Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation Page #11

I'll throw it backwards to you.

- If you'll promise not to peek, I'll come get it. | - Hey, Turner!

Yeah, I guess he'd be pretty surprised | if I took a poke at him.

Do you know what I wish we had | if we're gonna be in here all night like this?

I doubt very much | whether we'll be here that long.

Another little toddy.

You mean a drink?

Oh, yes, Marty and I always take | a little something to relax us...

before go- go- going to bed.

- And then you know what he likes sometimes? | - Now, wait a minute. Peggy!

Oh, did you ever see the way | Brigitte Bardot wears a towel?

Like this?

And it's really the cutest thing, | the way she flips it around.

Like this.!

- Hey, Peggy! | - Wow!

- Hey, Peggy? | - Oh, you're boiling me! Stop! Marty?

- Marty.! | - Rog? Rog, I can't find that main valve.

- Where did you say it was in the kitchen? | - Never mind about that.!

Look around on the floor and get | the spindle so we can get out ofhere.!

Hi, Peggy.!

- Holy Moses! | - Don't worry.

- I've got on my towel. | - Where's the knob?

Turner has it.

Mrs. Hobbs, I am going to | punch your husband in the nose.

- Thank you. | - I'll teach him to watch my wife take a bath.

Oh, thanks.

Excuse me.

Why, you meathead!

Oh! Rog, stop it! Now, stop it! Rog!

Oh, dear. Can I help you?

Oh, dear. Rog! Rog, where are you?

What is it? What's wrong?

Darling-

Oh. Oh.

What happened, Mother?

I'm terribly sorry, but your father | just flattened Mr. Turner.

- Oh, no. | - Oh, Susan.

About last night, Mr. Turner.

Uh, now, about last night, Marty.

L- I-

If I might have a word with you, | Mrs. Turner.

L- I-

Listen, honey, I- Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

- Who was that? | - They've gone.

No.

Mr. Hobbs spent the remainder of the day...

putting his affairs in order.

I thought that creep of yours | was coming to say good-bye.

- Oh, turn blue! | - And look like you?

I would appreciate it...

if you never mentioned | Joe Carmody's name again.

You should have let me carry that.

No, thanks.

Hello there. Can I help?

Oh, hello. No, thank you.

How did the book come out, | that War and Peace thing?

Well, as a matter of fact, I, uh-

I didn't also.

This time I got two men | mixed up with each other.

- Oh, you did? | - Well, look who's here.

- I brought your book back. | - Oh, did you like it?

Excuse me.

Didn't you like it?

Well, it's all right, I guess, | but who wants to read a book about a fish?

About a fish.

Why didn't you call me?

If you'll just take these down, | that looks like about all.

- All right. | - Oh.

It's all right, darling.

We're going home now.

- Be careful, Peewee. | - What's the matter with him?

He doesn't want to leave Boompa.

But you're not going to, darling. | You're going to live with Boompa.

We're all going to live together.

See, I told you we were going home.

It's all right, sweetheart.

Aren't you liable to get a hernia | carrying a load like that?

- I am. | - Oh, Rog.

Thank you, dear.

- Oh, that poor girl Marika's downstairs. | - What's poor about her?

Your husband told me the terrible truth. | Didn't he tell you?

- Tell me what? | - Paranoid schiz.

Split personality.

Liable to go after you with a butcher knife | or maybe a paperweight.

- Dr. Denmark told him. Your husband knows him very well. | - Dr. Who?

- Her psychiatrist, Dr. Denmark. | - Oh.

- It's a pitiful case. | - Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

- Let me take him. | - All right.

Well, you seem to have | quite a load there, old boy.

I have.

Oh, I cannot tell you how sorry we all are | to see you go, Mrs. Hobbs.

- Oh, thank you, Reggie. You've been so sweet. | - I'm, uh- I'm, uh-

I'm sorry about, uh- about uh-

But your husband. | I thought it'd be wiser not to call you.

Oh, I- I see.

L- I understand.

- We hope to see both of you here again next summer. | - Oh, thank you.

- Good-bye. | - Bye.

- Thank you, Daddy. | - For what?

He's an awful schmo sometimes, | but I love him.

- Well, we all do, darling. | - You don't have to.

Nobody has to but me.

But as long as I do, | that's all that matters, isn't it?

I guess so.

- So long, sir. | - So long, Byron.

Katey. Katey, darling.

- We've got to get started. | - Coming.

Well, this is the really wonderful part | of a vacation, isn't it?

Heading home.

- Who's Dr. Denmark? | - Who? Oh.

What did you tell Reggie I had? | Dementia praecox?

I didn't tell him you had anything.

- What did you tell him? | - Oh, Peg.

- What was it? | - Shh.

Well, we did have a little chat | about you one day-

nothing serious-

and I told him that, like many couples | who'd been married for a long time...

you and I had come | to a certain understanding-

the understanding being that if | I ever caught you with another man...

I'd break his neck.

You really are a lovable character, | aren't you?

Look, honey, there's only one rule...

for a husband married | to a good-lookin' wife:

Will it work?

What do you want to see | that weirdy for?

Stop! Dad, stop! Here comes Joe!

- Hi. | - Hi.

- Gee, I'm sorry I'm late, but the crock wouldn't start. | - That's all right.

Here's that Bobby Darin album.

- But that's yours. | - Well, don't you want it?

Well, it's fabulous, but-

Well, then what's the argument?

- Good-bye, Mr. Hobbs. | - Aren't you wonderful to catch us like this?

Uh, just a gag, sir.

It's a whole lot better than my first one. | I'll tell you that.

If you cut off those long ones, | they'll grow faster.

- Really? | - That's what I did with mine.

Well, thank you.

Looks like it's gonna shape up okay.

- See ya, Joe. | - Good-bye.

I'll write to you, Katey!

- It wasn't too terrible, now, was it? | - No.

So Katey doesn't need you. | Susan and Janie don't need you.

And Danny only needs you to pick up | a copy of Playboy every month.

You know, | I'm awfully proud of you, darling.

- Who's my sweetheart? | - Who's mine?

Katey, please move.

- That's an extra thank you from me. | - What for?

For being jealous.

- Are we home? | - Yes, darling, we're home.

Come on.

- Brenda, when did you get back? | - It's nice to see you again!

- Brenda! | - Well, we've been forgiven again.

Here the water pipes work.

- Hello, Brenda. | - Brenda.

Hello.

- Stan got it, Dad. | - He what?

- Stupid, let Stan tell him. | - It's all set.

- No kidding. | - No, sir.

And not one word about anything wrong | in any way at any time.

On the contrary, the Turners said they | couldn't have had a more wonderful time...

and want us to all get together again | just as soon as possible.

- Well, how do you like that? | - You know what I think?

- What? | - I think he was stoned.

Yeah, people keep telling you | there's no good in booze.

All right. It's getting late. | Everybody grab a piece of luggage, huh?

- What are you gonna get paid, Stan? | - Tell me all about it.

Okay. I'll tell you what happened.

- Hey! | - Oh, yes, sir.

I almost forgot, Rog. | Mrs. Turner asked me to give you this.

Feel better now?

Well, you've just got to get | some things off your chest.

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