Mrs Brown Page #7

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BROWN:

There's really no need for this.

MRS GRANT:

I'll not have her seeing it like it

is!

(beat)

I know she means well, but I wish

she'd warn us she was coming.

BROWN:

She thinks if she warned you, you'd go

pouring water on the fire and stuffing

the knitting under the sofa.

MR GRANT:

Aye, well, you can't stop a wife being

house-proud.

MRS GRANT surveys the room critically.

MRS GRANT:

All right.

(beat)

Show her in.

EXT. ESTATE COTTAGE, BALMORAL - DAY

VICTORIA sits on a horse and trap. BROWN steps out and

helps her down.

BROWN:

They're ready now.

VICTORIA:

I hope they didn't go to any trouble,

John.

BROWN:

Ah, well...

INT. ESTATE COTTAGE, BALMORAL - DAY

VICTORIA steps in to be greeted by all four GRANTS in one

military row, smoke still steaming off the fire. BROWN

stands behind her, barely able to contain himself. But for

VICTORIA, it is all she's ever known and so she takes it as

perfectly normal.

VICTORIA:

Mr Grant. How good it is to see you.

MR GRANT:

(bowing deeply)

Your Majesty.

VICTORIA:

Mrs Grant. How is your knee? Has the

pain eased a little?

MRS GRANT:

(bobbing in terror)

Oh not so bad, ma'am.

VICTORIA:

Good. Oh and here are Douglas and

John. Haven't you grown?

MRS GRANT:

(still bobbing away)

Growing all the time, ma'am.

MR GRANT remembers himself and gestures VICTORIA towards a

chair.

MR GRANT:

Will you sit, ma'am?

From his place by the wall, BROWN notices how easily she

smiles as she is led to the chair. She points to a picture

on the wall and her good humour is infectious.

VICTORIA:

I know that! That's Cairn Lochan. We

picnicked there once, did we not,

John?

INT. A SOCIETY PARTY, LONDON - DAY

A few days later, a party of ARISTOCRATS, MINISTERS,

DIPLOMATS, ESCORTS, BUSINESSMAN and WHORES. Into this

brouhaha come DISRAELI, his elderly wife MARY ANNE and the

young STANLEY. It is all eyes and nods here. Everyone

knows everyone.

DISRAELI:

Ah, the greasy pole.

MARY ANNE:

Don't be facetious, dear. Remember

your position.

DISRAELI:

It's my position I'm thinking of.

Across the room, STANLEY spots BERTIE amid a crowd of

acolytes.

STANLEY:

I see the Prince of Wales is here.

DISRAELI:

I hope he got his mother's permission.

STANLEY smiles faintly. DISRAELI homes in on a punter and

raises his hand, already working the room.

DISRAELI (CONT'D)

Lord Salisbury!

INT. A SOCIETY PARTY, LONDON - DAY

The society party is hotting up. STANLEY is deep in

conversation with three SOCIETY LADIES.

SOCIETY LADY 1

(ridiculously pleased with

herself)

Why is the Queen penny-wise and pound

foolish? Because she looks after the

Browns and lets the sovereigns take

care of themselves!

A peal of naughty laughter. Unseen, DISRAELI steps up.

DISRAELI:

And in your opinion? Is she foolish?

The SOCIETY LADY stares blankly back.

SOCIETY LADY 1

Well I ... well, I mean to say, it's

hardly right, is it?

DISRAELI:

What?

SOCIETY LADY 1

Well, the Queen and --

(appalled whisper)

Mr Brown.

DISRAELI stares at her steadily, already thinking ahead.

DISRAELI:

La superstition met le monde entier en

flammes.

SOCIETY LADY 2

(thick as sh*t)

I beg your pardon?

DISRAELI:

(changing tack)

Has anybody seen this ... Mr Brown?

STANLEY:

He is her personal servant, I believe.

SOCIETY LADY 1

(knowingly)

Follows her wherever she goes.

DISRAELI:

He would hardly make a very good

personal assistant if he did not.

INT. ESTATE COTTAGE, BALMORAL - DAY

BROWN stands by a wall, smiling to himself at the sight of

QUEEN VICTORIA struggling to help lay the table while MRS

GRANT nervously prattles on.

MRS GRANT:

... it's not my best china. I mean,

it is my best china now, but the

family set got stolen last summer.

VICTORIA:

Oh, I'm so sorry ...

MRS GRANT:

Of course it was no-one on the Estate.

More likely one of the lads from

Braemar. Or further even.

(beat)

I'll fetch the salt.

MRS GRANT scurries away. VICTORIA immediately holds up the

spoons to BROWN with a questioning look -- above or beside

the plate? He nods her to the top and she quickly carries

on.

INT. A SOCIETY PARTY, LONDON - DAY

DISRAELI and MARY ANNE stand with BERTIE and his ACOLYTES.

BERTIE:

Mr Disraeli. Ma'am.

DISRAELI:

Your Royal Highness. What a pleasure

to see you here.

BERTIE:

Have you met Mr Lyle? He's in

sugar...?

DISRAELI:

I don't think I've had that pleasure.

DISRAELI shakes hands with the fat sugar tycoon who wobbles

with drink. MARY ANNE engages him in conversation while

BERTIE turns DISRAELI aside.

BERTIE:

No doubt you've heard the rumors.

DISRAELI:

I take no account of gossip, Your

Highness.

BERTIE:

My concern is for the reputation of

the Monarchy.

DISRAELI:

Of course.

BERTIE:

I fear the influence he has on her.

The man's word is not to be credited.

He is an arriviste of the very lowest

water.

(beat)

She's having a bust cast of him. In

Nero Marquino marble.

DISRAELI:

I see.

BERTIE:

I would talk to her myself, but she

won't listen to me. She must be

persuaded, by someone she respects, to

abandon this ridiculous favoritism

before a situation develops.

DISRAELI:

A situation?

BERTIE:

I don't imagine you frequent the

Republican Clubs. But the fact that

neither you nor I are members should

not blind us to the significance of

their existence.

(beat)

The Tory Party has always been our

party.

DISRAELI:

I'm flattered you think so.

BERTIE:

I tell you, if we don't stick together

on this, you could find yourself First

President's Opposition.

(murdering it)

Du Royaum Uni.

DISRAELI:

Quite.

A beat.

BERTIE:

I don't think we can overstate the

seriousness of this.

DISRAELI nods and BERTIE walks swiftly back to his party.

The moment he's gone, STANLEY steps up to DISRAELI's side.

STANLEY:

What did he want?

DISRAELI:

To know when he'll be king.

INT. ESTATE COTTAGE, BALMORAL - DAY

VICTORIA, BROWN and the GRANTS are eating around a large

table. Like a wife watching her husband, VICTORIA beams

proudly at BROWN as he tells a story.

BROWN:

... so Grant here and myself are

riding over Lochnagar and the rain's

pouring down in sheets and all we're

thinking about is getting home for a

drink, when through the gloom Grant

spots a couple of poachers. He gives

me a shout and we chase them down

towards the loch until Grant has your

men up against the stacks and he's

shouting and cursing at them, "Why are

you poaching on Royal land?!" And one

of the little fellas looks up at him

and says, "coz we've come up in the

world."

For a split second, both the GRANTS look petrified, then

BROWN and VICTORIA explode into laughter and the GRANTS

relax. Suddenly the GRANTS are helpless with laughter too.

Beginning with VICTORIA's glass, BROWN pours out liberal

quantities of whiskey all round.

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