Motel Hell Page #4

- Of course I'm all right.

Is it?

Are you and Vincent...

Yeah! We're getting married

tomorrow afternoon.

I don't believe it!

You mean he's not forcing you?

Forcing me?

- I love Vincent.

- Oh, you're sick.

I am not sick!

Well, what about us?

I'm madly in love with you!

You can't marry Vincent!

Bruce, will you listen to me!

I love Vincent,

and he's gonna be my old man!

Get it?

You can't marry him.

The law won't allow it!

- He's insane!

- He is not.

Oh...

Didn't he tell you?

He's got syphilis of the brain!

That's right!

He's not normal at all...

and he's dumb, yeah...

and his pecker

don't work either!

Boy, are you going

to be disappointed...

when he gets out

of those overalls...

on his wedding night...

and there's this

shriveled-up prune!

I think you better leave

before Vincent comes back.

Let him come back!

You think I'm scared of him?

What's the matter?

Oh, hi, Vince.

Pretty good joke, huh?

Huh?

Oh, come on, Vince.

Better put that down.

You know, accidents do happen.

If there weren't

a lady present...

you might not be alive

right now.

Well, don't be such a...

Well, I'm sorry to see that

you're taking this so hard.

You're gonna regret that,

Vincent.

Don't forget...

I'm the law around here!

Oh, no, Vince! Oh! Don't!

I have a little surprise

for you.

What is it?

Just a little something.

- It's so beautiful...

- Here, here.

Only the best

for my little girl.

All right!

A party! Champagne! Great!

Thank you.

Well...

here's to Terry,

my bride-to-be...

and the sweetest

little creature...

since sugar-cured ham.

And... me?

Well, what for?

For the hell of it.

All right!

Here's to my little sister Ida,

for the hell of it!

Kind of tickles the tummy,

doesn't it?

- Can I have a kiss?

- Yeah.

Oh. Excuse me.

Thank you, Ida.

Are you nervous?

Yeah, I am a little bit.

Well, drink up, girl.

That's what it's there for.

You're right!

- I love champagne.

- It's good.

She's out.

Let's go to work.

You think they deserve it?

Ida, what does

the good book say?

I know:
"Do unto others...

as ye would have others

do unto ye," right?

Right.

And no animal should ever suffer

any unnecessary pain.

There, there now.

None of that.

I have a treat for you.

I had a feeling you boys

could get behind this.

Now... as you check out

the swirling colors...

notice how your heads become

more and more mellow.

Each word I say will take you

farther and farther...

into a radical hypno high!

Heavier, but smoother than

any trip you've ever had.

You boys know about

astral projection?

All right now, by the time

I count to 10...

we're going to project you

beyond Mars!

We're going to send you

to a place...

where people are so far out,

they have wings!

All right, here we go.

10...

9...

8...

Copilot Ida, put the space belts

on our passengers.

Aye aye, Captain Vincent!

Space belts in place, Captain.

7...

6...

5...

Copilot Ida...

secure the hatches

and prepare for takeoff.

Aye aye!

4...

3...

Ready for takeoff!

2...

1...

Takeoff!

Well done.

Oh, sometimes I wonder about...

the karmic implications of

these acts.

I can no more take credit

for the good...

we've done here tonight

than if...

if that great pilot

in the sky...

had blessed each of them...

with a bolt of lightning

through their hearts.

Of course.

Your spaceship awaits you,

Captain.

Oh, yeah.

Strip 'em down and clean 'em up.

Okey-dokey.

Terry?

Oh, Bruce, what are you

doing here?

Don't worry about me.

You're the one who's in danger!

What are you talking about?

I think Vincent may be

planning to kill you!

Oh, Bruce, I can't believe

you're trying...

to pull that number on me again.

No, please!

Look, I did some detective work.

You won't believe some of

the things I found out!

You gotta listen to me!

What the hell's the matter

with you?

I'm just hungry, that's all.

Hey, could I slice off

a piece of...

No, damn it!

You know we're short...

and I'm not going to smoke

any more than these 3 tonight.

All right.

I can't help it!

Well, then go get something

to eat, but make it snappy.

Okey-dokey. I'll be right back.

Terry, come on! Hurry up!

They'll be back soon!

I found some of

Vincent's shotgun shells...

right near where

you had your accident.

So what?

He always goes duck hunting

around there.

Hold out your hand.

I dug those out of the front

tire of your motorcycle.

Are you trying to tell me

that he shot us?

Yeah, I am trying...

and that's not all.

Wait till you hear what I

found in the marsh.

What?

Oh, only about 200 cars

he ambushed...

and sunk in there.

- Come on, let's go.

- I'll be there in a minute.

Terry, what the hell

are you doing?

I'm not going to wait

any longer.

What are you...?

It's time for your lesson.

We're gonna teach you the finer

points of meat-smoking.

Go!

I guess we better

explain everything to her...

so she can give us a hand.

The sooner we pack

all this up...

the sooner we can all

get to bed.

Right?

Let her go.

Look at me.

Look at me, I said.

Now...

what do you see?

Get the hell out of here...

and get Bruce and bring him

back here right now!

Okey-dokey.

What are you doing here, huh?

Do you need some water?

Come on, my beauties.

That's right.

Oh, come on, girl.

Haven't you ever cleaned a fish?

There's nothing cruel...

in what I'm doing here.

I treat most of my stock...

better than farmers

treat their animals.

I don't feed them

chemicals or hormones.

And when you consider

the way the world is today...

there's no question

that I'm doing...

a lot of them a big favor.

What right do you

have to play God?

I'm not trying to play God.

I wouldn't even know

how to begin.

I'm just helping out.

There's too many people

in the world...

and not enough food.

Now, this takes care

of both problems...

at the same time.

But humans?

Human flesh?

How could you do it?

What are you talking about?

Hell, half the people

in this county...

have been eating human flesh...

that I have smoked

for over 30 years...

and loving it.

You, yourself, said that

my ham was like...

nothing you'd ever

tasted before.

I wish I could

have introduced you...

into my private world

in my own way.

But, oh, no.

Little brother had to

interfere, didn't he?

He's a fool!

And he's the biggest cannibal

in the whole county.

Did you know that?

The biggest cannibal

in the whole county.

Where the hell is she?

Probably stuffing

her face again.

Well...

I better finish these,

or I'll be up all night.

It's locked...

from the outside.

Well, I guess Ida was right.

She told me you'd never fit in.

I'm very sorry, Terry.

Terry?

Terry?

Vincent?

Bruce!

Bruce! Help me, please!

Bruce, get me out of here!

Bruce!

Bruce! Help me!

Please!

Vincent?

Bruce!

Help!

Terry!

There you go.

Vincent.

Oh, Lord!

You can have the...

the motel...

and the garden.

What garden?

The secret garden...

at the end of the... dirt road.

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