Muck Page #3

your number to in a drunken stupor.

I don't stupor when I'm drunk.

- Could be important.

- I've seen you stupor.

And I've seen you puke

in your purse when you're drunk.

Have not!

- Yello?

- Davidson, thank god.

You guys are so cute. Like a little

married couple or something.

- Are you there?

- I'm going to go powder my nose.

Hello?

- Hello?

- Bye.

Davidson, are you there?

Oh, shut up.

You always see the worst in people.

Only you and the people

you try to bang.

Quiet, wench.

I'm on the phone.

If she's not doing coke, she's probably

puking up those French fries.

Those fries sucked.

I'd puke 'em up, too,

if my gag reflex still worked.

Noah, what's up, man?

Dude, it's pretty late.

Shouldn't you be f***ing

that little pop-tart of yours?

No, man.

Nobody's f***ing right now.

Listen, man, I'm in west craven

and I really need a ride.

West craven?

What the hell are you doing out there?

You know, that place used to be

pretty cool, but now, ehh.

Yeah, well, there's definitely

something going on now, okay?

- I'm in some trouble, I really...

- All right. I'll be there.

But, dude, if it's some boring

west craven bullshit,

- I'm gonna be pissed.

- Yeah, no. It's not.

- Do you have room for five?

- Five?

- Five? Five people?

- Ahh...

Try and ditch the deadweight

if you can.

If not, the more the merrier.

- Just hurry, okay?

- All right.

- Who was that?

- My cousin Noah.

He wants me to pick him up

in west craven.

- Now?

- Mm-hmm.

Troit, that's in the middle of the cape.

Yup. You wanna come?

I guess.

When do I say no to you?

- Every time I tell you...

- Shut up.

Well, you asked.

Did I hear we need to pick up

five people?

How are we all going to fit?

Well, you could sit on my lap.

Take a ride on my lap.

- It'll be fun.

- Sh*t.

Then I might be sitting on

little-miss-local-nosebleed's face.

Oh, nice.

I don't think she'd like that.

Uh, I think she might.

Such a pig.

I hate you.

Hey, just because your religion

doesn't like pork

or they're against it

or whatever,

it doesn't mean I can't

fantasize about you.

Shut up, troit.

And I'm not Muslim, I'm hind...

And you know that.

I know you know that.

Shh. Hey, hey, no.

It's okay.

You're a terrorist

and you hate Christmas

and you want to steal

my 40 virgins,

but, Chandi, I support you

and your crazy beliefs.

I do not know why

I hang out with you.

Yes, you do.

Besides, I make you laugh.

No.

Well, yes.

But that's not enough.

You're an idiot.

And you kind of want to bang me.

- No.

- It's cool.

- No, I do not.

- Really, it's cool.

I kind of want to bang you, too.

You're drunk.

Drunk is not an excuse

for being right, baby.

Who was I named for?

Your grandmother.

- On what side?

- Your mother's.

- How many times have I been arrested?

- Five, you criminal.

All dismissed, though.

Bet your sweet ass.

Henry, we need shots.

Shots for the road.

He's really hot.

Which one?

Mirror, mirror, on my wall...

- Too much.

- Who's the fairest of them all?

You're never going to

get this off of me.

She can bring you to your knees

But she's hard to please

"Oh, my god,

so surprised to see you

I'm so glad to finally meet you"...

It's not enough.

This might come off

if you play your cards right.

I see you staring in your mirror

What will it take for you to see?

Almost, but it's a little too...

And your beauty is empty

I'm a sure thing.

If you could see

what you could be, girl

You wouldn't be

dishonest to me...

Henry, we need shots.

- Shots for the road.

- Do you think that's a good idea, t?

No, no, I do not.

- What'll it be, then?

- That was fast.

Uh, two shots of...

f*** is the name of that drink?

Jack. two shots of Jack for me

- and a fuzzy ball.

- Navel.

A fuzzy navel for this

pretty little thing next to me.

Oh, and do you have

any curry back there?

Jameson, a**hole.

I stand corrected.

The lady wants

"Jameson a**hole."

Anyone named Jameson in here?

I'm going to kill you all.

F***ing terrorist.

Name on my uncle's back.

Spider monkey from India.

Oh, shots.

Put me down.

What the f*** are we drinking to?

- World peace.

- Nope.

This ain't a beauty pageant, honey.

Then to good times

and good friends.

- Nope.

- This ain't a mormon dance.

Then what?

- To pinky the Saint.

- To pinky the Saint.

Okay.

Ooh.

- On to west craven.

- Ooh, on to west craven.

Whoo!

Ah, like horse urine.

Troit, do you think going to

west craven now is such a good idea?

- I mean...

- I know what you mean.

- Just put it on my tab.

- That's not what I meant.

You don't even have a tab.

No tab, you say? Oh.

Well, I will be back tomorrow.

But in the meantime,

on to west craven.

Scott, you don't think...

What's the point

of having a boyfriend

when I'm down here

tripping over spiders?

No, wait. Nobody's f***ing right now.

Listen to me.

I'm in west craven

and we really need a ride.

Do you have room for five?

The car went that way.

Thanks, man.

Thanks.

Fag.

I swallow his beasts

I absorb his demons

Like shock therapy

Flypaper in the evening

I'm cold alone

Then he brings me home

- In an alley...

- Get off!

The old gods

and the new game

We happen to meet

Came alive on a Sunday

I'm told of Rome

And all its roads...

Please, don't.

Get off!

F*** you!

F*** you!

Get off of me!

Get off of me!

Whoa.

I should probably get on.

Sh*t.

Oh, my god.

He did not.

He called you?

Yes, you should totally

go out with him.

Get off of me! Please! Help!

You're drunk, Chandi.

Why is this gravel?

My car...

- Where's your car?

- Are you okay to drive?

- I, uh...

- Oh, my gosh. Guys.

- Look at this boat.

- Wow.

Chandi, we should

totally buy a boat.

- What about me?

- Yes.

Yes, we should all buy a boat.

Really, troit?

You want to buy this boat?

No, not this boat.

Yeah, Chandi.

Not this boat.

This will never play.

Okay, troit.

Tomorrow, we'll all buy a boat.

But for now,

your car's over there.

- Let's go.

- Oh.

All right.

Let's go find this cuz.

- This your car?

- Yup.

- Where are we going?

- Do you even know how to get there?

- Where are we going?

- Enough.

No more questions.

Or put them in writing.

Good.

Now either get in,

get out, or go away.

- It's a good thing he's hot.

- Really hot.

You really like red bull,

don't you?

It gives me wings.

Come on, Betty.

- Your car's name is Betty?

- No.

- What is he doing?

- Just wait.

Let's go make some music.

Kylie!

Billy! Billy!

- Jesus Christ. Mia!

- Kylie!

What do you want?

F*** you, man.

- Let go of me!

- Leave us alone!

- Let me go!

- Oh, my god!

Help! Help! Leave us alone!

' Mb'. '

Mia!

Sh*t.

- F*** you! What do you want?!

- Billy!

Stop it! Let me go!

Billy!

Help us!

Billy, help me!

- Billy.

- Man, what the f*** did we do?!

Billy!

Get the f*** away from us!

- Get the f*** away from us.

- Back off, you f***!

Leave me alone!

- Billy.

- F***ing...

I can't leave you here.

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