Moving McAllister Page #3

I want to start you off

with a little more

responsibility than most.

How's partner sound?

Sounds great, sir.

I'm gonna write

down a number,

you tell me if you

like what you see

and then I'll tell you

if you like what I see.

Now clench those cheeks.

Come on!

Clench them tight.

Sir?

Squeeze them. Hard.

One two, one two.

[Man on TV]

One two, one two.

That's it.

Feel it in the butt.

Right in the glutes.

Take the glutes

to the next level.

You need to feel it there.

When it's burning

in the glutes, you're alive.

If you're not burning,

you're not doing it right.

One two, one two.

Good. Excellent.

Excellent. Okay.

We're gonna move on

to the calves after this.

[toilet flushing]

[pig grunting]

[farts]

Oh, it's cold.

Whoa! Wait! Wait!

Calm down!

Calm down!

Everything's

under control.

Why am I naked

with another man?

Because he saved

your life.

Yeah, that's right.

I saved your life, man.

Here,

see for yourself.

You got knocked unconscious

by the side of the road.

See, Orlie

was hitchhiking

and he heard me

screaming for help.

Who?

Orlie.

Short for Orlick.

Orlick Prescott Hope.

Pleased to meet you.

Anyways, we had

to transport your body

to the nearest motel we

could find to recuperate.

If you two will excuse me,

I gotta go return a favor

to Mother Nature, again.

Okay, we gotta go now.

See, I kinda told him

he could come with us.

We don't have time.

But he's on the way.

Look, I appreciate

what he did.

We can give him

a couple of bucks,

but he can't come with us.

Please?

No.

Please?

No, that's--

No, I don't.

Will you please--

How about now?

Okay! Okay!

Yeah?

Okay.

Promise.

Yeah.

Ah!

I know.

Going on a road trip.

Say hi

to your new friend.

I have a deep spiritual

connection to pigs.

You'll love Rick.

Come on, little one.

Shotgun!

[Michelle]

Rick, we are we?

[Orlie]

In ancient times,

the gods looked

down on humans,

jealous of their mortality.

Humankind strove to evoke

pity through animal sacrifices.

The smoke of the flaming

carcasses rose towards

the heavens,

as a billowing

plea for mercy.

[chanting]

Orlie. Orlie!

Get off!

Jeez.

As a token of goodwill,

I ask the gods to bless

our journey this day,

and my two new friends,

that they may find

whatever it is that

they are looking for.

Amen.

So what, did you join

a cult or invent your own.

I'm a shaman of the

Native American church.

[laughing]

I'm sorry--

You don't look like any

Indian I've ever seen.

Don't mind him.

Your spirituality

is beautiful.

Rick just has this

charming little way

of tearing down

everything you hold dear.

He's just upset

because he's chosen

a life of moral bankruptcy

and a succession

of loveless marriages.

Really?

Yeah.

That's terrible.

You know what?

The fact is, that

I've achieved everything

I've set out

to do in my life.

That bothers people.

Who wants to play

the alphabet game?

[gasps]

I do.

You guys go ahead.

Okay...A.

Ah, a tree.

Good one.

Thank you.

Okay...B.

B.

Big sign.

Double high five.

Okay.

Okay...C.

C, c--

[gasps]

Oh, I know.

Can we get

some food?

[Orlie]

Yeah, that

was a good one.

Can you get me a veggie

burger and some fries.

[gasps]

Ooh, and a cherry

caramel milkshake.

Thank you.

Wow, that sounds

really delicious.

This is embarrassing,

but I'm a little

short on cash.

I did save your life, man.

Fine.

Hundredfold, brother.

Hundredfold.

Will you stop hitting me,

please?

You know, you and Michelle

make a great couple.

We're not dating.

Good, 'cause I think

she's digging me.

Hey, let's see what

kind of loot she's got.

No.

Don't hit people

in restaurants!

Especially--

It's a toy, man!

What's your problem?

Yeah, it's a toy.

Get over it.

You have exactly

five seconds to apol--

Why would you even do that

to a cute, little Mexican kid.

He's Japanese.

You can't just pick

where you're from.

Okay, stop talking.

[Kid]

My dad's gonna

kick your ass!

Dream on, kid.

Okay? He took you and

he can take your padr.

Is that so?

No, it's--

Let's go then.

Scram, it's not

your business.

[Orlie]

He was pretty tough

for a little guy, huh?

[Michelle]

So, Orlie,

where are you from?

My physical being

hails from Boston.

[Michelle]

And your spiritual?

I'm what they classify

as a schismatic psyche.

In lay terms

that's renegade soul.

No way.

Yeah.

See, what happened is,

when my original body died,

the spirit got all freaky

and crossed paths

with someone else's.

Now they have my body

and I have theirs.

Happens quite

often actually.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Spent the last four years

of my life looking for

a 25-year-old Walapai

who doesn't really fit

in with the native culture.

You're Indian.

That totally makes sense.

Native American.

I'm sorry.

Isn't that amazing?

Unbelievable.

[Orlie]

What's your story?

You don't seem

much of a lawyer.

That's what

I've been saying.

You should take

a personality test.

I'll bet you're yellow.

No, no, he's blue.

Give me your palm.

Wow, check out

his lifeline.

What?

What's the point?

Well, it shows you where you've

been and where you're going

and without that,

you're nothing.

Like navel lint.

Nobody knows where

that comes from.

It comes from clothes.

That's not the point.

It might.

[Rick]

It does.

You know that

for a fact?

Yeah.

A hundred percent?

I'm pretty sure.

A hundred percent?

Okay, not

a hundred percent,

but 99.9--

See?

[Rick]

See what?

You're not always right!

Here.

Make a wish.

Okay, I hate to beat

this to death

because I hate complainers

and I understand that

if we stop again,

the meal might once again

be interrupted by strange

circumstances,

but I for one am willing

to take that chance.

Oh, please, Rick?

Please?

But we're--

we can't stop!

You owe me a Reuben!

Please, please.

I feel bad,

I do,

but we're--

What's he doing?

Orlie!

You're killing him!

Orlie!

He's gonna die!

[Rick]

We're not stopping!

Every minute we spend here

is a minute not spent

on the road.

Rick, that is a spiffy

watch you got there.

Can I see

it for a minute?

I'll get a better one when

your uncle gives me a job.

Oops.

She put it in her b*obs.

Shelly says you live

on the way.

Are we stopping?

No.

Can you please wipe

that off and give it back?

I'll give it back to you when

you don't need it anymore.

You visit often?

Not lately.

Do you have

a girlfriend?

Huh! No.

He's keeping himself

available

for McAllister, Morganstern

and Raphael.

What about her?

She's working.

You could totally

date her.

She probably thinks

I'm with Michelle.

[Orlie]

Taken care of.

I dare you.

I double dog dare

you to go talk to her.

Fine.

Watch this.

Hello-- Ahem.

Hello.

I'm not with her,

I'm single, alone.

I just wanted to say hi,

that's all.

Oh...well, hi.

[Rick]

Hello.

You know,

I have to go tinkle.

Yeah, I think

I'm just gonna go

look for some stuff.

# I called out your name #

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