Mousehunt Page #4

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Defecating...in the dining room.

0915. Evidence found.

Mus communis. Ugh. Male.

Ten to, uh, twelve

centimetres long,

with a... hmm...

What's this?

A slight calcium deficiency.

That's interesting.

Hi. This is Ernest Smuntz

of Smuntz String.

Is this Zeppco lnternational?

Vinny? Hi, Vinny.

Oh, I'm glad I can call you Vinny.

My brother and I have decided

to reconsider your offer.

I'd love to discuss

selling our factory to you.

Oh, no, not at the office.

How about Ellman Square

under the big clock at noon?

(Horn honking)

(Brakes screeching)

(Chiming)

(Knocks)

Uh, you, you must be

Mrs Lars Smuntz?

I'm afraid that status

is in transition.

Oh, well, is Lars in? I'd like to

discuss preparations for the auction.

The auction?

(Panting)

Careful, Lars.

You might catch a cold.

April!

You look like you could use

some warming up.

(Caesar) 1300 hours. I've activated

the Squeak Seeker 2000.

I'm about to join with the prey.

I'm experiencing malfunction

with the screen. Stand by.

Junk.

Nothing works.

Ah, nuts!

(Yelling)

(Yelling)

EKG, a C-spine, a chest x-ray

and pelvis. Now move!

$1200...

Mr Smuntz, you've been hit by a bus.

I feel fine. What time is it?

You may have had a concussion.

Doc, I have to get out of here.

I still have a chance.

We saved your hat.

- I'm sorry. Are you family?

- Yes, we are sisters.

There's some paperwork

I need you to fill out.

I don't even know them!

Oh, I'm Hilde, and this is lngrid.

- We are hair models from Belgium.

- Belgium. How exotic.

Doc. I need to find a phone before

I miss out on the deal of my life.

- He's delirious.

- I am not their brother!

- I don't have any sisters!

- Are you OK? I came when I heard.

Why are you wearing a pink overcoat?

Because April gave us the $1200!

She gave you the money?

She didn't hear about the auction?

I didn't even tell her about the

auction until after she took me back.

She just showed up at the factory

and begged me to take her.

(Sighs) We made love in a way

I've only ever seen in nature films.

Wow. I almost can't believe it.

I can open up another restaurant,

you're back with April,

you can even keep

that worthless factory.

It's funny

you call the factory worthless,

because there's something I probably

should have mentioned...

Yeah? Well, I guess

I have something to confess too.

Hey, isn't that Caesar's truck?

- Oh, my God!

- Caesar! What happened?

- Please, he's not well.

- Did you kill the mouse?

What's that? Horse?

Fiendish! I won't eat it. (Yells)

(Clicking teeth and squeaking)

How'd you find him?

911 call. No voice, but we heard

screaming in the background.

He was locked in a trunk

in the attic.

We'll call you if we get any leads.

(Rewinding)

What's that?

(Footsteps, door creaking)

(Caesar) 'Put that down.

What is that?' (Yelling)

(Muffled groaning, crashing)

'That tickles!'

(Screaming, banging)

I don't think we're dealing

with an ordinary mouse.

(Crashing)

My kitchen!

Looks like Caesar decided

to make himself a sandwich.

(Ernie) Pickles, arugula and capers.

He toasted the side

with the cheese...

but not the other side,

so the arugula doesn't wilt.

How did he know that?

- Hello.

- Hello.

Ow!

Ow!

(Yells)

Aha!

- Do you see him?

- Yeah, I see him.

Lars, I'm stuck!

Get me out of here! I can't breathe!

- I-l'll get a flashlight.

- Hurry!

(Hissing)

- Here, Ernie, I got it.

- I can see that.

Wh... Oh!

Hang on, Ernie.

The flashlight's broken.

- OK, Ernie. I got a light.

- Great.

(Sniffing)

(Ernie) Lars,

do you smell something?

Smells like gas.

(Screaming)

(Lars groaning)

(Strangled groans)

(Whimpering)

(Both whimpering and muttering)

(Lars) What are you gonna do?

Kill that unspeakable thing.

- Come on, Ernie...

- Stand back!

I'm a man on a mission!

- This is how accidents happen!

- (Laughing)

- Come on, put the gun down.

- I'll blow his furry head off.

and splatter his devious mouse brain

from here to kingdom come!

No, no! You'll blow

a hole in the wall.

It'll be worth it!

Think of the auction! For God's sake!

Think of the money! They'll cut our

price if there's bullet holes.

- The money?

- Yeah, the money, the moola.

- (Ernie) There he goes.

- Shoot! Shoot!

Yes...You hit the piano!

You hit the piano...

- Look...

- Shh!

What are you, crazy? The only thing

you haven't hit so far is the mouse!

Give somebody else a chance

with that gun.

- You're doing a wonderful job.

- (Tin rolling)

Whoa! You got him!

(Laughing)

(Lars) G-g-get him!

- See you in hell, mouse!

- (Laughing)

Fire!

God, I hate that mouse!

(Phone ringing)

(Ernie) 'After the beep,

start talking.'

(Vinny) 'Mr Smuntz,

this is Vinny from Zeppco calling.

'We waited in the square for an hour,

but you never showed.

'We do not appreciate

being treated this way,

'especially after your brother

already turned down our offer.

'Consider our proposal withdrawn.'

(Dialling tone)

- Betrayed by my own brother!

- Betrayal?

Don't talk to me about betrayal. You

should have told me about that offer!

- Half that factory is mine.

- And half is mi...

And half is mine, including the half

that you tried to sell.

And would have,

if it hadn't been for that bus!

Bus? You can't leave well enough

alone, can you? You ruin everything!

Me? You...you blame me for this?

Look! You blew a hole in the floor!

I distinctly remember

somebody yelling, "Shoot!"

You've never listened to me before!

- And you know why?

- Why?

Because I have no respect for you!

Spending your whole life

in that stupid factory!

It's tragic.

You think I didn't have

ambitions of my own in my life?

- Come on. You loved string.

- I didn't love string!

You and Pop were always running

something through your fingers.

It didn't matter what I did!

I made a special rack

of lamb for his 70th birthday...

- Oh, no!

- Yes! You remember.

I slaved over that meal,

making sure everything was perfect.

Did he say, "Thanks, Ernie,

it was delicious"? No.

He only noticed the string

I had tied it with.

He was crazy!

But I still wanted his approval.

I didn't leave, Lars. I was cast out.

There you go again!

Blaming everything else but yourself.

You think you're a success! Huh?

Well, you...can't...cook!

- I hate you!

- And I hate you!

- Not as much as I hate you!

- Yeah?

Yeah. Double. Double!

Oh, give me something!

I'm gonna brain you!

Here it is!

Oh, yeah, give it to me! Go ahead!

(Ernie, laughing) You killed him!

I-l didn't even know he was there!

All the trouble we'd have saved

if we'd just thrown fruit at him!

(Lars) Look! H-He's still breathing!

Kill him! Kill him!

Find a blunt object!

There. Let him have it.

- I-l...

- What are you waiting for?

- I can't just hit him.

- Why not?

Well, look at him. He's pathetic.

Pathetic? He's Hitler with a tail.

This is The Omen with whiskers.

Nostradamus didn't see this.

- W-well, he's a living thing.

- Not for long. Gimme that!

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