Mr. Woodcock
Ha!
What is this?
Uh!
Good hands, Nedderman.
Take a lap.
By itself, a basketball
is just a round sack of air.
Like many of you.
But in the hands of
someone properly trained...
in its use and skilled in its art...
this ball can do great things.
Oates, I can hear you
wheezing from here.
Take a lap. Lose the asthma.
To survive
outside these walls...
you need more than
just math and science.
The world does not stop...
for people who can spell
fancy words...
or tell you
the capital of Montana.
The capital of Montana, Watson?
- Helena?
- Who cares? Take a lap.
The only thing that matters
in this world, ladies, is strength.
Strength of body
and strength of mind.
Now if you're not
strong enough...
by the time you leave
these doors...
you may as well give up
and go home to your mommas.
Or grandma.
Put your hand down, Lewis.
We all know your parents died.
Give it a rest.
- Oh!
- Pick up the pace, Nedderman.
Well, Farley, it looks like you
forgot your gym clothes again.
No, sir, somebody--
It's a rhetorical question,
Farley.
- What?
- It's a rhetorical question.
That means you don't have
to answer it.
Because either
I already know the answer...
or I don't care
what your answer is.
You see, in my class, Farley...
everyone is required to wear
regulation gym shorts and shirt.
Gutierrez, go get the rentals.
Start changing.
- No, in line.
- What?
See, the locker room
is reserved...
for people who brought
the appropriate attire.
- You change here.
- It's OK, John. Be strong.
No talking, Nedderman. 10 laps.
Take Wheezy with you.
Come on, let's go.
The rentals, Farley,
that's 25 cents.
- l--I didn't ask you a question, Farley.
- Not even a rhetorical one.
- Uh...
It seems to me
that someone needs a lesson...
in personal responsibility.
Not even one chin-up,
Farley?
Can't hang on!
You are a disgrace to fat...
gelatinous, out-of-shape
little kids the world over.
I don't tolerate losers
in my gymnasium.
- Are you gonna be a loser?
- No, sir.
Rhetorical, Farley.
I already know the answer.
Heads up, Nedderman.
Uh!
Don't you even think
about letting go.
Uh!
- You guys ready to let go?
- Yeah!
All right!
- Mr. Farley?
- Oh, sure. How you doing?
- All right, what's your name?
- Scott.
John, you don't have
time for this.
- Oh...
- Bye-bye.
I'm sorry, guys.
- Keep letting go.
- John! John!
OK, now remember they're
all potential stalkers.
Most want an autograph
and a handshake...
but some of them want an
autograph and a handshake...
and then they want to
take you home, tie you up...
and saw your feet off.
- Well, hi there.
- John Farley.
Your book saved my life.
I didn't do anything.
You did it.
All I did was
give you the raft.
- You had to inflate it yourself.
- Mm-hm.
Mr. Farley, I used to feel
ostracized because of my weight.
But with your help I'm starting
to get my self-confidence back.
Ha! That's a great story.
Why don't you check out
the free coffee and donuts?
Oh!
By letting go, do you mean we
should just forget everything?
My mom said he wouldn't drink
so much...
if he could just forget about that summer
in Uncle Lou's house.
Well, we all have
an Uncle Lou.
And we all drink
for different reasons.
Long day.
I don't even think I can hold
a pen anymore.
Let me give you the same advice
I gave Nelson Mandela...
on his last book tour.
Quit whining, you p*ssy.
- That's helpful.
- You have no idea...
the stuff that
I am saving you from.
Some shithole in Nebraska
wanted to give you...
their corn husk bucket
or something.
The Corn Cob Key?
Uh, is that what it is?
L--I don't know. "The Forest--
"...Meadow Nebraska
Chamber of Commerce...
"wishes to award Mr. John Farley
the Corn Cob Key to the City."
Oh, my God. This is my hometown.
- This is awesome. What did you tell them?
- I told them yes.
- Really?
- No.
Why? Wait.
Maggie, the Corn Cob Key
is a huge honor.
They hardly ever
give it out anymore...
but when they do it's the
highlight of the whole cornival.
I'm sorry.
Did you just say cornival?
Well, yeah. It's a farm town...
so, you know, every year
we have this big celebration.
Corn carnival. Cornival.
- Cornival.
- Maggie, you don't understand.
My mom was Corn Cob Queen
in 1970.
I mean, she still rides
- This will mean so much to her.
- Cornival?
You know what?
Call them back.
I could fly in tomorrow
and surprise her. It's perfect.
to make me go see my mom.
This is different. Since my dad
died, I'm all she's got.
Oh, your dad's dead?
It's a major theme of my book.
The whole last chapter's
about how I let go of that pain.
You haven't read my book,
have you?
Well, there's no point now.
You just ruined the ending.
Hi, John!
Welcome home, John. Ha ha ha!
Luke Jessop, uh, Forest Meadow
Town Council.
We appreciate you taking time
out of your busy schedule...
to--to--to come home and see
the little people.
Thank you. This is great.
It's an honor to be considered
worthy of the Corn Cob Key.
Well, you've earned it, young--
Young man.
So on behalf of--of--
Well, of all of us, John...
- Corn-gratulations!
- Ha ha ha!
...Famous award-winning corn chowder--
- Johnny! Oh, my God, you're here!
- Hey!
- How are you?
- Oh!
I heard your news and I tried to
call you but now you're here!
I was flying in.
- Oh! I am so proud of you.
- Thank you, Mom.
How's it going?
Is the book tour good?
- Yeah, it's good.
- Are you having fun?
Yeah, I'm happy. You look great.
- Thanks.
- Yeah. You going somewhere?
Yeah. I have a date.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- A--Are you seeing someone?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God. That's fantastic.
For how long?
- 5 months.
- What? Why didn't you mention it?
Oh, because you don't like
to hear when I have a date.
- Oh, well, so what's he like?
- Oh, he's great.
He's so handsome and he's--
he's sweet and consid--
- He's a gentleman.
- Oh, Mom, I'm so happy for you.
- Thanks.
- I can't wait to meet him.
- You know, you know him already.
- I do?
Yeah.
Mr. Woodcock?
Farley, I brought you
some daisies.
- Jasper!
- Sorry, I'm late, honey.
That's OK.
Uh, this is Johnny.
My son.
Do you remember him now?
No.
- But I've heard a lot.
- Hm.
It's not every day you get to
shake hands with a celebrity.
Ha ha ha!
- Uh, you ready for dinner?
- Mm-hm.
I don't know
about you...
but I've been thinking
about meat all day long.
I can't believe
you don't remember him.
He was the cutest kid.
About this high
with his chubby little cheeks.
- Mom.
- I had a lot of fat kids over the years.
Oh, he wasn't fat!
Wait a minute.
It's coming back to me.
You're not that kid
that got the squirts...
on the balance beam
that time, were you?
- Jasper.
- No.
Actually I remember you
pretty well.
You kinda gave me a lot of
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"Mr. Woodcock" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/mr._woodcock_14175>.
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