Moving Violations

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1

- Good morning, Chief Fromm.

- Good morning.

- Halik.

- Yes, sir?

I thought it over.

I'm gonna recommend you

for that promotion.

Yes, sir.

That's very good news, sir.

Your record's unblemished.

You deserve it, Halik.

Yes, sir.

Now if you excuse me, sir,

I have to make my daily

quota of citations, sir.

Of course.

- See you around, Halik.

- Have a good day, sir.

What a tight ass.

- What did the Chief say?

- Hmm.

- I got my promotion.

- Good.

By the way,

I got my period.

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

- I feel good

- Whoa-oa-oa

I feel good...

- Ah-hoo!

- I feel good

I feel, I feel

- I feel good

- Whoa-oa-oa

I feel, I feel good

- I feel good

- I feel good

- Knew that I would

- I knew that I would, now

I feel good!

- Like sugar and spice

- I knew that I would

- So good, so good

- So good, so good

- I have you

- I have you

I feel good

I feel, I feel

I feel good,

ha-ha

I feel nice

- Sugar and spice

- Like sugar and spice

I feel nice...

sugar and spice

So good, so good, I got you

I feel good

I feel good, good

When I hold you in my arms

You know you can't

do me no wrong

When I hold you in my arms

- Your love can't

do me no harm

So nice, sugar and spice

I feel nice

Like sugar and spice

Feel good

I feel good, good

I feel so good,

I feel, I feel

I feel good

Whoo!

I feel so good.

Oh, great.

- Problem, officer?

- You littered back there.

- I did?

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, you mean that apple?

I can explain that.

I was driving along

and hit this bump

in the road.

- The apple

bounced out of my hand.

- Never mind the song and dance.

Your driver's license

and registration, please.

Now wait a minute,

I hit this bump on the road,

the apple bounced.

It was right in my hand.

It bounced right out

the door.

Your driver's license

and registration, please.

You got it.

Let's see...

here we go.

- What is this?

- Oh,

that's my communist party

membership card.

I just joined

for the softball league.

Only team in the league

with cheerleaders.

Big fun.

Here we go.

- Is this you?

- Oh, yeah.

I photograph

a whole lot better

than I look.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Wait a minute,

you're really serious?

- You're really gonna

give me a ticket?

- I certainly am.

- For an apple.

- From the looks

of this vehicle,

I'm gonna write you

several tickets.

Several tickets?

Look, why don't we

just make this easy?

Why don't you just

pistol-whip me, okay?

If you don't

keep your mouth shut,

we're gonna deliver you

- right down

to the station-house.

- Fine.

Anything you say, sir.

I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am.

Really?

Well, one of you should

wear a ponytail 'cause this

could get really confusing.

Come on, I don't go sniffing

around your things, do I?

- What is this powder?

- Fertilizer.

- Sh*t!

- Exactly.

You're in big trouble

now, mister.

Big trouble.

Oh, I can't believe

I'm taking up bowling.

I've never done

any kind of sport

in my life.

I'm sure you'll

enjoy it, ma'am.

Here's my car.

My doctor says I need exercise,

but I'm sick.

"I got a bad heart,"

I says to him.

Let me get this trunk for you.

Oh, I don't know

how I'm gonna

get these balls

out of here.

So anyways, he thinks

I'm a hypochondriac.

Yeah, how can I be

a hypochondriac when

I'm sick all the time?

If I die while bowling,

it's his fault.

Oh my god,

I'm three minutes late

for my pills!

Oh god! Am I dead?

I'm dead!

One cantaloupe...

$97.00

Jamie, come sit

on grandpa's lap.

I think I broke it.

- This is all I need.

- Yes, ma'am.

My fine friend, it certainly

is a fine day, is it not?

A fine day

in our fine kingdom.

Now it is finally time

for you to die!

- Aha-ha-ha!

- Oh, no.

Well, try this on

for size, Duke.

En garde!

- You are evil.

- You must be smitten.

Die, you Norman Pig!

You Saxon Dog!

- Help!

- Oh, no!

Hey, hey.

Hey, what the hell

are you kids doing?

Stop shaking

this thing.

What are you doing?

Hey, stop that!

Help, somebody stop this thing!

I can't stop this thing!

Oh my god, oh my god!

Help!

Oh my... help!

Help!

- Was that the number 12?

- Naw, just a puppet stage.

And Joey never hurt nobody.

Help! Somebody stop

this thing!

He was respected

by his fellow man.

Help!

- Take it.

- Here we go.

Let's get outta here.

The white zone

is for loading and unloading

of passengers only.

- No parking.

- Where's the bag?!

- Right here, ma'am.

- That's good.

Flight 502 now loading

at gate five.

Oh, over there.

Loretta.

Yoo-hoo, Loretta!

Yoo-hoo, Loretta.

- Over here, dear.

- Emma Jean, welcome home.

Oh, you look wonderful.

Love your tan! Yes!

Over here.

He's a black guy.

Oh! Why, of course.

Of course.

Well, just put the bags

in the back seat,

please.

Oh, I'm so glad

you're home, Emma.

- He's a black guy, you know?

- I know, but I came

to take you home.

- Let me drive.

- You're as blind as a bat.

Just don't

worry about it, okay?

Just get in the car, honey.

The white zone is for loading

and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

Flight 106 now departing

at gate seven,

immediate departure.

Last call for flight 106,

now leaving at gate seven.

Oh, well, dear,

I'm glad to see you too.

Yes, thank you, dear.

Oh, well, you've had

your hair done.

- You look lovely.

- Loretta!

Loretta!

The white zone is for loading

and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

My dear, are you ready?

- Yeah.

- We'll get you home

in no time.

Oh, I bet you will.

And remember

Mr. Parkins?

The man at the butcher's shop?

He was cutting a slice

of chuck steak or something,

- and he cut part

of his finger off.

- Oh, that's awful.

Oh, and the girls came

over last Tuesday for bridge.

- I won 15 bucks!

- Wow.

- Damn buses,

always in the way!

I hate driving

in this airport...

too much traffic.

Here we go. Come on, buddy,

Let's move it.

So that bingo game,

I'm telling you!

It was a wonder...

Oh, sh*t!

- Hey, Ernie, how is it going?

- Pretty good.

Hank?

Well, look who's here.

Mr. Cannon.

Wow, isn't this incredible?

Some higher power must really

want the three of us

to be together.

You got a car too.

Why is that?

You don't park any better

than you drive, do you?

- What are you talking about?

- This car is parked in front

of a hydrant.

Well, I can see that.

- Now I want you

to move this car.

- Why?

Because you're

breaking the law.

No, I'm not.

Deputy Morris,

I think this car is loaded

with violations, don't you?

Yeah.

Like this...

broken taillight.

Deputy Morris,

what about that

malfunctioning headlight?

How do you like that?

You guys are nutty.

I've had it with you, punk.

Gee, I just don't

understand it.

I always loved

you guys on "Chips."

What do you think

you're doing, Halik?

On their behalf, sir,

may I say that this car

was evil?

- Possessed of Satan,

it had to be dest...

- Shut up!

Well, sir, you see,

I asked him to move his car...

It's not his car, Halik.

It's not?

It's mine!

Yours?!

I'll see the both of you

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