Much Ado About Nothing Page #11

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- She is undone!

- Beatri...

Princes and counties!

Surely, a princely testimony,

a goodly count,

Count Comfect; a sweet

gallant, surely!

O that I were a man for his sake!

Or that I had any friend

would be a man for my sake!

But manhood is melted into courtesies,

valour into compliment, and men

are only turned into tongue,

and trim ones too.

He is now as valiant as Hercules

who only tells a lie and swears it.

I cannot be a man with wishing,

therefore I will die a woman

with grieving.

Tarry, good Beatrice.

By this hand, I love thee.

Use it for my love some other way

than swearing by it.

Think you in your soul the Count

Claudio hath wronged Hero?

Yea, as sure as I do

have a thought, or a soul.

Enough.

I am engaged.

I will challenge him.

I will kiss your hand

and so leave you.

By this hand, Claudio shall

render me a dear account.

As you hear of me,

so think of me.

Go, comfort your cousin.

I must say she is dead.

And so...

Farewell.

Make way! Coming through!

Excuse me, please!

Forsooth.

Is our whole dissembly appeared?

- Which be the malefactors?

- Marry, that am I. And my partner.

Nay, that's certain;

we have the exhibition to examine.

But which are the offenders

that are to be examined?

Let them come before master constable.

Yea, marry, let them come before me.

What is your name, friend?

Borachio.

Write down "Borachio."

- Yours, sirrah?

- I am a gentleman, sir.

- And my name is Conrade.

- Write down, "master gentleman Conrade".

- Masters, do you serve God?

- Yea, sir, we hope.

Write down, that they

hope they serve God:

And write God first; for God defend

but God should go before such villains!

Masters, it is proved already that you are

little better than false knaves;

how answer you for yourselves?

A marvellous witty fellow,

I assure you.

But I will go about with him.

Come you hither, sirrah;

a word in your ear, sir...

I say to you, it is thought

you are false knaves.

Sir, I say to you we are none.

Well, stand aside. 'Fore God,

they are both in a tale.

Have you writ down they are none?

Master constable, you go

not the way to examine:

You must call forth the watch

that are their accusers.

Yea, marry, that's the eftest way.

Let the watch come forth.

Masters, I charge you,

in the prince's name, accuse these men.

This man said, sir, that Don John,

the prince's brother, was a villain.

Write down Prince John a villain.

Why, this is flat perjury,

to call a prince's brother villain.

- Master constable...

- Pray, thee, fellow, peace.

I do not like thy look,

I promise thee.

What heard you him say else?

That he had received

a thousand ducats of Don John

for accusing the lady Hero wrongfully.

- Flat burglary as ever was committed.

- By mass, that it is.

- What else, fellow?

- And that Count Claudio did mean

upon his words to disgrace Hero

before the whole assembly

and not marry her.

O villain! Thou wilt be condemned

into everlasting redemption for this.

- What else?

- This is all.

And this is more, masters,

than you can deny.

Prince John is this morning

secretly stolen away.

Hero was in this manner accused,

in this very manner refused,

and upon the grief of this,

suddenly died.

Master Constable, let these men

be brought to Leonato.

I will go before and show

him their examination.

- Off, coxcomb!

- God's my life, where's the sexton?

Let him write down

the prince's officer coxcomb.

Away! You are an ass!

You are an ass.

Dost thou not suspect my place?

Dost thou not suspect my years?

Oh, that he were here

to write me down an ass!

But, masters, remember

that I am an ass.

Though it be not written down,

yet forget not that I am an ass.

No, thou villain, thou art full of piety,

as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.

I am a wise fellow, and,

which is more, an officer,

and, which is more,

a householder,

and, which is more, a pretty

a piece of flesh as any is in Messina,

- And law...

- And one that knows the law, go to;

- Rich!

- And a rich fellow enough, go to;

- And losses!

- And a fellow that hath had losses,

and one that hath two coats and every

thing handsome about him.

Come, bring him away.

O that I had been writ down an ass!

If you go on thus,

you will kill yourself.

And 'tis not wisdom thus

to second grief against yourself.

I pray thee, cease thy counsel,

which falls into mine ears as profitless

as water in a sieve:

give not me counsel;

nor let no comforter delight mine ear

but such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.

Bring me a father

that so loved his child,

whose joy of her

is overwhelmed like mine,

and bid him speak of patience.

Measure his woe the length

and breadth of mine

and let it answer

every strain for strain,

as thus for thus

and such a grief for such,

if such a one will smile

and stroke his beard,

patch grief with proverbs, make

misfortune drunk with candle-wasters;

bring him yet to me,

and I of him will gather patience.

But there is no such man.

Give me no counsel: my griefs

cry louder than advertisement.

Therein do men from children

nothing differ.

I pray thee, peace!

I will be flesh and blood.

For there was never yet philosopher that

could endure the toothache patiently.

Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself.

Make those that

do offend you suffer, too.

There thou speak'st reason.

Nay, I will do so.

My soul doth tell me Hero is belied,

and that shall Claudio know,

so shall the prince and all of them

that thus dishonour her.

- Good day.

- Good day to both of you.

- Hear you, my lords?

- We have some haste, Leonato...

Some haste, my lord!

Well, fare you well, my lord:

Are you so hasty now?

Well, all is one.

Do not quarrel with us,

good old man.

If he could right himself with quarreling,

some of us would lie low.

- Who wrongs him?

- Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou!

Thou dissembler, thou... Never lay thy hand

upon thy sword. I fear thee not.

Marry, beshrew my hand if it

should give such cause of fear.

- My hand meant nothing to my sword.

- Tush, tush.

Never fleer and jest at me.

I speak not like a dotard nor a fool.

Thou hast so wrong'd

mine innocent child and me

that I am forced to lay

my reverence by and, with grey hairs

and bruise of many days,

do challenge thee to trial of a man.

I say thou hast belied

mine innocent child;

Thy slander hath gone through

and through her heart,

and she lies buried with her ancestors;

O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,

Save this of hers,

framed by thy villany!

- My villany?

- Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.

- You say not right, old man.

- My lord, I'll prove it on his body if he dare!

Away, I will not have

to do with you!

Canst thou so daff me?

Thou hast killed my child!

If thou kill'st me, boy,

thou shalt kill a man.

- Peace, Leonato.

- Let him answer me.

Come, follow me, boy;

come, sir boy, come, follow me:

sir boy, I'll whip you

from your foining fence...

- Wife...

- Content yourself.

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