Monsters Wanted Page #5

and nobody's very snappy,

which is nice.

- I don't--I don't mean

to get smart, Dave.

All right, well,

then don't worry about it.

If you want to--if--

ho, ho, ho!

The electrician's

a motherf***er.

- Why?

- Well, besides the fact that

he does shitty f***ing work,

and every f***ing wire

out there is nicked,

and I got to go redo

all the motherfuckers,

I just need to make sure

they're safe

and they're out there.

They're all nicked.

"Well, everything--this

whole f***ing thing for you

"has been a motherf***er.

I'm not doing another

motherfucking thing for you,"

and hung up on me.

[Scoffs]

He can go f*** himself.

- All right.

- [Sighs]

- Are we gonna be ready

for rehearsal?

- Yeah.

Are we going to invite other

people to our rehearsal?

No.

I don't remember.

They're written down.

- Andrew and t.C.

- Well, if you go around

and start moving actors around,

you'll irk me.

That's fine. Then--

if you start ordering

the actors around,

we're going to have

a problem.

If you have a problem

with an actor,

then you can come

to the stage managers,

and they'll take care of it

and address it.

Okay. How is that gonna work,

Joe? Please tell me.

And we--you and I

are gonna go over here

and have

another conversation

away from everyone else.

- Let's go, chief.

- Meow.

- I tried to politely

take it away from you.

F*** you! Go home!

Go the f*** home!

Come on, come on.

Come on.

- Are they over there,

fighting?

- They went to talk to Kenny,

I bet.

- The exact words were,

"whatever I tell an actor to do,

they're gonna do."

They're paid employees.

[Indistinct conversation]

- So, guys, what are we

all doing here?

- [Laughs]

Waiting for janel.

- Waiting on the drama

to resolve.

Then we can get

some work done.

- For one

of the other partners,

you know, he'd been here

since he started.

We came into this process

a little late,

Joe and I, so he

has animosity to us.

- Joe means--means well.

It's just, I think everybody's

got a little tension on 'em.

Uh, Joe feels like

he wasn't--I mean, everybody--

I think

it's communication.

Uh, those two have had

a breakdown in communication

a little bit,

for a while.

- We're out here every day.

We've called

every friend we know.

We've done every favor.

We hired people to do

the things we can't.

And we haven't seem him

until a week ago.

And now he's trying to come in

and take over,

and, well, obviously,

that irks everyone else

on the team.

There's always

one bad apple in the bunch.

You know, one wild card.

You don't know what's gonna

come out of whose mouth next.

Everyone's on the same page

and understands

what's happening,

except for the apple.

[Fishing hole by viva viva]

- We don't want to go

when we get old

- I think I need

the stress-relieving bobcat.

- every day's the same

out the window

- roughly speaking,

we're just behind and screwed,

so we're gonna--

we gotta slam it.

- Zombies are chasing you

down here,

and you're like,

"aah!"

- Every day's the same

out the window

passing

- what's the theory behind

how everything's being done?

- I'm running out of money.

- We don't want to go

when we get old

- I think we can be done

a week after we open.

- Rich and janel

are the bosses,

and I follow them

perfectly.

- And then a zombie

comes over here,

and they're like, "bleh,"

so you're like, "aah!"

And then the floor drops,

'cause you guys are,

"I'm gonna blow the sh*t

out of these motherfuckers!"

Boom! And you're like, unh.

Zombie disappears.

- I been looking

at photographs

- I emailed it to you,

I emailed it to dusty,

I emailed it to Nikki, and I

emailed it to April so that--

- I'll go dig back

through all the emails

to find it right now,

when I need it.

No problem.

Peter Piper's peppers sounds

like a kindergarten book.

- Yes. And more.

It does not.

- Tell me it does not.

- I know,

but we already did it,

and we've been doing it

for the last hour.

- Why do I have a razor blade

in my pocket?

- I don't know.

- I got more wonderful mail.

I opened it up.

It was a Halloween card.

It was

nightmare before Christmas.

I'm looking at it.

Ooh, a bag of lorazepam.

Somebody sent me

anxiety medicine.

And it had a little note

in there,

"don't go too crazy."

- He comes running back

in here, opens the door,

and you go, "aah!"

And you go running out.

- I was like, you know,

I've never actually had my head

shaved before, so f*** it.

Might as well.

- I'm about to have it all

pretty much shaved off,

all for the character.

- We've been getting home

so late at night

that I go to the computer,

and I start working.

I fall asleep

at the computer,

and then wake up at 7:30,

and we're out the door again.

- "Tired" implies

I get sleep.

But sleep?

I'm not sure right now.

- I'm not a millionaire.

I can't afford to put

real siding on the houses.

I can't afford to buy

the fake brick right now.

So we're doing

what we can.

- And the zombie

comes over here,

closes the door,

and resets.

That's how it goes.

- I didn't get that.

Can you do it

one more time?

[Indistinct chatter]

- Okay, makeup's gonna be

primary here,

secondary here,

tertiary here.

Boxes are gonna be

on this wall,

this wall,

and under here.

- So I was supposed to go

get makeup today?

- Yeah.

- When did you tell me that?

- Yesterday.

- You said that

you were gonna go to horner's

and pick up makeup

when you went to horner's.

- I did?

- Yes.

- Kaley, we may not have

the makeup to do tonight.

- I need to be building,

but I'm going to do

what we have to do tonight

with actors.

- Which is what?

- Semi-practice

dress rehearsal,

makeup, costume attempt

number one.

All will be well,

somehow.

Not sure how yet,

but it'll all work.

- Aah!

- God damn it, Pete!

- You knew it was coming.

- I did.

- Nice.

- [Laughs]

- He just laughs at you.

- It's only me and him

in this room alone,

and I'm

a little bit afraid.

I'm a little bit afraid

that he's gonna

scare the hell out of me.

- Because you're not gonna

get used to me.

[Laughs]

- I'm doomed.

- Pete, your laughter--

your laughter is like

music to my ears.

We love Pete.

It's like music, music.

- [Laughs]

- Welcome back

to the start of the asylum

haunted scream park stop.

Our whole season's

about to get going,

and we all know

it's going to be

an interestingly wild,

hard season.

So I wanted

to welcome you in again.

The point of tonight is,

"a," we're gonna

get everybody in costume.

Dusty and kaley are gonna start

hollerin' out people,

and we're gonna be walking

through the scenes,

more or less starting

front to back in the haunts,

taking you in

and working on costumes.

- I'm glad we're getting

to do this

'cause it'll work

all the kinks out,

and then we'll get everything

streamlined on Wednesday,

and I think we'll be

good to go on Friday.

- I need a cigarette.

- I need James, torin,

April, and Alex.

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