Mr. Deeds Page #8

...tearing apart your uncle's company

and firing all those nice people.

Where'd you hear that?

I watch the stock market channel

all the time.

I watch because I suspect that anchorman

of being an evil leprechaun.

He can bullshit everybody else,

but he ain't fooling me.

He can bullshit everybody else,

but he ain't fooling me.

There it is.

Someone!

Help!

Deeds! Help!

Deeds! Help!

Oh, God! Deeds!

Oh, my God!

Where do you got the camera hidden,

in the woods?

No camera.

I'm so cold. Please!

You gonna get mugged in there, too?

I'm so...

...sorry.

I really love you.

Bullshit!

I'm coming!

Go down! Go down!

Here comes the black foot.

No!

I know it's gross, but grab it.

I got you. I got you.

- Oh, God, your foot is disgusting!

- I know, I know. Come here.

Come on, you okay? You okay?

I think so.

You didn't really fall out of an apple tree,

did you?

No.

But I really love you.

I don't even know who you are.

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

A company in tatters. Preston Blake's

great legacy gone to the highest bidder.

The shocking announcement from Chuck

Cedar today confirmed that Blake Media...

... will be stripped down

and sold off piece by piece.

The only man who could stand up

to Mr. Cedar and save the company...

... Longfellow Deeds, has apparently

given up his voting rights and left the city.

The sale's expected to pass

with unanimous consent...

... at the annual stockholders' meeting

here in New York tomorrow afternoon.

Sources indicate that virtually

all of Blake's 50,000 employees...

... are likely to lose their jobs.

Wait a minute. I'm a Blake employee.

Holy sh*t! This sucks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the bottom line is that this divestiture...

... will result in every shareholder,

all of you and myself included...

... getting a substantial premium

for our shares.

But before we vote, the company bylaws

require me to open the floor...

... to shareholders for statements

either for or against this buyout plan.

Does anyone wish to make a statement?

Dismantling this company

would be an insult to a great man.

You scared me.

It is an unspeakable outrage

and it cannot be allowed to happen.

Excuse me. I got a statement.

Longfellow Deeds.

Unfortunately, since you sold me

your 300 million shares...

...you've no right to speak at this meeting.

- Unfortunately for you...

...I bought one share of Blake Media

this morning.

You told me every stockholder

has a say in this company.

Even the little guy.

You have two minutes, but remember,

I control 49 percent of this company.

You're gonna have to persuade

just about everyone else...

... to start hating money.

Hello, everybody. I'm Deeds.

For a little while,

I was a big part of this company.

I was wicked rich and powerful.

Now being rich and powerful

isn't a bad thing.

It looks like the Monopoly guy over there

is pretty darned psyched about it.

But the problem is

what can happen when you decide...

... that you would do absolutely anything

to become rich and powerful.

I don't know who licked the red off

your lollipop today...

...but you are preaching to the wrong choir.

All I'm saying is, when you were kids...

... did you dream

about becoming a savvy investor one day...

... who would think with his wallet

instead of his heart?

Come on, I know I didn't.

I wanted to be a fireman.

I wanted to be the guy everybody called on

if they were in trouble.

I wanted to help people...

... and yeah, I wanted to slide down

those wicked awesome poles.

But money,

that was the last thing I thought about.

What about you, sir?

Did you want to be a fireman?

No, I did not.

Truth be told, I wanted to be a veterinarian.

Cool. Why would you want to do that?

- I wanted to help sick animals.

- And what do you do now?

I own a chain of slaughterhouses.

You kind of went the other way

on that one, didn't you?

Okay.

In the back. Come on.

Tell me what you wanted to be.

I wanted to be a magician.

- And what do you do now?

- I operate a pornographic website.

That makes people happy also, I guess.

But kind of in a grosser way.

- Who else?

- I wanted to be a senator.

- I wanted to be a florist.

- International House Pancake.

I wanted to be a man.

That explains a lot.

I wanted to be a Ping-Pong champion.

But you're not those things

you wanted to be, are you?

Everybody made a compromise,

then another compromise, and now...

... you're about to put 50,000 people out

of work to make a quick buck? Come on.

I bet if we ran into the 6th-grade versions

of ourselves right now...

... they would kick our asses

and put Bubble Yum in our hair...

... for even thinking about doing this.

He's right.

I would've beat my greedy ass red.

I would've thrown myself

off the merry-go-round.

I would've tied myself naked to a chair

and burned myself with lit cigarettes.

Did anyone here dream

of becoming a psychiatrist?

Just kidding, pal.

There's still hope

for the kids inside of all of us.

Please don't break up my uncle's company.

I always wanted to do that.

Well...

... that was very touching, Deeds.

... that was very touching, Deeds.

It appears this divestiture

has been defeated.

Unless I'm forgetting something.

My 300 million votes...

... plus the 5 million votes I control

as proxy for the foreign investors.

So which way should I vote my 51 percent?

I vote aye.

305 million times.

The ayes have it.

And Blake Media is no more.

Not so fast, Chuck.

Too bad for you, when I was a kid,

I wanted to be a good reporter.

Miss Bennett,

I wasn't aware you were a stockholder.

There's a couple things you're not aware of.

How to tweeze your eyebrows, for instance.

Also, when Deeds gave away his fortune,

he gave away something that wasn't his.

- What are you talking about?

- I have here the diary of Preston Blake.

I stole it and read it.

Please don't be mad at me.

I did it for good reasons, I promise.

I would like to read a passage

from Mr. Blake's diary...

... dated April 12, 1957.

"I am a volcano of lust.

"I've gotten this far in business

by following my heart.

"And I must follow it now...

"...in love.

"If she just gives me a sign, an opening."

Want me to wipe the leaves

on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?

You can call me Preston.

Want me to wipe the leaves

on your ficus tree, Preston?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes!

Who was this mystery woman?

I have here the Blake Media ledger

sign-in book from April, 1957.

On the night of the 12th, there was

only one woman working on Blake's floor.

Sadly, nine months later, she died,

giving birth to a son.

A son born...

... January 23, 1958.

That is my birthday.

To Miss Consuela Lopez.

That is my mother.

And the rightful heir to $40 billion!

That is my money?

A simple DNA test will show...

... that Emilio Lopez is

the majority stockholder to Blake Media.

- It is my money!

- That's your money!

That is my money!

Way to go, Emilio!

I will do good things for everyone.

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