Monsters Wanted Page #2

[Sighs]

I don't remember how it

came about, but she goes,

"you're gonna have to deal

with his ego."

And I was like, "I don't think

he has an ego.

I think he has money

to back up his sh*t."

[Laughs] Like, I don't think

there's an issue here.

- Hi, grant,

my name's dusty June.

I'm one of the stage managers

at asylum haunted scream park.

You put in an application

on our monsters wanted form.

- How many days left?

- A day and a half

till auditions.

Uh, opening night,

we're at 74 days and--

- you're not counting down

or anything?

- No, I'm not counting down.

I'm just scared shitless.

Our whole life savings

up in one 12-day period.

Um, so yeah, we're--

but we're on track.

We're gonna get it open,

one way or the other.

We got

a lot of people helping.

We've spent years

giving favors to people,

and so

we're calling 'em in.

Everything we can get to try

to get this and do it right.

Yeah, great.

Well, then,

we will see you on Saturday.

No problem.

See you. Bye.

I worked 70, 90 hours a week

for my day job.

You know, it was "salary."

You know, I worked 40 to 50

as my required hours,

put in more time.

I worked weekends for 'em,

do whatever I needed to do.

And come February,

I guess,

when we really decided

this haunt needs to go up

and there was so much to do,

well, I stopped working

as hard for them.

I wasn't working

every single weekend anymore,

you know,

and pulling seven-day weeks.

I was gonna go out and work

on the haunt on the weekend.

But it basically got to

a point where I was told

to basically give up

my haunted house

or take a $20,000 pay cut,

'cause he was gonna hire someone

else to pick up the slack

and do time logs

every minute of my day,

and I wasn't gonna be able

to work at home anymore,

which I had been doing

for 15 years,

just work out of my house.

So after that, I was like,

"here's my resignation.

"Look, I'll give you 60

to 90 days to find someone else,

get 'em trained."

And I'm like, "I'm just gonna go

full-time, being a haunter."

You know, I'm getting to the

point in my life where I'm 35.

It's time for a change.

I don't need to spend

the next five years in my house,

locked up in a closet

at my house,

you know,

working for someone else.

I'd rather go out and do

something for myself,

even if that risks

everything I have,

and do something I love.

- Right now,

everything that I own

is going

into this haunt attraction,

and I'm actually starting

to contemplate selling things

just to continue to fund it,

because it's--

we're at the point

of no return.

- We're gonna do a--

a two-part audition.

Dusty and janel are gonna

be able to take notes

on who seems more creative

and outgoing

and who can be put

in different places

in different positions

in the haunt,

and then we call 'em in,

one by one,

to do the direct auditions,

where they know

we're watching them,

and we get to be

the scary people.

- I'm hot.

I can't wait till October

when it's not hot.

I need misters

and some guy in a bikini

with a grape leaf.

[Snakes in the shadows

by viva viva]

- I got a fever

of 110 degrees

I'm seeing snakes

in the shadows

on the long walk home

- so I'm gonna pick

one of you,

and you have to be a zombie

while playing duck, duck, goose.

- I must be stoned

can somebody help me,

please?

I got a fever

of 110 degrees

seeing snakes

in the trash

- [Screaming]

- Each night we're open,

you're gonna be performing

for thousands of guests.

- Being swallowed,

held by your past

hungry for my need

- you know, we want people

that want to be here,

they want to have fun,

and they want to scare the hell

out of innocent people.

- I got a fever

of 110 degrees

- [Screaming]

- Are you scared?

- You should be.

- Oh! You guys,

she's--she's got great eyes.

- Mm-hmm.

- Obviously.

- I enjoy working

with somebody else

and someone to feed off of.

[Screaming]

But I can also work

independently.

- Help me, please

I got a fever

of 110 degrees

- Aah!

- As a monster--

pick your monster--

read a nursery rhyme.

- [Deep voice]

Mary had a little lamb

whose fleece

was white as snow.

- [Laughs]

That was good.

- [Growling]

I don't know what I was.

I just did that.

- I'm hearing words

whispered in the wind

saying, all right,

please

- Let's do some role play.

- Okay.

So I'm being stabbed?

- You're being stabbed.

- Aah! I've been stabbed!

Help me, John!

- Locked me in here

just because I like seeing

what's underneath a person.

- Come on, get a little closer.

Dance with bubba.

Show me your dance moves.

- Tell the balloons

to stop talking to me

- The fact they're made

so fragile, it's so funny.

[Laughs]

- What's that on ya?

[Sniffs]

Mmm. You got some smell good on.

What is that?

- Help me!

I've been stabbed!

- [Laughs maniacally]

- Mmm. Pop-tarts?

Butter?

- We've got our own gollum

in zombie city.

I think it went

real well.

- We're different.

Um, me in particular.

I'm--I'm different.

I've never been able

to really blend into society,

so I'm creating

my own world,

and I'm inviting

other outcasts

into a world

that I'm creating,

and we're just gonna be

a happy, wacky, weird,

creepy, crazy family.

Whatever it is

that's deep within you

that you think

is a little weird,

that you feel

self-conscious about,

that you usually hide,

we accept that

and appreciate that.

Like, disabilities

are not disabilities.

They're special features.

Are you weird, different?

Do you not

fit into society?

Do you occasionally

have random thoughts

about killing people

and creating massive fires

to wipe out everyone

on the planet?

Well, yeah.

Come on in to our group.

[Laughs]

- All right,

we're rolling.

- All right, I got

this stupid-ass,

imported video camera

that I got

from these dumb-ass people

walking through here.

I can't figure

how this son of a b*tch work.

I might even take--

take these vise grips

like I did

to one of my other victims.

- [Whimpering]

- And just reach in there,

put it on her tongue,

and twist and twist

and twist and twist

till she can't make

no more noise.

It's like, yeah!

I'll just yank it!

Hush up!

I ain't gonna hear you

after a while!

Oh, yeah!

- What? That was great!

[Laughter]

- That was exactly

what I was picturing.

Just random,

kind of old stories.

That was good.

- My name is

Pete "chainsaw" madden.

- Every chainsaw guy

I've ever met

is a little whacked out

and loves their chainsaw

way too much.

That's why we love him.

- I love my chainsaw.

I love my chainsaw.

We have so much fun

together.

[Laughing]

Oh, and the blades ain't

very sharp either.

That's what's best

about it.

[Laughs]

We having so much fun,

and it ain't over yet.

[Laughs]

Yeah!

[Laughs]

- [Groans]

- [Laughs]

- [Groaning]

- [Laughing]

- No! No!

No!

[Screams]

- Can you see that?

I'm not giving you

no more than that.

[Laughs]

- [Moans]

No!

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