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Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #3
- PG
- Year:
- 1975
- 91 min
- 6,426 Views
The CART DRIVER looks at the LARGE MAN for a moment. Then they both
do a quick furtive look up and down the street. The CART DRIVER
very swiftly brings up a club and hits the OLD MAN. (Out of shot
but the singing stops after a loud bonk noise.)
LARGE MAN:
(handing over the money at last)
Thanks very much.
CART DRIVER:
That's all right. See you on Thursday.
They turn ... Suddenly all the village fall to their knees, touching
forelocks etc. ARTHUR and PATSY ride into SHOT, slightly nose to
the air, they ride through without acknowledging anybody. After
they pass, the LARGE MAN turns to the CART DRIVER.
LARGE MAN:
Who's that then?
CART DRIVER:
(Grudgingly)
I dunno, Must be a king.
LARGE MAN:
Why?
CART DRIVER:
He hasn't got sh*t all over him.
3 EXTERIOR - DAY
ARTHUR and PATSY riding. They stop and look. We see a castle in the
distance, and before it a PEASANT is working away on his knees trying
to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig. ARTHUR and
PATSY ride up, and stop before the PEASANT
ARTHUR:
Old woman!
DENNIS:
Man!
ARTHUR:
Man. I'm sorry. Old man, What knight live in that castle
over there?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven.
ARTHUR:
What?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven ... I'm not old.
ARTHUR:
Well - I can't just say: "Hey, Man!'
DENNIS:
Well you could say: "Dennis"
ARTHUR:
I didn't know you were called Dennis.
DENNIS:
You didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR:
I've said I'm sorry about the old woman, but from the behind
you looked ...
DENNIS:
What I object to is that you automatically treat me like
an inferior ...
ARTHUR:
Well ... I AM king.
DENNIS:
Oh, very nice. King, eh! I expect you've got a palace and fine
clothes and courtiers and plenty of food. And how d'you get that?
By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist
dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our
society! If there's EVER going to be any progress ...
OLD WOMAN:
Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here ... Oh!
how d'you do?
ARTHUR:
How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...
can you tell me who lives in that castle?
OLD WOMAN:
King of the WHO?
ARTHUR:
The Britons.
OLD WOMAN:
Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR:
All of us are ... we are all Britons.
DENNIS winks at the OLD WOMAN.
... and I am your king ....
OLD WOMAN:
Ooooh! I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were
an autonomous collective ...
DENNIS:
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship,
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...
OLD WOMAN:
There you are, bringing class into it again ...
DENNIS:
That's what it's all about ... If only -
ARTHUR:
Please, please good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in
that castle?
OLD WOMAN:
No one live there.
ARTHUR:
Well, who is your lord?
OLD WOMAN:
We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR:
What?
DENNIS:
I told you, We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take
it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR:
Yes.
DENNIS:
... But all the decision of that officer ...
ARTHUR:
Yes, I see.
DENNIS:
... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority
in the case of purely internal affairs.
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
... but a two-thirds majority ...
ARTHUR:
Be quiet! I order you to shut up.
OLD WOMAN:
Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR:
I am your king!
OLD WOMAN:
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR:
You don't vote for kings.
OLD WOMAN:
Well, how did you become king, then?
ARTHUR:
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,
held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by
Divine Providence ... that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...
That is why I am your king!
OLD WOMAN:
Is Frank in? He'd be able to deal with this one.
DENNIS:
Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out
swords ... that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme
executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from
some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would
put me away!
ARTHUR:
(Grabbing him by the collar)
Shut up, will you. Shut up!
DENNIS:
Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.
DENNIS:
(calling)
Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
Help, help, I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR:
(aware that people are now coming out and watching)
Bloody peasant!
(pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)
DENNIS:
Oh, Did you hear that! What a give-away.
ARTHUR:
Come on, patsy.
They ride off.
DENNIS:
(in the background as we PULL OUT)
did you see him repressing me, then? That's what I've
been on about ...
MIX THROUGH to ARTHUR and PATSY riding through the forest. They pass rune
stones. We TRACK with them. CLOSE-UPS of their faces as they ride.
MIX to another TRACKING SHOT of them riding through the forest. They
come to a clearing and stop, looking ahead intently. Their eyes light up.
Sound FX of fight.
CUT TO their eyeline. A clearing on the other side of which is a rough
wooden foot-bridge across a stream. At the start of the bridge a
tremendous fight is going on. A huge BLACK KNIGHT in black armour, his
face totally masked in a visor, is fighting a slightly smaller KNIGHT in
green armour. (Perhaps the GREEN KNIGHT's armour is identical to the
BLACK KNIGHT's save for the colour.)
CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY. They watch, growing more impressed
as they watch the fight.
CUT BACK TO the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT lunges at the BLACK KNIGHT, who
avoids the blow with a skillful side-step and parry, knocking the sword
out of the GREEN KNIGHT's hand.
CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY even more impressed.
CUT BACK TO the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT has drawn out a particularly nasty
mace or spiked ball and chain, much longer than the BLACK KNIGHT's sword.
ARTHUR narrows his eyes, wondering whether the BLACK KNIGHT will survive.
CUT BACK to the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT swings at the BLACK KNIGHT, who
ducks under the first swing, leaps over the second and starts to close
on the GREEN KNIGHT.
CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY watching like a tennis match. Sound FX of the
fight reaching a climax. Four almighty clangs. Then Silence.
CUT BACK to see the GREEN KNIGHT stretched out. The BLACK KNIGHT
sheathes his sword.
ARTHUR looks at PATSY. Nods and they move forward.
CUT BACK TO the BLACK KNIGHT picking up the GREEN KNIGHT above his head
and hurling him into the river. ARTHUR and PATSY approach him.
ARTHUR:
You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
BLACK KNIGHT:
Who dares to challenge the Black Knight?
ARTHUR:
I do not challenge you.
The BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says nothing.
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"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/monty_python_and_the_holy_grail_931>.
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