLY $229,999.95!" With his free

hand, the SHRINK is working a CALCULATOR...

SHRINK:

Twelve years and three months ought to do it.

The SHRINK hustles STANLEY to the door and shakes his hand.

STANLEY:

One question, doc - what did you mean when you

said "imaginary"?

SHRINK:

All in good time, my boy. All in good time.

The SHRINK shoves STANLEY out and slams the door behind him. Two beats.

Then he doubles over, WEEPING with LAUGHTER.

SHRINK:

Vot a crackpot! Monkey on ze back - HAH!! ROLL

OUT ZE WACKY WAGON!!

Now he notices a BACKPACK, which STANLEY has left on the couch. It

TWITCHES slightly - of its own free will.

VOICE IN BACKPACK

Imaginary, huh? You quack.

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