Motel Hell Page #3

a room for the night.

Come on inside. I'll fix you up.

Come on.

Hey, this place is cool,

isn't it?

Well, we can turn up

the heat if you like.

"Turn up the heat."

That's too... that's... what?

Are you sure this is

the right place?

- Trust me.

- Howdy.

Ma'am.

Well, you look like

a man who knows...

how to get down.

Are you all right, honey?

I'm fine. But we were trying

to find some woman...

who was yelling that somebody

was trying to kill her.

Hey, Vince, did you hear

a 10-33...

on your scanner

about half an hour ago?

No, I didn't.

But maybe it's because

I wasn't listening.

Hi, everybody.

When did the party start?

There ain't no party.

Bruce was just

asking me if we heard...

any 10-33s on the CB.

Did you hear anything?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I did.

Some kids making prank calls...

screaming murder,

and that kind of thing...

so the truckers and smokies

go on wild goose chases?

Damn. We'll have to

report it to...

the Federal Communications

Commission.

Well, I guess I'll be

heading home now.

If you hear those kids again...

you just give me a call.

Will do.

Good night, Bruce.

I had a real good time.

Thanks a lot.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Hey, anytime you want

a little excitement...

you know where to find it.

Night, now.

Night.

Good night.

All right.

Look, now that smokey's gone,

do you mind filling us in

on the scene?

The what?

Come on. The action.

There must be some mis...

Uh! Vincent, look.

Here we are.

Oh! Yeah.

Is there anything wrong?

We just didn't expect

to make this issue.

Ain't this great, Vincent?

It sure is.

Uh, cabin 1...

Ida will show you the way.

You want us to register?

No, that won't be necessary.

Dig it.

What do you say

we meet in say, oh...

- 10 minutes.

- Yeah.

That'll be fine.

And why don't you

invite your daughter.

She's not my daughter.

Whatever.

This way, folks.

Oh, Vincent, don't forget

your stretching exercises.

"Stretching exercises"?

I told you!

Easy, Guy, easy.

We have...

Who sent in $1,000.

You know, we're all God's tools.

There's somebody

out there with $1,000...

Edie, where's my jelly?

Aren't you even gonna shave?

I always do.

Just go to your phone

and dial that number...

that you see running underneath

your television screen.

- Hey...

- Huh?

I wonder if they're

into animals.

I certainly hope so!

Oh! I can't take it

when you wiggle that weapon.

If you can't take it,

then I'll take you.

- Oh, Edie...

- Huh?

Warm me up.

Let's get greasy.

We do need this money

to continue the telecast.

Oh, that is...

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Fantastic. Wha...? What?

What? Oh!

We didn't even get a chance

to warm up, you know.

Oh, great. You're into bondage.

Come on in. We'll all get down.

Thank you.

You look good enough to eat.

I hope so!

Oh! Uh... listen...

do you want me to...

Tie me up, old man.

OK?

- Oh, I'll tie you up.

- All right. Tie me up, girl.

You do that pretty good.

What is this, dog style?

No, ma'am. Hog.

I'm just about ready

to throw in the towel.

Would you put your hands

behind your back, please?

Sure. Listen, you got

any pigs around here?

Nitrous oxide.

Sookie, sookie. Me first.

You take it easy, now.

There's enough for everybody.

Ok. Right.

Ok. Go for it.

Wow! Come on. Let's go!

Okey-dokey.

Listen, that doesn't

smell like laughing gas.

Ah, this is special

laughing gas.

What is that sh*t?!

What is it? Oh...

With this stuff...

you smell it and we

do the laughing.

All we have to do is give

to be happy.

Well, you're up

bright and early today.

I'm getting used to life

on the farm, I guess.

And you?

Well, today's my day

for planting alfalfa.

How would you like it

if someday I taught you...

the ancient art of meat-smoking?

I'd be honored.

Well, don't be too sure

about that.

Sometimes folks don't

have a stomach for it.

Well, don't worry about me.

Mine's cast-iron.

That's a good start.

It's beautiful.

Well... see ya later, honey.

OK.

What are you doing

in here, girl?!

You know what Vincent

would do if he caught you?

I shudder to think of it.

I'm sorry! I was just curious.

The door was open,

and Vincent said...

he was gonna teach me

how to smoke meats.

Ohh... he did?

Yeah. This morning.

Oh, well, I see.

That's... that's different then.

I just want to be

helpful to you, Ida.

Of course, you'll be

able to help out a lot.

That'll be nice.

What a day for tubin'.

"Tubin"'?

Yeah, tubin', my precious one.

Haven't you ever... tubed?

I'm not a very strong swimmer.

Oh, you don't have to be.

That's the beauty of it.

I don't know how to swim at all.

Are you sure?

All right. 1... 2... 3...

Ida, what's that noise?

My tube is leaking.

Hang on! Hang on!

I'll come and help you.

I... I can't swim.

Here. Grab on to my tube.

Ida!

Help! Help!

What are you doing, Vincent?

Vincent!

I'm so sorry about

what happened.

I was just so scared.

I hope you'll forgive me.

Yes, of course I do.

Then I feel better.

Well, I gotta go

tidy up a bit...

and I'll just leave you 2...

alone.

You saved me.

I can't tell you

what a horrible feeling it is...

to be pulled down under

by somebody.

Oh, you poor thing.

Let's not talk about it anymore.

It's over.

You feeling better now?

Yeah.

Thanks to you.

Vincent?

Kiss me.

Not like that!

Vincent... take me.

That's indecent. Cover yourself.

What's the matter?

We should be married first.

Are you proposing to me?

Vincent, I think I'd like

to be alone for a little while.

I know.

I'll... I'll leave you be.

Glory, glory, glory!

I'm talking in tongues,

I'm just so happy for you.

God bless you, Vincent.

Listen, we're going to

take care of everything.

We'll have it all done

by tomorrow...

and it's going to be

a happy day.

So you don't worry

about anything now.

Thank you, Reverend.

Thank you.

I believe I'm gonna

have a glory fit.

Glory, glory...

Congratulations, Sheriff!

What for?

- Surely you must know.

- Uh-uh.

Vincent's getting married.

- What?

- That's right.

He told me to order a service

for him tomorrow.

I don't believe it!

Who's he getting married to?

Sheriff, is that a lewd magazine

you have in your car there?

Oh, uh... that?

I confiscated it

from one of the kids.

Sheriff, please give it to me

so I can properly destroy it.

Oh, uh... sure.

Here you go.

Say, who's gonna be

Vincent's bride anyway?

Oh, that poor thing

that he rescued...

from the motorcycle accident.

That's impossible.

Well, the Lord's ways

are sometimes mysterious.

I'll say. See you later.

She wouldn't marry

an old goat like that...

unless he put a gun

to her head.

I bet that's it.

I bet the old geezer finally

flipped out.

Oh, my god.

Oh, glory!

Hi, Brucey!

You're sick, you know that?

Both of you!

Terry!

Terry, where are you?

She's taking a bath, Brucey.

We'll see about that.

I don't have a warrant,

but you try and stop me!

What the heck?

Terry!

Bruce, what are you doing?

- You're all right!

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