Mrs Brown Page #6

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BROWN:

My heart's in the Highlands, my heart

is not here! My heart's in the

Highlands a-chasing the deer! Chasing

the wild deer and following the roe!

My heart's in the Highlands wherever I

go!

ARCHIE is so creased up with laughing, he almost drowns.

EXT. PUBLIC BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT - DAY

A few minutes later, BROWN and ARCHIE hurry back up the

cold beach to rub themselves dry. BROWN is very energized.

BROWN:

One box of biscuits, one box of drop

tablets, one box of pralines, sixteen

chocolate sponges. It's the same

order every week, but does anybody

bother to check it? Now she has to

travel all the way to Balmoral without

the few luxuries she actually enjoys.

ARCHIE:

So? Someone'll send it on ahead.

BROWN:

Aye, but will they?

ARCHIE:

John, it's not your problem what she

eats.

BROWN:

The woman's surrounded by fools!

(beat)

She has to be packed and ready to

leave by seven thirty tomorrow

morning. Knowing that lot, they'll

still be dressing her at eight.

BROWN takes a nip of whiskey and offers some to his

brother.

ARCHIE:

She's got an army of people to get her

up and out.

BROWN:

But I'm the only one she trusts.

ARCHIE stares at him. A beat.

ARCHIE:

She'll blow hot and cold on you, John,

she always does. You want to be

careful.

BROWN:

I'm on ninety pounds a year plus

seventy pounds for a pile of tartan

I'd be wearing anyway. That's as much

as a Page of the Back Stairs gets and

that job's only for toffs.

(raising his hip flask

triumphantly at the sea)

I'm Her Majesty's Highland Servant!

Indoors and Out. There's no stopping

me now.

EXT. BALMORAL CASTLE - NIGHT

A few days later.

The clatter of carriage and horse as the ROYAL PARTY

thunders through gathering dark toward Balmoral Castle.

CAPTION:
"BALMORAL"

EXT. BALMORAL CASTLE - TWILIGHT

A mass of torches encircle the ROYAL PARTY as kilted

GHILLIES and STAFF swarm round the carriage, opening doors

and clambering off boxes while a regiment of PIPERS play

them in.

Amid this swarm of activity, we glimpse BROWN opening the

door to a smiling VICTORIA as she climbs down, followed by

PRINCESS HELENA and PRINCESS LOUISE. Emerging from another

carriage come BERTIE and PRINCESS ALEXANDRA, staring grim

faced at the castle. HENRY PONSONBY and DOCTOR JENNER

alight from their carriage as PONSONBY slips on his gloves

and pinches his nose at the pain of remembrance.

PONSONBY:

Oh God, not the pipes!

EXT. LOCHNAGER - DAY

The next day.

High over the vast, bleak mountains of Lochnager and Loch

Muick. VICTORIA and BROWN are riding fast towards the top.

Reaching the summit, VICTORIA points excitedly at the far

horizon.

VICTORIA:

What are those?

BROWN:

What?

VICTORIA:

Those, over there, there.

BROWN:

(horse chestnut trees...)

Craobhan-geanmchno-fhiadhaich.

VICTORIA:

(beat)

Craobhan-geanmchno...

(bursts out laughing)

How can I possibly say that with a

straight face?!

BROWN lets it go and they ride on.

VICTORIA (CONT'D)

I am thinking of publishing my

"Highland Journals."

BROWN:

Are they worth reading?

VICTORIA:

(beat)

I am told so.

BROWN:

Who by?

VICTORIA:

Sir Henry Ponsonby tells me they are

charming.

BROWN:

What does he know about the Highlands?

VICTORIA:

He has been attending at Balmoral for

many years.

BROWN:

That doesn't make him an expert.

VICTORIA:

His remarks were directed at the

quality of the writing, not its

subject.

BROWN:

I don't groom a horse to have it

admired by others, I groom it because

it needs grooming.

VICTORIA:

(curtly)

I do not do it for others. But

Ponsonby thinks they are good.

