Moving Violations Page #2

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first thing in the morning

in my office.

Uh-oh.

Sounds like trouble, kids.

Don't worry.

Don't let it get you down.

Life goes on.

You guys will bounce back,

I can feel it.

You're that kind of people.

Listen, I'll be seeing

you kids around.

Because you are all

repeat offenders,

having received many,

many violations before,

your licenses will be

held here by the clerk

in suspension,

and your cars are to be kept

in the county impound facility.

Your honor, are you saying

you're taking away

our licenses and

keeping our cars?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

- Whoa!

- Jesus.

- Question,

your viciousness.

- Excuse me?

You're excused.

Um, how do we get

our cars back?

That's very simple.

You are all sentenced

to traffic school.

After completing

the course,

which will meet five nights

over a one-week period,

you will receive

a certificate of competency

and your vehicles and licenses

will be returned.

I hit a casket

with a puppet stage.

What am I doing here?

That I would like you

to explain, your holiness.

Quiet!

If I may, I'd like

to approach the bench?

- Oh, you would,

would you, mister...?

- Cannon.

But you can call me Butch.

First, may I say that

black is a terrific color

for you, really?

Also, may I cite the case

of Abbot versus Costello?

- The United States versus...

- Shut up, Mr. Cannon.

Now, for all of you,

this traffic school is

your last chance

to retain

your driving privileges.

Your license will be revoked.

If you cannot drive

after 30 days,

all vehicles held

in the county impound yard

will be subject

to sale at auction

with all proceeds

from said sale

going to the county.

Court dismissed.

- I couldn't hear a thing.

- What happened?

I can't believe they're

gonna sell our cars.

- How can they do this?

- When you've got balls,

anything is possible.

You were very good in there...

"Abbot versus

Costello."

You obviously

have some formal

legal training.

Yeah, well,

I've been arrested

in several states,

so I guess

I know what I'm

talking about.

- I'm Dana Cannon.

- Amy Hopkins.

Well, I'll see you in class.

Whoa, is she sexy!

Yeah, but what are looks?

- I mean, she's no

rocket scientist.

- I forgot my glasses.

No, no, you got 'em on.

Oh.

Oh my god.

Thanks.

- Well, bye again.

- Um, listen,

I'm gonna be

taking a cab to the class,

so maybe I could

pick you up or something?

Oh no, that's all right.

I'll get somebody from work

to drop me off.

- Oh, where do you work?

- NASA.

I'm a rocket scientist.

Bye.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you see "Friday the 13th"?

No. No, I didn't.

What about the 13th 2, 3 or 4?

- What about 5?

- Missed them all.

It's too bad.

They were great.

A lot of bloody gory stuff.

Hey, uh, did you

like it more when...

when Clint Eastwood got stuck

holding the severed arm

in "Tightrope"

or when they cut

those guys' arms off

in "Scarf ace"?

Hmm, well, let's see...

Oh, there's my bus, gotta go.

Nice talking to you.

All right, people,

settle down. Quiet.

Find your seats, please.

Thank you.

Cut the chatter.

You too, Red.

Sit down.

I've got all your albums, man.

You're the greatest.

Good to have you on board.

Hi, how are you? Good.

Find your seats, please.

Come on.

Okay.

I'll be your instructor

for this evening.

Please rise.

Come on... up, up,

up, up, everybody.

Come on, come on,

don't be afraid.

This is gonna be fun.

You in the back,

what, do you want

a special invitation?

- You talking to me?

- Yes, you too. Uppity-up-up-up.

Relax. Enjoy.

Thank you.

This is gonna be fun.

You're gonna like this!

Come on!

All right,

everybody ready?

And...

breathe in.

- Blow out.

- Breathe in.

Blow out.

Very good. Shake it out.

Settle down, shake it out,

sit down.

Thank you, thank you.

Now if all the ladies would

be so kind as to take off

all their clothes,

- we could get

this class underway.

- Sit down, Mr. Cannon.

Could it be?

Oh, no.

It is!

Reunited at last!

'Cause it feels so good.

- Sit down.

- Aren't you guys like,

in the wrong room?

Shouldn't you be next door

at the pro acid rain rally?

Mr. Cannon, we're your

traffic school instructors.

- Is this an interesting

surprise or what?

- Sit down,

before I mold your face

into an ashtray.

See? All you had to do

was ask nicely.

This will not be tolerated

in this classroom.

I demand strict discipline.

I just love it

when he gets angry

like this,

don't you?

I thought so.

What are these?

I'm a single parent.

By day, they're in school;

At night,

there's no one

to take care of them.

All right,

just keep them quiet.

Now then, we will study

the following in here...

Traffic...

Laws.

You will know them

letter perfect.

You will be tested

daily on them.

You will know everything

there is to know about a car...

inside and out.

You will know

the rules of the road...

Driver courtesy...

Will there be any like,

handy cooking tips,

like, what

to do with those darn

holiday leftovers?

Hank, Hank.

No.

Open your driving manuals

to page one.

What is the maximum legal

speed limit in this state?

This is

a 15-minute break.

Hey, man,

I thought this class

was supposed to be easy.

Well, it was,

before Adolph

and Eva took over.

This is

a 15-minute break,

- not one second more.

- Yes, sir.

I'll tell ya, that sounds like

it could be your transmission

or your fuel pump,

but we do

a complete diagnostic

checkup of your car.

- "The Clinic."

- Yes.

- I'll bring my Limo over.

- Ask for me.

Everyone calls me Doc.

Stop by The Clinic

anytime.

Excuse me, you have a clinic?

Not just a clinic, The Clinic.

We do the finest diagnostic

checkups in town.

- Doc Williams

at your service.

- I would love

- to talk to you about

this problem I'm having.

- Hmm.

That's what I'm here for.

What seems to be

the problem?

No matter what I do,

I just can't get going

in the morning.

- That could be

your valves.

- Really?

- Have you had your pump

checked lately?

- By a specialist.

I should probably take

another look at it

because when that goes,

you die right on the spot.

- Oh god, I know.

- Hmm.

Do you ever overheat

and stall going up

steep hills?

I don't believe so.

You should probably

have a major overhaul,

check everything

inside and out.

- Do you leak much?

- Several times a day.

Hmm, that's no good, is it?

Every place you go, you leave

those unsightly puddles.

Gets so your neighbors cringe

when they see you pulling

up their driveway.

- What about your rear end?

- What about it?

- Does your rear end

make noise?

That's a bit personal,

isn't it?

I'll tell you what,

I am up to here in my work

but what I will do...

I'll lube it up.

I'll get inside there

and root around

and find out what

the problem is.

I have the best tool in town.

Trust me, I'll do

a thorough job.

- Mm-hmm.

- Meanwhile, here's what

I'd like you to do...

about an hour before you

get going in the morning,

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