Monsters Wanted Page #6

- Come on, what about me?

- No. You're last now.

[Kick back

by sick of sarah]

- I get to work in scrubs,

and I didn't have to go

to school for it.

I'll be

in the isolation cage,

so yeah,

I'm gonna be gross.

It's gonna be awesome.

- It's not like anything

I've ever worn,

but I like it.

- Turn it over

to the flip side

looking for your answers

your route to crawl

and you'll tell

all your friends

- I will be, what?

A commando ninja girl

who will shoot you

if you've been bitten.

- For the kickbacks,

ripping on the rejects

they call their friends

- one has optional pants

that match.

Do you want a costume?

- They ain't gonna be looking.

- Okay.

- When that chainsaw

comes out of the refrigerator,

they're done.

- I know.

- Because they're gonna

run right out the door,

they're gonna fall down

on that ramp,

and I'm gonna be

right on top of 'em,

and I ain't gonna let 'em

get off that ramp.

- I know.

- And it's not a place

in time

we're just hoping

that you'll find

- I've done this

for 15 years.

You need to impress me,

okay?

Yes, you have

to impress the customers,

but you have

to impress me too,

'cause if not,

you won't get candy.

Let's walk and put everybody

in their seats.

You're not a zombie yet.

The infect--it's a virus.

So you've been infected,

but you haven't fully turned,

so you're crazy.

- Okay, okay.

Okay, I might be able

to make it work.

- You have to use a little bit

of imagination here

because not quite

all of it's done yet.

But I'm gonna be in the maze

somewhere, going around,

being behind the scenes,

moving the walls.

I will have different wigs,

um, and different bits

of costume

to help solidify the effect

of me being different people,

which is the reason

that this is gone.

We're puppets,

but I found my strings,

and now the strings

are cut.

Let the symphony begin.

- Something

we might have left behind

- As the groups

are coming through,

if you start getting

backed up,

you're going to have

to change your scene slightly

in order to

move people through faster.

Kaley, you ready?

- Yes!

- Take your groups and go!

- Just keep walking.

- What the hell?

- Oh, yeah. I have

to pee first, though.

- Our rehearsal

didn't go well, um,

in that I didn't know

what we were doing

or how we were doing it.

Yeah, he keeps hurting himself.

Look.

He's--he's done that already,

and then he did--

- see, the first time

I come out--

- he did that

the other day.

- He hurt himself last time.

- So I hit it,

and when I hit it,

the dumb thing,

it come out, and it cut my arm.

[Screaming]

[Laughs]

- Cover this with something,

but we need to

get you a handle.

- No, no, no.

You don't need to cover that.

I know now.

I know the door will slam.

- You're not bleeding

on customers.

- I can if I want to.

- No, you cannot.

- Yes, I can.

- No, it's against health codes.

- I can make 'em bleed.

- Okay.

- [Laughs]

- I'm just kidding.

Don't you dare.

- [Laughs]

- So while I was trying

to talk to my actors

and have them put in place

and get ready

for me to come around

and do it again,

most of 'em were just,

"okay, I did it," and left.

[Overlapping chatter]

- Do we stay here?

[Chatter]

- I don't want to stay here

in the dark.

- Well, you're gonna

be doing it for, like,

eight hours a night,

aren't you?

- Yeah, but I'm gonna

have a laser, though.

That's some type

of light.

- You got an iPhone.

- We can't even go back...

And, like, hang out?

- No, you can go back and talk

with Greg and Dustin.

'Cause I think

you're grouped with them.

- Okay, 'cause I don't want

to just stand here in the dark.

- They're back that way.

- This way?

- That way, yeah.

But you can walk around

on the outside.

That's what I just did.

- I can't do this.

[Laughter]

[Murmuring]

Oh, my God,

seriously, no.

[Laughter]

Not doing this.

- Um, like, what happened?

- I went over, and I did

the walk-through first

to check on zombie city,

'cause I was right there.

- Yeah.

I didn't know what you guys

were planning on doing,

and then, like, that's why I

wanted you to come and help me,

'cause I didn't know

what you guys

had planned on actually

having them do.

- Oh, okay.

- And so I was like,

well, you know--

- I'm sorry. I thought rich

was with you guys.

- No.

I--like, I tried to put them

in their scenes,

and then I was like,

"okay, go ahead and do this,

do this," and then they

started following us too.

And I was like, "well, I can't

just leave them in the dark,"

because there's

no lights out there,

and--and then krista

freaked out and left.

- You need to say,

"this is your spot. Sit."

- Yeah, and I did.

Most of 'em did.

- [Moaning]

- We're having

a conversation.

- Oh, okay.

- Quick, rich.

How'd it go?

- Fantastic!

F***.

- I think

the most disappointing thing

was knowing that my actors

were underprepared,

just because

our--our rehearsal

had not gone

terribly well,

and there were some major

miscommunications that happened.

- There's a bit of 'em

on the, uh, stage.

- Okay. All right.

Oh, that's disgusting.

- We're gonna build

our asses off with a hammer.

[Drilling]

- God!

- Okay, let's go

build us a carnival.

[Saw buzzing]

- We're at least over halfway

done with the frames,

which is great.

Who knew?

Just cut some wood,

and you can just

build something real quick.

I'm known as Shawn of the dead

in the community.

It's a

performance art/freak show.

[High-pitched]

I'm all pretty.

[Normal voice]

I'll hammer nails into my face.

[Tapping]

Power drills.

Shove big hooks.

[Onlookers scream

and groan]

- God!

- [Clears throat]

Most people

don't understand.

I don't know why.

- I should probably

wear safety glasses,

which I'm not.

[Laughs]

I'm pretty sure we're not

using the sawhorses right,

'cause I've never actually

used sawhorses,

which I know is actually

the safer way to do this.

I'm probably doing

a whole ton of stuff wrong.

Yeah, no, that's not safe.

Don't do that.

- I had to fix this part.

- It was crinkled

a little bit?

- Yeah.

- What do you think it was?

- Well, I think

that's the rain.

- They were supposed to

use plastic,

and they used this stuff.

This stuff lets water

permeate it.

Wasted time,

wasted money.

This time of year,

I'm reminded about, like,

why do I keep doing it?

And I keep on telling myself,

next year,

or whatever's here,

if I buy something,

it's an investment,

and we don't have

to hopefully buy as much

the following year,

but we've always bought

more and more.

- Yeah.

- Credit cards

are so maxed out

by the time

October comes around,

you hope November,

you can pay 'em off.

- [Laughs]

- I need you upstairs.

She's shopping

for scary sh*t,

and this is

carnival sh*t day.

Like, carnival sh*t.

How much?

- [Clears throat]

- I just found

Halloween bears.

- You can't say,

"I don't know."

That does not work for me.

- [Clears throat]

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