Mousehunt Page #3

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(Squeaking)

(Chugging)

(Squeaking)

Lars! Gimme a hand with this.

(Lars) You sure this tub

fits with the house?

Jacuzzi tub, Lars.

It's a Jacuzzi tub.

And this isn't just a house.

It's a LaRue.

Of course it fits the decor.

- Luxury is timeless.

- How much, Ernie?

(Sighs) It was a steal at $1200.

(Lars) $1200?

You spent our last money on a tub!

(Ernie) A Jacuzzi tub!

You have to spend money

to make money.

They threw in the cardboard lady too.

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

(Yelling)

(Screaming)

- (Sighing)

- Well...

(Lars sighing) Don't you think

this is a little...much?

Never underestimate your opponent.

Say he has mastered a way to empty

a mousetrap without getting caught.

If he snaps one of these babies,

a chain reaction

will start snapping them all.

The law of averages

says one has to nab him.

(Sighs) Not bad.

Yes. Well, I like

to use both sides of my brain.

Come on, let's hit the sack.

(Sighing)

- Have you figured it out yet?

- Shut up.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking!

Ernie. Ernie!

Keep perfectly still. This is it.

- What's he doing?

- I don't know.

That was good.

Shh! He's goin' for the cherries!

You said mice like Gouda.

Not in the morning!

They need fruit for energy.

(Screaming)

(Whimpering)

- (Screaming)

- (Ernie) Oh, no!

Ow! Ow.

(Both grunting and groaning)

- Aah... Ow!

- D-D-D-D-D-D-D.

There he goes!

- Juice!

- Got it!

(Laughing maniacally)

This game is over!

(Cheering and yelling)

(Laughing)

- I think it's working!

- Yeah.

- (Thump)

- Whoa! Uh! I felt something.

(Lars) Ooh, ooh, ooh. Keep sucking!

(Slurping)

Goddamn, that mouse stinks! (Cackles)

Dead animals always do.

- Ohh!

- (Both laughing maniacally)

- (Lars) Keep sucking!

- (Rumbling)

(Lars) Oh, yeah, this'll get him!

(Liquid rumbling)

(Squelch)

- What's this?

- We're foreclosing on your house.

You quit paying your mortgage.

Oh, wait a minute, there's some

mistake, this house is paid for.

It was, but you borrowed against it.

If you don't pay the $1200,

we repossess it.

- $1200?

- Well, how long do we have?

One week from, uh...five days ago.

(Panting) But, uh, that's two days!

We don't have the time

or energy for this.

We're in the midst

of an extensive renovation.

Looks like you're off

to a great start.

(Lars) Ask your boss for an advance.

Pay him back later.

(Ernie) Couldn't your workers

forfeit their salaries?

If you hadn't spent all our money

on that tub, we might be able to pay.

- It doesn't help to start crying.

- (Shrieking)

No, Fluffy! No!

No! I want my kitty!

No, no, no!

(Rings bell)

- (Distant meowing)

- That one's cute.

- He doesn't have a killer instinct.

- (Purring)

(Meows)

(Bell ringing, buzzing, hissing)

(Ringing bell)

Morning, gentlemen. I'm Maury.

Can I help you?

Uh, hi, Maury. W-we need a cat.

(Maury) Find the one you want

and I'll spay or neuter it myself.

(Lars) Well, these are all kittens.

We were hoping for an older cat.

One with experience.

Most people like cute little ones.

Experience with what?

- Mouse hunting.

- All cats are good mousers.

But we have huge rats,

the size of sumo wrestlers.

So, we need a ferocious feline

with a history of mental illness.

I'm talkin'...one mean p*ssy.

Yeah! A vicious cat,

difficult to love.

Do you have any of those

knocking around?

Funny you should ask. I had all

but given up on anyone wanting him.

We were about to gas him again.

(Both) Again?

He's spent most of his whole life

in that box, I expect.

- (Growling)

- "Catzilla"?

The guys who clean up call him that.

But you can call him

anything you want.

I'd say he looks like a "Fluffy."

(Snarling)

Ah, poor little Catzilla.

You want a home, don't you?

You wanna get out of here.

Well, you're gonna have

to kill, kill, kill for it.

- (Yowling)

- You're a stupid cat, aren't you?

- (Growling)

- Yes, you are. And ugly. Extremely.

(Yowling)

(Electricity crackling)

- Oh! Oh, you little bastard.

- We'll take him.

- (Cat screeching)

- Here, boy.

(Growling)

(Squeaking)

(Yowling)

Ooh...He's got the scent now.

Yeah, uh, go get 'im, boy.

Oh, easy, easy, easy, easy!

Wow. I almost feel sorry

for the little fella.

(Together) Almost! (Laughs)

(Growling)

(Growling)

(Roaring)

(Meowing)

(Notes playing)

(Cat yowling)

(Ernie) Don't

worry about that mouse,

start thinking about

how to get $1200.

(Lars) Don't worry,

the workers will help us.

You see, the truth is...

- we don't actually have any money.

- (Muttering)

We may have to defer

your next paycheque or...or two.

- (Angry muttering)

- So we can pay the mortgage.

It's the missing LaRue!

(Lars) There's no need

for violence!

(Lars) Put that thing down. Whoa!

(Banging)

- Ernie!

- What's the matter?

Well, the, uh, workers...

didn't react very positively.

(Angry shouting)

No?

Uh, what are you doing?

- You could fit through here, right?

- What? I guess so.

Come on. (Screams)

(Yells)

But, Lars, that was our last resort!

We'll have to

find money someplace else.

Gosh, it's a shame nobody's

interested in buying the factory.

Yeah, yeah, it's a shame.

But who'd be stupid enough, right?

(Chuckling) Yeah.

(Growling)

- (Snap)

- (Yowling)

- (Snapping)

- (Yowling)

(Yowling)

(Growling)

(Surprised meow)

(Sad meow)

Ah, you must be...Caesar.

I'm glad you could get here

so quickly...

Shh!

(Tapping echoes)

(Sniffs)

You have mice.

He's good.

(Whispering) 5120 Nortondale.

January 4th, 0800 hours.

Don't forget to get

toothpaste and Saran Wrap.

We're in sort of a hurry. I wanted

to warn you about this mouse.

Yeah! You got asbestos, all right!

I'll bet it's up

in the ceiling, mostly!

Shouldn't take me more

than a day or two to remove it.

(Silence)

OK, then.

Um, uh, so, we're gonna go upstairs!

All right, well,

we'll all go upstairs!

Yeah.

OK, then. Yeah.

What are you doing?

- He's not listening any more.

- Oh.

Good. Well, you're the expert.

I hope you can take care

of this, whatever it takes.

We've been trying

to catch this menace all week.

Here's your problem.

Normal people are not...

psychologically equipped

to catch mice.

You have to get inside their mind.

You have to know what

they want...need.

You have to think like a mouse.

If you can do that...

if you can think like a mouse...

you can anticipate their moves.

Then, boom! Sayonara, mouse.

Well, you got some great stuff...

Whoa! Never touch that!

(Screaming)

- All right!

- What is it?

The big one.

It's a flea bomb!

Works on mice too.

It better. Because we

can't handle any more intrusions.

Sure. That's how you perceive it.

But to that mouse,

you are the intruder.

(Shouting)

We can make

enough string to meet our orders.

Just so we can keep the LaRue.

- Good luck.

- Wait! Where are you going?

I have to run a little errand.

All you have to do

is make $1200 worth.

Light a match,

they're frightened by fire!

(Shouting)

(Straining)

(Screams)

Unsanitary creature.

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