Mrs Henderson Presents Page #5

You remind me a bit of myself

at that time.

- Not too thin?

- Oh, you'd be surprised.

Now, remember not to tell anyone

I've been here.

Of course not. It's just between us girls.

- You all get on rather well, don't you?

- Yes, we're like a family.

There hasn't been

any improper behaviour?

- From Mr Van Damm, that is.

- He's very good to us, Mrs Henderson.

He's like a father.

If fathers were nice.

- He treats us as what we are.

- And what is that?

Artists.

I have seemingly handed him

a kingdom.

Complete with harem.

Then, my dear,

you must infiltrate.

Like a delicious,

if overripe, Mata Hari.

Might I propose subterfuge?

Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Amazing. We get all kinds.

I have a very odd feeling, VD.

What I really need

is a rubber trumpet. Yes.

I've had an offer to join a rubber band!

Please don't do this!

Mrs Henderson, you are a fraud!

Oh. Oh!

Don't you dare manhandle me!

- Make a fool of yourself, if you must...

- Mr Van Damm!

...but not of me!

- No! Argh!

What on earth do you think

you were doing?

I simply want to make sure

you are doing your job properly.

It was most unpleasant of you

to grab my hairpiece.

That's made of authentic

Chinese hair!

Well, now you'll have some time

to calm down

and examine your behaviour.

My husband put me

on top of a cupboard once.

You have so much in common.

I'd like you to behave.

No doubt your husband said that to you

as well.

Oh, Mr Van Damm...

...I just can't help myself.

Well... cheerio, then.

No! Don't you dare leave me here!

No, don't you dare!

Don't you dare leave me!

This act's not half bad.

Thank you... very much.

You can't have an animal on stage

with naked women.

Yes, I see that.

It's a shame.

- I've got the new song.

Let's hear it.

Slower.

- What?

# The girl in the little green hat

You better see for yourself.

Hi, Mrs Henderson!

Try the river. It's Tuesday.

- Get me a taxi.

- Yes, VD.

- Tea?

- Yes, please. To take away.

We need a lot of caffeine.

We're exhausted.

You're exhausted?

All you girls do is just stand there.

And that, I am told,

is the definition of a star.

This has got to stop!

We're running a serious theatre.

The entire West End is laughing at us.

I haven't worked for years

to achieve a position of respect

Only to be perceived as a joke!

If all you want to be is a dilettante,

take your money and go someplace else!

I can't... hear you!

I'm not simply frivolous, you know.

And I don't ever, ever

want to be taken for granted.

Actually, I wished to ascertain

that artists who audition for us

are being treated

with the proper respect.

It turns out they are.

I am perfectly satisfied.

On another matter entirely,

I was thinking about billing.

The programme says

"Mrs Henderson Presents Revudeville. "

It's absolutely charming,

but perhaps unfair.

Shouldn't it be

"Mrs Henderson Presents Revudeville -

a Vivian Van Damm production"?

I rather like that, don't you?

I'm going to have a joyride now.

Isn't that exciting?

I am not a servant!

You can't buy me off

with a piece of billing!

Do you hear? Bloody woman!

Is it well stocked with petrol?

What do you mean?

Do you think

we might make it to France?

I don't think I'll be back for a while.

Hitler invades France

- Mr Van Damm.

Mrs Henderson.

Welcome back.

- Thank you.

Do you mind if I sit here for a while?

Suit yourself.

I'm so sorry, Mr Van Damm.

I imagine...

...you have family.

Yes.

I can't bear feeling helpless.

I always think

there's something I can do.

But sometimes, of course...

there's nothing.

Champagne, madam?

Attention!

Don't you feel a bit over-safe?

Caution, my dear, caution.

You know, we're not certain what to do

about the theatres.

- Whatever do you mean?

- They're a frivolous distraction.

Exactly what young soldiers need.

Wouldn't you say?

There are other considerations.

Our intelligence tells us

the Luftwaffe will bomb London.

My dear, my intelligence tells me that.

Then it will be dangerous

for people to congregate, won't it?

Oh, Tommy! Don't be silly!

Congregate underground?

Remember,

my theatre is beneath street level.

It's the safest place to be.

Now, let's have no more

of these foolish ideas.

Oh, Tommy!

Flres were started agaln last nlght

In the East End.

Londoners awoke after the tenth

consecutlve nlght of bombardment

by the German alr force.

We have a huge challenge before us.

It's up to us, Revudeville,

to fortify London in a way that

sandbags and anti-aircraft cannot do.

They may bomb our city,

destroy our homes,

kill our friends and neighbours,

but through it all,

our show will continue.

We will never stop performing,

and we will never close!

He thinks

he's bloody Winston Churchill.

Some of our family are going.

Called up.

Yes.

Thank God our Bertie

has a heart murmur.

It may be wise for some of you

to move into the theatre.

We have room,

and because we're underground, we're safe.

Of course, we'll all have our war duties

as well as theatrical ones.

But...

we wlll pitch in and we wlll doour bit.

That was beautifully put,

Mr Van Damm.

I'm sure we will all make

the necessary sacrifices.

Yesterday I wanted to buy a new hat.

I desisted.

I put the money

in National Savings instead.

We shall come through.

Ken said you were up here.

I didn't believe him.

Why ever not?

It's bloody dangerous, that's why!

Come on down.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

The aircraft have passed.

Look, you can see them

over the East End.

You're ever so cautious,

Mr Van Damm.

One shouldn't be overly so

at times like these.

Everyone should be cautious.

You don't seem to take war

too seriously, Mrs Henderson.

I wonder what you were like

when you were young.

Rather dashing, I dare say.

And filled with hope.

My mind turns towards young men

these days.

You see, Mr Van Damm,

I take war far more seriously

than you can ever dare imagine.

No, you'll have to cover her

faster than that.

- You need to be a lot faster.

- Those things weigh a ton, Bertie.

Goon. Take five minutes.

No, no, no... get it up.

I just can't lift it higher.

Oh, my dear, how generous.

- My goodness!

- Gin.

Help steel our nerves for the air raids.

It does seem they're no longer bombing

during the tableaux.

Well, that's because Mr Van Damm

sent Hitler our programme.

Professional courtesy between Fhrers.

You're all so energetic and courageous.

We're the only theatre

still playing in the West End.

Then you all goout with the soldiers

after the show. It's admirable.

Oh, but I don't. Well, I never goout.

My dear, why ever not?

Before I started stripping off

for a living, I was always falling in love.

I was hopeless.

Never again.

So I've become a right little priss.

A naked spinster.

And that's the way I like it.

Who would have dreamed

that standing on a stage

without any clothes on

would be the safest place to be?

Could you er... come this way, sir?

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