Muck Page #2

way too many of us left.

Des is going to get it first.

She's f***ing hot.

Respectfully,

I want to disrespect that ass,

but I got to do it quick

'cause she's a f***ing goner.

I'm f***ing hurt, so I'm next.

Sh*t.

And, you, f***ing han solo over here,

you're going off for help.

You're not coming back, boss.

Textbook, dude.

- You're a goner.

- You done?

No, I'm not.

Mia... Mia, she's beautiful.

She's f***ing annoying

when she's freaked out.

- She's going to get offed pretty quick.

- Shut up, Billy.

And then there's you, Kylie.

She's sweet.

She's a little sassy, a little bitchy.

She's the girlfriend.

She's moderately dressed.

That means she's a little more classy

than everybody else.

Which means you know

you're not going to see your tits.

- It's in your f***ing contract.

- Shut up, Billy.

This doesn't feel good.

Noah, we're like robbers.

We just broke into this house.

What if the police come?

Babe, I hope the police come,

but unfortunately,

I don't think

we're gonna get that lucky.

I don't even think there's anyone

around here that would call the police.

- Babe.

- No, babe, let's get in the house.

- Come on, Billy.

- F***ing...

- here we go.

- Oh, god.

Slow, slow,

slow, slow, slow, slow.

Sh*t. Slow down.

Just... f***ing hold on.

All right. Ahh.

- Yeah.

- You all right, man?

Oh, no. F*** me.

Oh, that hurts.

Fire.

All right, guys, I'm going to go

get some help, okay?

- Yeah.

- Noah.

Babe.

God, you guys suck face a lot.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

Can you guys find someone

to pick us up besides the cops?

We're breaking and entering

and drinking.

Then stop drinking.

Who cares?

Let's just get out of here.

No. Hey, I got to agree

with Barbie on this one.

All right, I'd rather call

some real cops from home

than deal with some f***ing

hick sheriff coming out here.

F***, you know, you guys

watch too many movies.

You know what?

I'll go find a phone and call troit

while he's still on the cape, okay?

Be careful.

Careful's my middle name.

Yeah, no, it's Oliver.

Fag.

Okay.

Just hurry up. Vmonos.

Come on.

Drink.

I need to put alcohol in my skull.

And a new leg.

Oh, my knee.

We'll try to find you something

for your wounds.

Great, I'll just...

I'm going to stay right here.

- I'll make you a drink.

- Don't.

No, no, no, no.

If I'm dying,

I'm not dying f***ing sober, okay?

Hell, yeah. Words to live by.

- Or maybe not.

- Just make a whiskey, all right?

No O.J.

- There's no ice.

- I don't give a f***.

Just give me the bottle.

- This bottle?

- Yes, please, Desiree.

- That bottle.

- This one?

I don't give a sh*t.

Just give me the f***ing bottle.

Do that again.

No. Maybe if they knight you.

I got to get this filth off me.

There's got to be a shower upstairs.

Mia, do you want to come

get cleaned with me?

No, I want to stay under the blanket.

- Mia, are you sure about that, babe?

- I'm sure.

'Kay, 'cause I'd climb up those f***ing

stairs with my teeth to see that naked.

Poor Billy. I know you're

just dying to see me naked.

Yeah. Given my situation here,

that's real f***ing funny.

Great. There's no first aid

in the bathroom.

- Convenient.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna just see if there's anything

useful in the basement.

You should try to

put something else on.

F*** off, c*nt.

- Ohh.

- Classy.

No, she's not.

I try.

Sh*t.

Oh, f*** it.

Ew.

Do not go in the basement,

go find a nice, big-ass f***ing knife

and sit your fine ass down

right here next to me

and we'll wait for prince charming

to come back, huh?

Yeah, that's a great line.

Ls that how you get all the ladies?

No, no. That's...

- yeah, that's my big cock, yeah.

- Gross.

No, but seriously,

you're going to go downstairs,

you're going to see a mouse

or see a f***ing rat...

- Mm-mm.

- ...You're going to scream,

and given my situation,

I can't go down there and save the day.

I appreciate that,

but I'm not afraid of spiders or rats.

I'll be fine.

- Are you okay?

- I'm okay.

Hey. You cold?

- What do you think?

- It's 'cause you're naked.

In f***ing rain boots.

Sweet.

It's just the wind.

Don't be a p*ssy.

Ch!

What's the point

of having a boyfriend

when I'm down here

tripping over spiders?

Ava!

You all right?

- Sorry.

- You're not wearing green.

- That's not your boyfriend.

- Where is he anyway?

- He's around here somewhere.

- Well, I hope he's wearing green.

I am wearing green.

Cheers for her birthday.

Lookie, lookie what just walked in

through the door.

- Dibs.

- Dibs.

Well, her husband didn't even bother

to show up today,

so she should have dibs.

Oh, hi.

Hello, b*obs.

Yes, I changed my mind.

- It's my birthday.

- Oh.

Missy, strip.

- Thank you, thank you.

- Okay.

Look at you not wanting to dress up

to celebrate with the girls.

And as soon as

a hot guy waltzes in,

it's like, "oh, take off your dress.

Get naked in the bathroom."

Get a f***ing phone, call troit.

I can't believe

you're making me do this.

It's a crazy birthday.

It's about to get crazier...

I guess I'm going to

go drink more

because god knows

I won't find a guy dressed like this.

F*** me.

Hey, sailor.

Want to buy me a drink?

It's my birthday.

Happy birthday.

- It's St. Patty's day.

- And my birthday.

Happy birthday.

- Can I borrow your phone?

- Aren't you rude.

Mm. If you take a picture with me

and buy me a drink, you can.

Yeah, sure.

Excuse me, sir.

What'll it be, kid?

Look, just so you know,

got no rocks glasses, ice, or olive.

I just want something quick.

I'm in kind of a rush.

- Shots are quick.

- And something strong.

Tequila's strong.

Um, yeah, two shots of Tequila.

For 10 bucks.

I don't want a shot of Tequila.

- Do I, girls?

- No!

- You want every other goddamn thing.

- What do I want?

Sex on the beach.

Sex on the beach.

It's your funeral, kid.

So cool.

Cool.

- Cheers.

- Yes.

- Keep the change.

- Change?

- I need to change jobs.

- Dance with me.

Okay, yeah.

I just need to make a phone call.

Here.

But if you try to run off with it,

my husband will kick your ass.

He is a farmer.

Okay. Thanks.

F***. Jesus.

Thanks for the tip, shits.

Peachy.

Crazy married broads.

- "Yello"?

- Davidson, thank god.

...in my new black boots

'Cause, darling, you know

The best trees

show their roots

And when I showed up

At that dance hall on 65

I was a-looking

For something like you

And I'll give one

Kiss to show your heart

And I'll give you two

Little moments in the dark

And I'll give you three,

but no more

Turns across the floor

But then it's your turn

And, boy, you better learn

to be a gentleman

To be a gentleman...

Please, help!

Get up!

'Cause, baby, you know

The best sound is the blues

But when I reckon

Just like that dance hall on 65

I was a-looking

For something as true

And I'll give you one

Kiss to show your heart...

Yo, troit. Lover boy.

Your phone's ringing.

Eh, I don't recognize the number.

It could be a girl you gave

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