Multiplicity Page #4

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Well, it isn't working. I need a | break, so I can work on the house.

Or sit and think a single thought. | Or play golf every once in a while.

I've been working since I was | 12 years old. It's break time.

I think the 12-year-old is saying: | "You need time for Doug."

- What a suck! | - I don't know what a suck is.

- Come on. For Doug. | - Fine. Screw your life up.

- You're in way over your head. | - You're two good-looking guys.

- I'll make this up to you. | - Start by cloning Laura.

Cloning, Laura... | Bye, Doug. Have a good time.

I'm worried about him. | He's uptight, isn't he?

He'll be all right.

That's a lot of ribs. | What is that? A slab?

Okay kids, hurry up. | We're going to be late.

Books, jackets.

I'll drive the kids to school. Take | a couple of minutes to yourself.

- Thanks. | - That's all right.

Look, what I said about you | quitting your job... Forget it.

You have as much right to work | as I do.

- You mean it? | - I mean it.

I just want you to be happy.

I'll give you a foot rub tonight.

- How's it going? | - Fine. I'm baking. Where are you?

At the Laker game. I meant to go | home, but I felt like stopping here.

Have a good time.

- Did you hear from Two? | - He's still at work.

The guy's a horse. | I'll be home soon.

All right. | See you.

- What happened? | - Nothing. I had a terrible dream.

- What was it? Your dream? | - I don't know.

Go back to sleep. | Everything will be okay.

What was that all about? | Up there, with Laura?

- Who won the game? | - Don't worry about that. Lakers.

- What were you doing in bed? | - Nothing.

We were watching TV. Laura wanted | to go to bed. What could I do?

What do you mean, | "she wanted to go to bed"?

- What do you mean? | - You know what I mean.

- Did you have sex with my wife? | - No!

No, Douglas! Here was the plan. | When she was asleep, I'd sneak out.

I guess I dozed off. | Nothing happened.

She did kind of brush me in that | region, but I mamboed out of there.

Doug, he mamboed out.

Listen to me. Both of you. | Rule number one.

It's unbreakable. | Don't even try to bend this rule.

Nobody has sex with my wife | but me.

Fabulous rule, Doug.

- No clone nookie. | - You're the man, Doug.

Original nookie only.

- We're clear on that rule, right? | - Absolutely. It's locked in here.

- So, did you? | - No!

- Wimp. | - Slob.

The mambo king.

Watch the stern there!

Number eight, | it's a boat, not a bathtub.

- Did you enjoy sailing? | - It was more like bumper cars.

How about a nice | "I sailed with Walt" T-shirt?

Do you have an | "I got a refund from Walt" T-shirt?

I'd like to learn how to sail. | Do you have anything big enough -

- to take my whole family out | and not end up like Gilligan?

Great show. Remember the one | with the Harlem Globetrotters?

That was good. Believable, too.

- What the hell are you doing? | - How many of you are there?

That's our brother Doug. This is | Patti and Beth. We were dancing.

One's cuter than the next.

Are you as much fun | as Lance and Rico?

Lance and Ri..?

- You're Rico, I'm guessing. | - Guess again.

Even he can't tell them apart.

Look, can we have some privacy? | We have to have a family meeting.

- Wait.. | - We were going to have a party.

- You're kidding, right? | - No.

- Are you a drag or what? | - Try to keep your voices down.

Goodnight, Lance! | Goodnight, Rico!

The adventures of Lance and Rico.

- Where did you meet them, Lance? | - They work at the Minimart.

Yes, they're clerks.

- Were the Slurpee girls busy? | - I stopped to pick up my dinner.

She offered to nuke my corn dog. | What am I going to say? No?

So we came back here to party.

- They were two very nice women. | - "Women" being the key word here.

You can't just bring | strangers up here.

- Are we supposed to be monks? | - He has a point.

A damn good point.

- What are you doing? | - What do you mean?

- I'm having a smoke. | - I can see that, but why?

I spent 1,000 dollars to quit. | Remember?

- Looks like it didn't take. | - Don't ever do that again.

- What are you going to do about it? | - I'll hit you so hard, he'll die.

Guys, come on. Let's sit down and | talk. You're angry. Like two lions.

- Shut up. | - I'm sorry.

- Where's your aspirin? | - Tylenol. In the kitchen.

I'll find it.

I'll find it.

Look at this place. It's a mess. | I can't leave you for a minute.

One, two, three, four.

Doug, if I might...

One, two, three...

- Four... | - Twelve.

Doug, I'd like you to meet Four.

I got a wallet. | That guy gave it to me.

I'm going to drive a car.

He's got a wallet. | Come here. Come here.

- Where did he come from? | - He'll help us out around here.

Do the day-to-day stuff. Clean the | house, take out the trash and so on.

Forget that! | What the hell is wrong with him?

Nothing.

Nothing's really wrong. | He's a little special.

He's fine. He'll be all right.

- He's special, all right. | - We made a copy from Two.

Sometimes a copy from a copy is | not quite as sharp as the original.

Leeds loved it. | because it was very experimental.

We got a great deal.

Leeds loved it? | Good. Because I hate it.

You can't just go around | cloning people. That's crazy!

Listen up. | Listen really clearly to me.

Rule number two. First of all... | We all remember rule number one.

- No sleeping with your wife. | - That's important.

- Rule number two: No more Dougs. | - This is plenty, I think.

I'll call Leeds tomorrow. We're | out of the Doug-making business.

- Am I clear? Am I clear on this? | - The book's closed on that one.

I like pizza. | I like it!

We're going to need a cage.

Bye, Steve. | Good party.

I like Steve.

- How did it go? | - I'm telling you, this is great!

You want some really great sailing? | Bring Mrs. Doug tomorrow -

- and come to Catalina | with Robin and me on my big boat.

We'll cruise the Avalon Harbour | at sunset. Champagne on board.

We'd leave you alone. You make love | right on the boat. Very romantic.

- Think about Catalina. | - I'll call you.

Honey, may I do that? | I want to show you something.

First of all, this piece | of aluminium foil is too small.

It can't cover it all, so you'll get | that hard crust around the meat. -

- and nobody wants to eat that.

At Christmas time | we can make an ornament out of it.

And save those fries. We'll paint | them and hang them on the tree.

The kids are going to love that. | Okay, we'll take a fresh piece.

Now we fold up one side. | Make sure we're even.

Then I fold once. twice or three | times. Whatever you need to fold it.

But don't just roll it over. Then | you have that lump in the middle.

Fold it nicely, so no air gets | in there. Air is our enemy.

Then take this. | Tuck, tuck, fold. T.T.F.

Two tucks and a fold. | I just think of Elizabeth Taylor.

Now roll it over nice and flat. | No air is going to get in there.

We could send it off to NASA and | nothing would happen. Now, the lid.

That's very nice. | Very nice.

Doug, I've noticed some things about | you lately that make me think...

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