Monster Brawl Page #2

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must fight to the death?

I think it's great. I hate monsters

more than anything.

And the way I see it, there's

gonna be a few less monsters

in the world after tonight

'cause some of them ain't

leaving this cemetery.

What kind of rules have been

established for this tournament?

None.

What, no rules whatsoever?

No, man. No rules, no time

limits, no stoppages.

The match will continue until

one of them loses their life.

I'm here to cut down on

the shots to the groin,

manager interventions,

that sort of thing.

Other than that, standard

death-match.

That's wonderful. We'll see you

shortly inside the ring.

And we'll take our first break

here at the graveyard

and be right back with the opening

fight of the evening.

lonian Islands, Greece.

Enter.

An urgent message for you, Sir.

Who sent you?

A shadow from the West.

There's a storm brewing.

Monsters the world over

have been summoned.

So, the hour is upon us.

My training will begin at dawn.

Almost 3000 years ago, I

made a terrible mistake.

I made a fateful deal with

the evil god Hades.

In return for one of my eyes, he

grant me power to see future.

I can foretell the

deaths of others.

I went into hiding, ashamed

and without honor.

Now, a force beckons me

that is more powerful

than anything.

If you can see the future,

you must already know the

outcome of the battle.

Honor is like an island. Rugged

and without shores.

Once you leave, you

can never return.

Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts.

Witch! You ought to be

burned to the ground.

You're the worst witch ever.

Witch!

You're a witch.

B*tch.

Go away!

What do you want?

I'm known around these

parts as the Grub.

The Grub?

That's right. Professional monster

bodyguard and manager.

Who sent you here?

Listen. I caught whispers

of a secret tournament

for people like yourself.

Piss off, troll!

Wait a minute! They are holding a

monster fighting event next month,

and I need a fighter.

We'll make you the most powerful

menace the world has ever seen.

No more witch hunts. The townsfolk

will bow to you.

Well, don't just stand

there. Come inside.

Now, tell me again how I'm

supposed to stand up to the

rest of these monsters?

I've trained the most disagreeable

monsters in the entire universe.

But you, you could go all

the way to the top!

Picture this. Diabolical outcast

from small village

wins Monster Brawl.

You will have your vengeance.

Everyone who spit on

you, heckled you,

beat and raped you.

But I can't fight!

Nonsense!

Forget all the necromancy

crap. The conjury.

The dark magic.

You have to become a warrior!

Now, if we only had the

proper name for you,

that would instill terror into

the heart of your opponent.

Witch B*tch.

Witch B*tch. Witch B*tch.

Witch B*tch.

Witch B*tch.

Creatures Conference Middleweight

Title Match.

Cyclops vs. Witch B*tch.

We're back, ladies and gentlemen, with

our opening bout of the evening.

Now we're ready to get this

brawl underway Buzz,

and what a first match-up.

We have the one-eyed ancient

warrior Cyclops

going head-to-head against

the uncomely, Witch B*tch.

Let's go to our fight preview.

Cyclops.

Normally Cyclops would

not fight women.

But this Witch is a b*tch.

And I will crush her!

And Hades is next!

The Cyclops is a mythical creature.

He comes from a long line

of one-eyed blacksmiths,

and he's fought nearly everything

that's ever walked or crawled.

He's trained in fighting systems

varying from Roman Empire

gladiator tactics

to Greco-Spartan field combat.

In fact, he has the ability to

eradicate entire villages

with his special laser

beam eye maneuver.

Witch B*tch.

Listen up, Cyclops! You

Grub-wannabe bastard!

We've got some tricks

in store for you.

A whole bag of them, so

keep your eye open.

Witch B*tch is a grizzled

and vile occultist,

capable of conjuring dark spirits

and fatal spell attacks.

And was once part of a

Witch/Warlock tag team

until her partner was

burned at the stake.

She's also been taken under the

wing of monster bodyguard

and acne-smitten troll, the Grub,

who has trained and conditioned

Witch B*tch

in the weeks leading up

to tonight's event.

And now, we turn it

over to Jimmy Hart

to summon the creatures

from the crypts.

Ladies and gentlemen,

coming to you live

from the Hillside Necropolis

in Emmett, County Michigan,

the Monster Brawl Creatures Conference

Middleweight Showdown.

Introducing first, fighting

out of the stone crypt,

a mythical one-eyed brute

from lonia, Greece.

Weighing in at 280 pounds,

the legendary, the ageless

Cyclops!

And his opponent, fighting

out of the wood crypt,

weighing in at 134 pounds.

From Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts,

the bane of New England,

the infernal,

the unhallowed, the villainous

sorceress Witch B*tch.

And let's take a quick peak at

our Tale of the Tape, Buzz,

and see how these fighters

match up.

The Cyclops has a formidable record

and easily tops Witch B*tch

in strength and size.

Herb Dean is making his way out to

the ring area through the archway,

and what a class-act individual

and stellar representative

of monster fighting.

And the anticipation mounting

inside the graveyard

is about to explode.

And this is the biggest event in

the history of physical combat,

and I just hope my voice

holds up for this, Buzz!

All right guys, center up.

And if I'm Herb Dean, Buzz,

I'd get the hell out of

that ring in a hurry.

We've gone over the rules. Protect

yourself at all times.

Follow my instructions. We're

gonna have a clean fight.

Touch gloves, Let's

make it official.

It's the one and only time these

athletes will ever face each other,

and it's winner takes all.

The loser must leave this world.

You ready to fight?

You ready?

Let's do it.

And we're underway here

at Monster Brawl

as Cyclops and Witch B*tch engage

in a brutal bloodbath

for the Creatures Conference

middleweight title.

Cyclops misses with a quick lunge

as Witch B*tch gingerly slingshots

him into the ropes

and answers with a clothesline.

Look out! Witch B*tch with

a dirty kick to the dick

sends the ancient ogre reeling

to the canvas mat.

And Herb Dean has a

word with the Witch

regarding that ball-busting

maneuver.

That was a groin shot. You

need to keep it clean. We're

not gonna have that.

All right, you ready? Fight!

Cyclops pulls out a sledgehammer

and blindsides Witch B*tch

with a big backhand

hit to the face.

Incredible.

And she's in serious

trouble now, Sid.

And Herb Dean clearly appalled by

the action happening in the ring.

The Grub is in disbelief, and

now he's entering the ring

to mount an intervention on behalf

of his mangled protege.

The Grub broadsides Cyclops

with a folding chair,

and this fight is descending

into a circus, Sid.

And Herb Dean appears ready

to disqualify Witch B*tch

as he lectures the Grub at

the side of the ring.

And Witch B*tch pushes

aside her manager

and slices Herb Dean's neck

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