Monsters Wanted Page #10

- My forest!

- Whose forest is it?

- My forest!

- Go kick

some f***ing ass!

[Overlapping howls]

- After midnight

- [screaming]

- when the smoke's

on the water

and the fireflies

are glowing

you will do right

by me

- [Screaming]

- By the moonlight

you will pay

your penance

for the things you do

- y'all ready

to see a show?

- Yeah!

- Do right by me

- oh, my God.

- Oh, God.

- Ah!

- [Screams]

- I didn't have my personal

staple gun that I use,

um, so I used one of

their industrial ones.

This is my friend,

my industrial staple gun.

If you have ever wanted

to staple somebody,

this is the time.

[Gun clicks]

[Groans]

- Whoo!

- Right here.

[Gun clicks]

- [Groans]

- Oh!

- I pulled it out.

[Laughs]

- Oh, my lord.

- [Groans]

- Ohh!

- Ahh!

- Oh!

All I see

is everybody's faces go...

[Gasps]

And I was like, what?

And I was like, oh!

[Overlapping chatter]

I started my period.

- After midnight

when the smoke's

on the water

and the fireflies

are glowing

you will do right

by me

- [Screaming]

- By the moonlight

you will pay

your penance

for the things

you've done

you will do right

by me

- What happened?

- The chainsaw guy accidentally

clocked her in the temple.

It's gonna be concussion

number two this year.

And this now makes

14 years straight

Pete has hurt somebody.

- And the thing is,

she felt bad

and didn't want to

leave the scene,

so she kept trying

to fight through it.

- She was like, "I ran into

Pete's chainsaw."

[Chainsaw buzzing]

- [Screams]

- We're at haunted hotel,

uh, the longest haunt

in louisville for 21 years,

and I've been here for 11.

We don't go from movies.

We don't use themes

like that at all.

Ours comes from

our own wicked thinking

of all our employees.

[Rock music]

[Chainsaw buzzing]

If you're not bleeding

or passed out,

I'm not letting you out,

and that's the rule.

I mean, if you're scared

or crying,

I tell them, "go harder,"

and they usually do anyway.

[Chainsaw buzzing]

Yeah, there's a wall

of tally marks...

[Laughs]

Of people who pee

their pants.

We had 176 one year,

and then that was--also,

it was 16 ambulance rides.

Can somebody please check

on that?

- [Indistinct response]

- Do we need an ambulance?

- Unfortunately not.

- Darn.

Well, we don't need

an ambulance,

so I guess

that's good news.

But anyone who's ever been here

knows that this is

the intense we-might-

actually-cut-you haunted house,

and that's why

they come back.

- We really do

want to kill you.

That's our thing.

We are mental in the head.

We're the best

in the industry.

We want to kill you

when you come in.

We want to make you feel

that fear

right before you die,

you see what I'm saying?

- There's nothing like

a little kid

screaming and crying

in your face.

You just holler louder.

- I used to come here

when I was a little kid.

- Really?

- Yeah.

So I always

wanted to work here.

- Definitely,

haunted hotel's a tradition.

Um, like I had a couple

go through last night,

and 16 years ago,

this was their first date.

So that means something,

you know?

Those are the stories

that we like to hear.

It just kind of

turned into family.

Everybody comes back

year after year,

and we stick together,

and that's why it is

the haunted hotel.

It's not based

on what we build

or what we decorate with.

It's based on the people.

- Perfect.

- How are you doing,

sweetie?

- I missed you, petey.

I wanted to stay so bad.

Like, I was almo--I was crying

'cause I didn't want to leave,

I wanted to stay.

But they wouldn't let me,

'cause I was passing out,

bleeding from my ear

a little bit.

I've learned to keep

my distance, though, from Pete.

No more chainsaws

to the dome.

- I catch janel

every once in a while,

sitting in the middle

of the city,

going, "it came true.

"It--it--it's a real world.

I have my own world.

"It came out of my head

"and it went

into the middle of people.

There's people acting

in it."

- It is kind of cool.

It's alive,

and it's growing it,

and changing

and expanding on it,

so it's--

it's really, really cool.

I kind of feel

like God, creeping through.

Yeah, I'm starting

to feel--

yeah,

I guess more relaxed,

more accepting

that it's here.

Uh, I don't know.

I'm also really stressed out

because we're--we're broke.

We're, like, flat broke.

We have no money at all.

And I'm not gonna make back

my investment this year.

Our electric was shut off,

and, uh,

our water is about to be

turned off.

Yeah, I went home and I put on

my renaissance gown

and I walked around

with a candle.

- Nice.

- It's very medieval.

[Laughs]

It's really,

do we need groceries

or do we need

a 20-foot fireball, you know?

- 20-foot fireball!

We wanted something unique

that was gonna

spawn lookers.

More reasons

for people to come--

"what the hell was that?"--

and come over this way.

- [Laughs]

- It's beautiful!

- Whoo!

- It's pretty badass.

- So we thought

it would be cool.

We've got

20-foot fireballs.

Eh-eh-eh!

We've knocked out

most of the kinks.

It's time to play now.

- [Groans]

- [Laughs]

- Aah!

- Oh, God!

- Aah!

[Laughs]

Aah!

[Rock music]

- Zombie city has received a ten

from some of the reviewers.

It's unheard of.

It is absolutely

unheard of.

Getting a ten,

it doesn't happen.

- They call mabel crazy!

That guy,

right over there,

you can see him going,

"boo!"

[If you really want it

by viva viva]

- 'Cause if you

really want it

you don't need to

ask why

- I rarely do this,

but I decided I'd do this

one time this season,

and you all

get to see it, okay?

Are y'all ready?

All:
Yeah!

[Cheers and screams]

- Like a light

- yeah!

- Get out!

[Cheers and screams]

- This is usually

where I take shots.

I can't take a shot here.

[Laughs]

- Killing people is fun.

Did you know

that killing people

brings joy and excitement

to the world?

I like stabbing people

and ripping their hearts out,

and then I feed their heart

to their friends.

- Come on, bop me.

Bop me.

[Taps]

Oh, yes!

- Scooping up

the field mice

and boppin' 'em

on the head!

- Everyone's having fun.

That was the point.

And janel looks sexy

as an evil bunny.

Can you go be a bunny

with a circular saw?

- Do you want to

help me kill people?

Because the person that

used to help me kill people,

I killed them.

- 'Cause if you

really want it

you don't need to

ask why

- It's so busy.

Apparently, we've got, like,

1,500 people in line

or something like that.

- Last year,

we was that busy,

but that's just one line.

Now, this year,

we're busy here,

we're busy over there,

we're busy right here.

The porta-pots

are even busy.

- Just because

it's funny,

turn around and wave

to the people way back there!

Hi!

[Overlapping screams]

- It perfectly ran

when I started the year.

- Oh, my God.

- Rubbing the wall

and cutting people's feet.

- It's the last night.

- Don't remind me.

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