Morning Glory Page #7

For first look at weather,

here's Ernie Appleby.

Thanks, Colleen.

I'd like to take a moment to welcome

Mike Pomeroy to his first broadcast.

As one hurricane said to another,

I have my eye on you.

And lookin' across the country today,

you'll see we still have

that high-pressure system

comin' out of the Midwest.

We'll dissolve to tape.

Tape, stand by.

I want a center shot. Just keep...

Just center on one. Center on one.

That's perfect. Here we...

OK, great. Ready one. Ready two.

And go two.

Dissolve to Mike, and cue them.

And ticker in.

Tomorrow on Daybreak, we'll show you

eight things you didn't know

you could do with potatoes.

Should be fun.

Also, we'll talk to some relief workers

who say the international community

- has abrogated its duty to protect...

- What the hell is abrogated?

That wasn't on the teleprompter.

- Ready to widen on two.

- And that's our show for this morning.

Welcome to the Daybreak family, Mike.

- And thank you...

- Thank you, everyone. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- How many is that?

- Goodbye.

- Three each.

- Bye.

- And we're out!

- Fade to black. Here we go.

- Bye-bye.

You know what you are?

Excuse me for saying this,

but you're an a**hole, OK?

- Becky! What's her last name?

- You said you would banter!

No, no, no, no.

You said I would banter.

I said I would anchor a news show.

That's what my contract calls for.

And that's what I'm going to do.

But, Mike, you can't just go out there

and give monosyllabic answers

- and talk about natural disasters!

- Are you sure?

'Cause I think that's what I just did.

Anyway, what are you doing here?

You have to get back to your office

and wait for your phone call

from Jimmy Carter.

- What?

- Jimmy Carter, "sexual offender."

Now, go away, I'm busy.

- But Mike, can you just promise...

- Go away.

Go away. I just go away!

Hey. It wasn't that bad.

I don't wanna talk about it.

OK.

There's a plan.

Sorry, just...

Hey.

I may need to see who that is.

- OK. What if something happens?

- Then someone else

will cover the world's biggest pumpkin.

- That's not fair.

- No.

No. Because you work for

a magazine show.

- Yes.

- And you do one 15-minute story

- every two months.

- That's right.

And we are doing 15 stories a day,

none more than three minutes each,

I mean, maybe three and a half,

if it's the President

or they're nude photos or something...

How reliable

is your alarm clock?

...is making progress.

However, one good piece of news

- is that the winds have come in...

- What's goin' on?

Fire out west.

They're looking for an arsonist

and they think that he might have

set the fire, like, three weeks ago?

He could be a serial offender.

- It's the middle of the night.

- I'm sorry.

I have had such a lovely time.

I really have and I...

- I'm so glad that we...

- Go.

- What?

- You want to go. You should go.

Are you sure about that?

Get out of here.

Thank you.

Good Morning America

got the mother of the arsonist.

What? Ass!

Don't. All right, I need

an arsonist spouse or something.

- Damn it.

- So you're gettin'scooped

like every morning. How come?

I mean, do you have any kind of plan?

Yes, the show will still...

need some fine-tuning...

Fine-tuning? Really?

Can you tune something

when nothing is working?

Mike Pomeroy is the key

to making this show work.

Well, at the moment, he's ruining

your show, and to be honest,

you haven't got much time

for fine-tuning, right?

- Yeah. I'm not worried.

- You're... Really?

I'm not worried.

How about profiles?

We're doing a piece on Daniel Boulud.

Does it end with me in

the kitchen making profiterole?

No.

Cornish hens.

OK, forget that.

How about an interview

with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill?

Either one of them becomes president

or cures cancer, let me know.

But I do have one good lead.

Yeah? Yeah, really?

- I hear you're dating Senor Dipshit.

- What?

- How did you make that happen?

- Who told you that?

- Him and you, really?

- No, I'm...

Because usually, you know, he dates

girls that are sort of, you know with...

Taffy pullers with...

heavy meatballs?

There's a developing story

coming out of Albany, though.

The governor's

tax returns are being audited.

Oh, for God's sakes,

you're killing me, no!

- I want people to get to know you.

- No, you don't.

You want me to pander so you can

sell erectile dysfunction medication.

- Oh, no, I don't.

- Well, I won't!

Oh, my God!

It's you, you're that guy!

I just saw you this morning and

everyone was eating stuffed zucchini,

and you were cranky about it. I was

like, "Oh, my God, there's that guy!"

You used to do news, right?

Like a while ago? It's...

Please, remove your hand

from my person. Thank you.

This is great! Thank you!

I can't believe it! Dan Rather!

- Dan Rather!

- See? People want to like you.

You're...

you're in their home every day,

and, you know,

it's an honor and, you know,

why can't you just do stories

people might enjoy? Mike...

We're in trouble. I'm in trouble.

Help me, please.

Dan Rather. For Christ's sake.

Becky! Becky!

Becky.

I have a great idea for a segment.

Get ready for this.

Past lives.

If we could find out who celebrities

had been in their past lives, I think

that would be terrific, don't you?

I mean, what if Justin Timberlake

had been Abraham Lincoln?

Many actors have changed their names

to be taken more seriously.

Ricky Schroder became Rick.

The Rock became Dwayne Johnson.

And Portia de Rossi's

name used to be Amanda,

but she changed it so as to

sound more like the car,

which she felt sounded

more impressorial.

A new name has become the latest,

hottest accessory for celebrities,

like a Birkin bag or a baby.

Back to you, Mike or Michael.

- Dissolve to Mike and ticker in.

- How did she get here?

- Don't ask.

- What? Is she sleeping with someone?

Pardon me?

Thanks.

- Have you seen these?

- Yes, but...

You want to make the ratings worse?

That's why you came here?

Well, no.

Mike is still getting up to speed.

- I'm working on a couple elements.

- Gettin' Mike up to speed?

- Yeah.

- You're circling the drain.

You rarely book anybody decent

because of the ratings.

- You're not gettin' any big interviews.

- We just need more time.

- Just a little...

- God, you're, you're more naive

- than I thought, aren't ya?

- Excuse me?

The network wants to cancel the show.

They want to run game shows

and syndicated talk instead.

For a second,

I thought you might have a shot,

especially when you got Pomeroy.

But the joke's on me,

'cause it turns out you failed even more

completely than the network thought.

In six weeks, they cancel the show.

Not only will you have significantly

weakened our news division,

you will have presided over the

demise of a show that's been on the air

for 47 years! Nice work.

Why don't you go over to PBS and see

if you can kill Sesame Street.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes