Monkeybone Page #2

EXT. SHRINK'S BUILDING (ANIMATED)

A WINDOW shatters. The SHRINK comes hurtling out. MONKEYBONE STRADDLES

HIM like Slim Pickens riding an H-bomb, hootin' and hollerin' all the

way down to the street.

SPLAT! A gob of gore hits STANLEY in the face as he exits the building.

He kneels on the sidewalk - finding a PIPE and a GOATEE.

STANLEY:

Aw, Monkeybone! At this rate I'll never find a

good shrink.

MONKEYBONE:

Those guys are a waste of money! I'll show you

how to stop sucking your thumb...

MONKEYBONE sticks his thumb in his butt as he and STANLEY toddle off

into the sunset.

INT. SCREENING ROOM - THAT MOMENT

STANDING O from the crowd as the cartoon ends and the lights come up.

HERB, an all-purpose sidekick type, appears at the podium:

HERB:

Thank you...that's our pilot...the good news is,

Comedy Channel has just picked us up with an

order for six new episodes!

HERB leads a round of APPLAUSE. JULIE nudges STU - the only guy in the

room who's still in his seat.

HERB:

Now, let's give it up for the guy who started it

all. Creator of America's most disturbed comic

strip...the man behind the monkey...Mister Stu

Miley!

A SPOTLIGHT hits him, and he STANDS to tumultuous applause. He looks

genuinely stunned. He can't believe it's happening.

JULIE surreptitiously PINCHES him on the bottom, giving him a start. She

WINKS at him. He shoots her a small private smile - then turns to WAVE

at the adoring crowd.

INT. LOBBY - HALF-HOUR LATER - NIGHT

STU working his way through a crowd of well-wishers and FANS.

STU:

I don't actually draw all the animation, no. We

have sweatshop workers who couldn't get jobs at

Nike doing that.

A beautiful, heavily-pierced FEMALE FAN hands STU a marker.

BEAUTIFUL FAN:

Mr. Miley, would you draw Monkeybone on my

belly? As a guide?

STU:

Guide...?

BEAUTIFUL FAN:

For my tattoo artist?

She exposes her taut midriff. STU thinks for a moment, then goes to

work. When he's done, Monkeybone appears to be climbing out of the

girl's pants and WAVING to her. Nearby FANS APPLAUD.

BEAUTIFUL FAN:

Wait! You have to draw the rest of him -

She begins unbuckling her belt so STU will have enough room to draw

Monkeybone's bottom half. STU demurs...

STU:

I - I have to, uh, check in with my doctor. DO-

OCCCC!!

He wanders across the room, finds JULIE deep in conversation with a

bunch of other GUESTS, and pulls her aside.

STU:

Hey, Doc. Come here. There's something really

cool I want to show you.

He grabs her by the sleeve, pulls her across the floor to -

INT. ALCOVE - OFF LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

There's nothing "cool" about it - it's a stairway landing, with metal

fire doors that open onto the parking lot outside.

STU:

See these doors? The cool thing is, you go out

...they close...you can't get back in!

He opens one door and holds it for JULIE.

JULIE:

You want to leave? But Stu - you're a big hit!

Everyone loves you!

STU:

They don't love me. They love Monkeybone.

JULIE:

It was you who got the standing O. It was you

drawing on the belly over there...

STU:

That was especially Monkeybone. Come on, Doc, I

don't want to be stuck here with this bunch of

media creeps. I just want to be us. Home. Alone!

(conspiratorially)

I have something I have to give you.

JULIE:

Can't you give it to me later?

STU:

Yeah, I could, but the thing is, if later got

here sooner, it would be...better.

He gives up trying to explain...pulls her close and kisses her. For a

moment they completely forget about the party in the next room.

Then HERB appears behind them, trying to catch STU's eye as he waits for

the clinch to break up. Finally he pries them apart:

HERB:

Sorry, Julie - won't be a minute. Now Stu - I

know you don't like the idea, but you really

ought to talk to these guys -

STU:

Julie and I - we were just gonna go...

But before STU knows what's hit him, HERB is leading him back to -

INT. LOBBY - THAT MOMENT - CONTINUOUS

HERB:

Go? There's a potload of money here, pal. You

got three major toy companies...you got the guys

from Burger God over here...

STU:

Burger God. The ones that found the pig hair in

the french fries?

HERB:

Never proven. They're ready to pop for a pre-

emptive endorsement. Kids love Burger God -

The MERCHANDISERS shoot STU an expectant wave. STU waves back and turns

in the opposite direction. HERB grabs him by the sleeve.

STU:

Herb, it's too much. It's all out of hand.

HERB:

Do you know what kind of opportunity you have

here? You gotta strike. I'm talking mansions.

Lamborghinis. Champagne for mouthwash when you

brush your teeth!

STU:

I don't want to be rich. It's just a trap!

HERB:

Being rich is not a trap. That is a dirty lie

perpetuated by rich people to keep the failures

from killing them.

STU:

Herb. I have to go.

HERB:

Why?

STU:

I got the ring.

(beat)

Tonight's the night, Herb. Tonight's the night.

He nods toward JULIE, who's at the open bar grabbing two glasses of

punch. HERB realizes a proposal is in the works.

HERB:

Oh my God...you're proposing?

STU:

My life was totally crappy, Herb, and she...

fixed it. She made me happy. Which I'd never

been. She loves me the way I am - right now.

(beat)

I don't want everything to change. I don't want

her saying yes to some big success. I just want

her saying yes to me.

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