Murder Ahoy Page #2

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- Yes.

Keep lookout

at 11 o'clock tonight.

I shall pass on to you

any evidence I've uncovered,

so that if anything

untoward does happen,

you will be empowered

to pursue the matter on your own.

That's all then I think.

I shall see you

in the morning as arranged,

unless of course I find it necessary

to contrive a longer stay on board,

but if the captain's

all the Bishop says he is,

I will not be very welcome.

Miss Marple, I forbid you to...

Damn the torpedoes.

Full speed ahead, Mr. Stringer.

Thank you, laddie.

- Can I help you with your bag, sir?

- Oh, no. No, thank you.

- May I?

- Oh, certainly, ma'am.

Push off for'ard.

Give way together, lads.

Look at it. Will you look at it!

Reefer jacket,

brass buttons, tricorn hat.

Who does she think she is?

Neptune's mother?

All right, Connington. Pipe.

- Pipe.

- Pipe.

- De Courcy Rhumstone, ma'am.

- Marple, Captain.

Welcome aboard.

May I introduce you to my officers?

- By all means.

- Commander Breeze Connington, ma'am.

- How do you do?

- Organization and accounts.

Lieutenant Commander Dimchurch.

Navigation and seamanship.

Lieutenant Compton, ma'am.

Discipline and character building.

Sub-Lieutenant Humbert, madam.

Physical training.

- And?

- We find that's quite enough, ma'am.

Assistant Matron

Shirley Boston, ma'am.

Yes, and last but not least...

- Matron - first class - Fanbraid.

- How do you do? First class!

Yes, yes. First class.

That went smoothly.

May I, on behalf

of the rest of the crew,

offer our condolences

on the loss of your fellow trustee.

Thank you very much.

Let's not waste time -

here's my programme.

Just a minute. Humbert! Come here.

Thank you.

Naturally.

...there's a tour

of instructional classes,

then 18:
45 to 19:45 - drinks

and cold collation in the wardroom.

sea shanties by port watch of hands.

the last bus to Milchester.

- I thought...

- Excuse me.

- Miller?

- Sir!

What are you doing with that?

- Carrying it, sir.

- It's mine, Captain.

- Yours?

- Yes. My seabag, you know.

Seabag? You're only

staying a few hours, aren't you?

Well, I do feel it my duty,

Captain, as a new trustee,

to be some little time with you.

I had hoped to spend the night.

Spend the night? Spend the night!

I'm terribly sorry,

but it's entirely out of question.

Apart from anything else, there's

no suitable quarters. I'm sorry.

Splendid quarters, Captain.

So kind of you to give them up.

Not at all.

Not at all.

Yes, this will do splendidly I think.

Delightful view.

Delightful view, Captain.

Yes, I'm going to miss it.

Snuff.

I think that's about all then, madam.

A handsome blade, Captain.

- Yes, it is, isn't it?

- Yes.

It was given to my great grandfather

after the Battle of Trafalgar.

- Really?

- I've never been parted with it.

I see.

Good. Yes, well, I'll see you on

the poop in about 10 minutes then.

- Captain.

- Yes, madam.

- Haven't you forgotten something?

- I don't think so.

Surely you want your snuff?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Thank you very much.

- Allow me.

- Oh, thank you.

I wonder if you'd mind...

Thank you.

No, you can have that on me.

- In memory of Trafalgar.

- How very kind of you.

Thank you.

Oh, heavens!

I hope I'm not giving

too much trouble?

No, of course not, madam.

After all, it is for only

one night... isn't it?

What a waste.

What a diabolical waste!

Oh, come on everyone. Cheer up!

It's only for one night.

The captain and his visitor

will be here soon,

for heaven's sake,

let's create a good impression.

Sir, Eric and I were going

to the Ellington's party!

Bingley Castle -

the party of the year!

Darling, there's always another night

and tomorrow night I'm free.

If you want trouble, Compton,

now isn't the time.

Darling, please!

I do agree, Muscles.

I do so agree.

Compton!

Stop this.

Miss Marple's presence here at least

ensures we shall eat hearty tonight.

- Eh, Dimchurch?

- What?

Oh, yes. Yes.

- Are you all right, old chap?

- Yes, yes. Fine.

Does she worry you that much?

No. No.

It's just... a nuisance.

Never mind. We'll just keep the

cupboard doors closed for longer.

Stop the skeletons rattling, hmm?

- Skeletons?

- Skeletons?

Skeletons? How interesting.

- Bravo! Bravo!

- Encore.

Encore.

Why don't you shut up. That's all!

Thank you.

That was most stirring,

most stirring indeed.

- Really?

- All these young things singing.

The lads of the starboard watch

are better, but it's their night off.

Perhaps another programme

can be arranged?

- As to that, Miss Marple...

- Yes, yes it can... next year.

- Oh, thank you.

- Not at all.

Are you satisfied

with what you've seen?

I must say, everything seems to be

shipshape and Bristol fashion.

I'm glad to hear it,

but I expected no less.

It's been a long day.

How about a nightcap?

- A very good idea.

- Good. Right, dismiss.

Dismiss.

- Dismiss.

- Dismiss!

We've enjoyed your visit, madam. It's

been a great fillip to morale.

Thank you, Captain, but there is

one thing that disturbs me.

What's that?

I can't for the life of me

think what it was

that so upset Ffolly Hardwicke

after his visit here.

Upset? What about, Miss Marple?

Well, unfortunately,

the poor man passed over

before he passed on whatever it was

that was on his mind.

- We had hubble bubble that day.

- Hubble bubble?

A mixture of baked beans

and leftovers.

Ah, so that's what you call it!

Even the boys loathe it.

I suppose he did too.

I'm rather fond of it myself.

There's no accounting for taste.

Well, we got that cleared up.

Nice to get these things cleared up.

- Please sit down.

- Thank you.

There, now may I say

on behalf of all of us

how sorry we will be

to see you go in the morning.

How nice of you to say that.

I had no idea you would welcome

my staying on...

...the inconvenience I mean.

There has been none involved.

It would have been splendid for you

to have stayed with us for longer.

Then say no more, Captain, I stay.

Good!

- Steward!

- Yes, ma'am?

You know.

Captain, as a measure

of my appreciation

and with your permission, of course,

I should like to give the order.

- What?

- Steward!

Splice the main brace!

- Thank you, Captain.

- Thank you, sir.

Ah, no, not for me.

If you don't mind, ma'am, I don't

care for the stuff. I'll turn in.

Oh, well...

- Captain...

- Yes, ma'am?

...ladies and gentlemen,

the good ship, Battledore.

- Battledore.

- Battledore.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll retire.

Good night, everyone.

See you all in the morning.

How the devil did that happen?

Sir, you more or less

invited her to stay.

- Who's talking to you?

- You did.

- Did I?

- Yes.

Did I?

It's rather a case

of being outmaneuvered, sir!

Outmaneuvered! Me?

Outmaneuvered...

Well, the champagne

was already laid on, sir.

Yes...

...already laid on.

What's her little game then?

Mr. Stringer? What...?

Dusty?

Whatever can the dear man mean?

Captain...

Captain, sir...

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