BROWN:

Just say what you have to say, woman.

What other people think shouldn't

matter to you.

VICTORIA:

(snapping)

Of course I shall say what I have to

say. I always do.

The stare at each other until BROWN kicks his horse on.

BROWN:

Aye, well, if all you want is a good

opinion then he'd be sure to oblige

you.

VICTORIA:

(riding alongside)

What Mr Ponsonby was appreciating was

their literary merit, a skill not

intimately associated with the

knowledge of grooming.

(beat)

Literary appreciation does not begin

and end with Tennyson.

BROWN lowers his head.

VICTORIA (CONT'D)

(in a softer tone)

I mention you in them.

BROWN says nothing.

VICTORIA (CONT'D)

In particular, the occasion when

Albert was alive; the Royal Carriage

overturned during a storm and you

demonstrated such loyal service in

returning the Queen and the Princesses

safely to Balmoral.

Taking a sprig of heather from her brooch, VICTORIA holds

it out to him. A beat.

VICTORIA (CONT'D)

For friendship.

INT. BALMORAL CASTLE - DAY

A few days later, PONSONBY, DOCTOR JENNER and BROWN stand

at the chamber-desk, talking over the Queen's itinerary.

BROWN:

(briskly)

She'll be away on Friday between eight

o'clock and six in the evening to

visit the Grants in Glasalt. If she's

to make the journey there and back in

the day she's to have no distractions

the night before. She'll take a light

supper alone in her private drawing

room and retire early.

PONSONBY:

She'll need to sign dispatches before

she retires.

BROWN:

That can wait till the weekend.

PONSONBY:

There are important papers from --

BROWN:

It can wait. Anything else?

JENNER:

Are you sure Her Majesty is up to such

a long journey? She has only just

recovered from a severe head cold.

BROWN:

If I thought she wasn't up to it, I

wouldn't let her go, would I?

BROWN snaps together his papers and walks out, leaving

PONSONBY and DOCTOR JENNER standing lamely at the table.

EXT. BALMORAL CASTLE - DAY

The next morning. The ROYAL FAMILY are picnicking in the

grounds. VICTORIA walks along a path accompanied on one

side by BROWN, on the other by BERTIE.

BERTIE is in mid-plea.

BERTIE:

Surely it is for the gentlemen to

decide when to stop...

VICTORIA:

It is a disgusting habit, Bertie. It

should be discouraged.

BERTIE:

Yes, but isn't midnight a little

excessive?

VICTORIA:

It is quite late enough.

BERTIE:

But mama, the room was built expressly

for that purpose. It has been a

smoking-room by tradition ever since

father --

VICTORIA:

(cutting in angrily)

Brown's responsibilities are onerous

enough already. He has far too much

to do without having to stay up all

night waiting for you to go to bed.

The smoking-room will be closed and

the lights put out at twelve o'clock.

BERTIE:

Mama...

VICTORIA:

And that is my last word on the

matter.

BERTIE:

Well, I'm sorry, but I really do think

it's too much that the gentlemen of

the house should be dictated to by a

servant.

BROWN:

It's the Queen's decision.

BERTIE:

I beg your pardon?

(to VICTORIA)

Mama...?

Before Bertie can continue, BROWN steps right into his

face.

BROWN:

I think you should go now.

(beat)

You've tired your mother enough.

BERTIE stares back, too stunned to speak. He glances at

his mother, but VICTORIA looks off into the distance as if

she has not heard. BERTIE turns and storms away.

INT. ESTATE COTTAGE, BALMORAL - DAY

JOHN BROWN is standing in the doorway of a small cottage

watching, with amused detachment, as a middle-aged couple,

MR and MRS GRANT, race about their tiny living room, trying

desperately to make it presentable for the Queen's sudden

visit. They fling open the windows, slosh water on the

fire, tidy up their two grubby BOYS, plump up the cushions,

dump knitting under the sofa and try to smarten themselves

up, all in the space of a few seconds.

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