Monsters Wanted Page #9

He's from Arkansas.

He's worked several haunts

in Arkansas.

We found out

where we want him at.

- Kenny comes up

with the guy Rick,

and he's like, "hey, uh, this

guy called me this morning.

Uh, he's gonna be

in clown town."

And I'm like, "oh, cool.

"I'll go show him

where he needs to go.

"I'll just go ahead

and take him now,

and then we'll get him

into makeup."

Because it was already

almost ten after 6:00.

So I started to walk away,

and Joe is like,

"hey, I want to talk to you

for a minute."

I'm like, "that's fine.

"I'm gonna take this guy down.

I'll be back in a minute.

And then, uh, you know,

we'll talk."

He's like, "kaley, I want to

talk to you for a minute."

I said, "that's fine.

I'm gonna take this guy down.

I'll be back in a minute."

And he got pissed off.

- I can't handle the drama.

- Wait.

Which drama in particular

are you talking about?

- There's a lot.

- [Sighs]

Joe versus kaley.

He was threatening

to fire her.

- All right.

- So I just--

I need to know.

- No, I mean--I mean,

Joe--

Joe doesn't have the power

to fire anybody,

but he just wants the respect

out of it,

and I understand that.

If Joe was right here,

I'd say the same thing.

He's getting his feelings

hurt too much

when there's a lot of people

got a lot of things going on.

- Yeah, I'm concerned,

because it's a f***ing

Joe-sized Thorn in my side,

and it's stressing

janel out,

and it's stressing rich out,

and it's stressing

Kenny out,

and everybody, it's like,

going down the line.

Like, one of my actors

just told me

that everybody's

walking around,

like, angry and upset.

I don't want my actors

to see that.

They don't need to be

stressed out by proxy,

so yeah,

it's infuriating.

- I had her sit down because--

- kaley said that's just fine.

- If she's sitting in the light

at the table,

then they think

she's a mannequin at first,

and then, when she says

something,

it gets more of a scare

than when she was trying

to pop out at 'em.

'Cause popping out

wasn't working at all.

Okay.

- How do you think kaley

handled the Joe situation?

- As far as I know,

she proved herself.

She proved herself that

she was capable of handling

all the things that Joe

had an issue with.

And it shut him up.

- I'm just saying this.

I'm just saying...

- Just imagine the biggest fan

you've ever seen

and the biggest load of sh*t

hitting it in waves.

[Laughs]

Yeah.

That.

That too.

[Upbeat music]

- get up every morning

when the rooster crows

where I've been

or what I've done

I don't really know

but I don't, oh

- hi, guys!

Welcome to hell's kitchen!

[Laughs]

- Take your two-bit sense

and keep on walkin'

- Where are you going?

Don't leave me!

[Chainsaw buzzing]

- Tonight was so much better

than last night.

- They were falling down,

tripping, running,

screaming

like little girls.

We finally figured it out.

[Laughs]

- Just take your

two-bit sense and keep on

walkin'

[metallic clatter]

[Laughter]

- What went really well is

we opened

without any major events

from the customers'

point of view.

'Cause I really don't care

about the whole Joe thing.

It sucks, but at

the end of the day,

the customers don't know.

Joe called Kenny

and basically quit

and said he's done

with this,

and he'll help Kenny

finish out the season,

'cause he doesn't want to

leave him hanging,

'cause they've known

each other a long time,

so I don't know

at this point

if he's coming

next weekend or not.

I'm kind of hoping

he doesn't.

Don't really care.

Stay away from me.

- Are you where you thought

you'd be at this point

with the two haunts?

You know,

where are you right now?

- I don't know.

I think I'm at home.

[Laughter]

Where are we, tico?

We're not in Kansas anymore.

- You're always gonna hit

that burnout phase,

doing this job.

It's so hard.

But ultimately--um,

I know a lot of haunted houses

are like this.

We're a family.

- Sometimes there may be

interpersonal issues.

But when you threaten,

or get--uh, get--

one of ours gets into trouble,

we're there.

- [Laughs]

[Electronic feedback,

muffled talking]

[Laughing]

Hi, doll face. Dance?

[Laughs]

- We've got

these guys right here.

They're drop panels,

so they actually fall down,

and actors can pop out.

[Growls]

You can do anything,

really, like that.

This is really old school.

It's probably

the most old-school trick

we have in the book.

This specter we've got

right here

is on a pulley system,

so these are very...

1970s haunted house.

- I met my soon-to-be

ex-wife down here,

and she made me choose

here or the morgue.

I was 22. I was young.

I was stupid, and I chose her.

I'm getting divorced this year,

and after eight years,

I'm finally back

where I belong.

- The haunted house is actually

part of the reason

that myself and rig

are together,

and, uh, actually

just recently got engaged.

This place has killed

several relationships for me,

but, uh, I finally someone--

somebody else

that's as passionate

about this place as I am.

[Overlapping chatter]

- We're gonna have

an 8:
00 or 8:05 cast call.

We've got a reviewer already

sitting here waiting.

Ohio valley haunts

is already on the property

to go through

shortly after 8:
00.

I'm doing everything

I can do up to then.

- Did you set up any audio

in clown city yet?

- Some.

I have one of

the cd players,

but not the cables

to plug into that amp.

That's what

I've been working on.

I've been trying to get

everything else,

much less fix the blue tarp,

fix the fence

so it doesn't fall down.

I'm--I'm trying.

- We already have

reviewers.

Um, they're gonna be

the first people in.

You guys were

f***ing fantastic

for devil's attic

last night.

All I heard was

compliments,

compliments, compliments,

compliments.

They could not believe

how on-point you were

for it being

2:
00 in the morning.

You need to be

that on-point tonight.

Can I get, like,

a "hell yeah"?

All:
Hell yeah!

- Aah!

- All right.

Go be zombies.

- Whoo!

- How important

are reviews?

- Huge. Most haunted houses

are built on word of mouth

and what people read

on the web.

So the reality

of it is,

is, you can slap

a $50,000 billboard up

and, you know,

for six months,

if somebody says

your haunt sucks,

people aren't

gonna come out.

- So tonight's

a big night.

- Tonight's a big night.

[Midnight

by the willbillies]

- So this is

your mechanism

that actually

makes you fly,

and it goes along

with this.

So you go...

I guess nobody

expects it,

and once they realize

it's a real person,

they're like, "you've got

the coolest show ever!"

I just want to be, like,

"I know, 'cause I rock."

Aah!

- When I point at you,

you say, "darkness falls.

"You'll be afraid,

but that's not all.

You'll piss

your pants in..."

- Darkness falls.

- "You'll be afraid,

but that's not all.

You'll piss

your pants in..."

- Darkness falls!

- Whose forest is it?

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