Monte Carlo Page #2

(LA VIE EN ROSEPLAYING)

Nobody pinch me.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Miss! Mademoiselle! That way.

How are they all

moving so fast?

Well,

they're not wearing

four-inch hoochie heels, for starters.

Let me tell you something

about shoes, Meg.

They ain't hurtin',

they ain't helpin'.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Whew! Much better.

Thank you very much.

No problem, any time.

Oh. Australian.

Mind your step.

Precious cargo.

Good day.

Oh, no more wine.

Sorry. Finished, finished. No more.

What is that?

(PROTESTING IN FRENCH)

Eat soon. Quick.

- No, I can't eat that.

- WAITER:
Pardon.

Uh, I need a fork.

- Well...

- TOUR GUIDE:
Eat quickly, please.

Uh, I need a spoon.

TOUR GUIDE:
Quickly, please. Okay.

Thank you. On your right.

You have no luggage?

EMMA:
"The

Junior Ambassador Suite

"offers luxury accommodation,

sumptuous decor,

"and oozes charm."

Oozes.

Guys, the room

doesn't matter.

Well, there has to be

some kind of mistake.

Oh, yeah, why don't you

just toddle downstairs

and sort it all out,

en franais?

Can we just please

make the best of it?

I mean, we'll hardly

ever be here.

Look, I'll take the cot.

(EXCLAIMS)

MEG:
Oh, look.

I found the spa facilities.

Oh, great.

Now find an outlet,

because my phone is dying

and I don't want

to miss when Owen calls to apologize.

And when he does,

I need you guys... Oops.

You guys to act like

we're having a really good time, okay?

We are having

a good time.

No one is having

a good time.

How can you complain?

I get it, it's your thing,

but come on, we're in Paris.

Ah, bonjour!

EMMA:
Got it!

TOUR GUIDE:
Everybody off.

(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)

Okay.

EMMA:
Wow.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

We're up real high.

You okay?

Yeah.

GRACE:
Do you

have any change?

EMMA:
Meg has got some.

(MEG SIGHS)

Hey, Meg, who's that guy?

What guy?

Dude, that guy clocking you.

That guy, right there.

Wow. You can see

everything from up here.

There is the Grand Palais,

Les Invalides.

There's our bus.

GRACE:
Oh, yeah. Huh.

Hello, again.

Hi.

Look, there's Madame Valerie.

I saw you at Sacre-Coeur

yesterday, didn't I?

EMMA:
Wait a second.

Are they...

They're leaving.

My name's Riley. What's yours?

GRACE:
Meg,

the bus is leaving!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

EMMA:
Oh, God.

(KEEP YOUR HEAD PLAYING)

(MEG GROANS)

Wait, the elevator's

right here.

We don't have time!

Excuse me!

No, wait!

(SINGING) Ten minutes to go

Go, go, go!

Yeah, I've got to go home

Ten minutes to go

Hurry!

Everybody disappear

You're in it on your own

Ten minutes to go

You know you wanna stay home

Ten minutes to go

Yeah, you wanna stay home

Ten minutes to go...

Emma, come on!

(WHIMPERS)

(EXCLAIMS)

- Stop the bus!

- Wait!

Excuse me.

- Don't leave!

- Wait!

Excuse me! Excuse me! Wait!

Wait! No! No!

- No!

- Come back.

This tour

is ass.

Okay, Meg,

it's a disaster! Are you happy?

Hey, it's okay.

No, it's not.

What is the matter with you?

I'm just being honest.

She's right.

I single-handedly chose

the worst tour in all of Paris.

How did you choose it?

Meg, I'm not quite

up to reviewing my process right now.

So let's just say

that I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

Emma, I'm sorry

that you wasted your savings.

No, you got us here.

I'm even sorry

that you got dragged into this

and that I'll have to

hear about it every

Thanksgiving and Christmas

for the next

however many years.

Grace.

But most of all,

I'm sorry that I ever thought I was the kind

of person that could come to Paris.

I'm sorry.

Can we just leave it at that?

(EMMA SHRIEKS)

(EMMA GROANS)

How far is our hotel?

Wait, where you going?

Inside.

She's here. Cordelia!

Cordelia, please!

Grace, wait!

What?

What in the heck

was that all...

Oh, nice and big.

MEG:
There she is.

No ticket? No itinerary?

I am sorry,

but there is nothing.

And how do you propose

I travel to Monte Carlo in the morning?

(CRYING)

Hey, Grace, it's okay.

Yeah, yeah, Grace,

you just got to pull it together.

Okay, don't!

Don't be sweet

and don't be

whatever it is that you are.

Just don't talk to me.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Meg.

These are cloth.

Mademoiselle Scott,

Mademoiselle Scott... No, Miss Scott,

I explain to you.

I have checked and

there is nothing. No sign of package.

(EXHALES)

Does anyone here

speak English?

This is not English

we are speaking?

It's me, Cordelia.

Yes, I'm still in Paris.

Mother's forcing me to go to some

charity thing to repair my rep.

I don't know.

Polar bears, hungry people.

Where are you?

Majorca! Hmm.

If I leave now,

I can catch a flight

and be on the beach

by the morning.

No, I won't even check out.

Mummy will think

I'm off doing her errand.

By the time she works out

that I'm not there or here...

Let me call you

when I get to the airport.

GRACE:
Emma.

It may take a while.

It appears to be raining...

GRACE:
Can you

hand me a towel?

...quite hard.

(SIGHS) Thanks for nothing.

Who was that head case?

Who does she think

she is?

(SIGHS)

EMMA:
I'm telling you,

trust us.

GRACE:
You guys, easy.

Look at this.

Look, with her hair pulled back.

(GASPS) You look just like her.

I look nothing like her.

You didn't even see her.

I heard her.

Yeah,

that's the same thing.

That's crazy.

- Look this way.

- You guys are like twins.

Stop it!

Scowl. (GROWLS) Do it.

If only you were British.

Mummy wants me

to help people, poor people.

But I hate poor people.

How are you

doing that? That's really creepy.

Who cares?

It kind of sounds like

a mean Mary Poppins. I like it, do more.

Okay. I want

to go to Spain.

I want to see my friends.

I want a golden goose.

Excuse me, Miss Scott.

Good news.

The courier successfully

located your package.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Oh, no, I'm not...

She's not...

No. No, there has

been a mistake.

Yes, yes, we know.

We are so, so sorry.

Your package

will be here in the morning.

In the meantime,

we have found,

as you requested,

a 26-pound langouste.

I shall take it in my room.

In the room.

(SIGHS)

Can you imagine having a room like

this and not even staying in it?

Yeah. So, we're not

staying here.

Meg, you watching?

Great, now we have

to make the bed.

GRACE:
Meg,

can you just...

EMMA:
Relax.

GRACE:
We're just resting.

Oh!

Chocolate.

Mmm!

It's like money.

Meg, come on,

it's been a really long day.

Let's... Let's bond.

Fine.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Just until it stops raining.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Oui?

Oui, oui?

What time is it?

Oui, oui?

Meg.

Meg! Hey, wake up.

Oh, frak!

Who fell asleep?

Oui!

What did they say?

I'm not a hundred

percent sure,

but I think

my car is here.

MANAGER:
Oh, Mademoiselle Scott!

Just keep moving.

Miss Scott.

Miss Scott!

Miss Scott, your package.

Your package has arrived this morning.

Take it.

Just take it.

Merci.

Let's help you

to your car.

No! We're fine.

MANAGER:
Oh, yes, please!

GRACE:
Thank you, again.

Miss Scott.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Your car is waiting.

No, thank you.

But we'll walk.

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