Murder Is Easy

[]

Oh, thank you.

Oh, you're so kind.

Thank you. -Sure, here we go. -I

was so afraid I was going to miss it.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

I meant to go on up this morning.

But then, of course, the morning train

would have been crowded,

what with the derby.

You wouldn't happen to know

which horse won?

The derby?

Oh, let me think.

I've been so upset

with this dreadful business.

Maybe Jujube?

Jujube the Second?

I don't think it was Jujube.

They said he hadn't a chance.

My computer says he does. I've

programmed all the variables:

the jockey, the horse, the

track conditions, everything.

And each time, it came up

the same:
Jujube.

[CHUCKLING]

I'm sorry.

I do get carried away. Probably

don't know what I'm talking about.

You make it sound so exciting.

But I'm sure an old

muddlehead like me

couldn't begin to grasp

anything about computers.

Oh, sure you could.

Ah, you see, it's only

a question of probabilities.

Now look, imagine you have

a jigsaw puzzle,

only some of the pieces

are missing.

All right,

take the pieces you have

and you feed them

into the computer,

remembering that

the pieces are numbers.

And then the computer

will tell you

what the missing pieces

probably look like.

Oh, then it isn't a matter

of absolute certainty?

If it were,

I'd be rich.

I'm sure you do very nicely

with your winnings.

Huh? Oh, oh, the derby?

Uh, no, no, you see,

I did that just for fun.

I'm a researcher at MIT,

near Boston. Um...

I'm Luke Williams,

by the way.

And I'm Lavinia Fullerton.

I gather you're on holiday.

Yes, yes, this is my first tour of

Europe, and I am beginning to see

what it is

I have been missing.

Ah, you could develop

other passions, then.

[CHUCKLING]

Yes.

Just as well, perhaps.

You know,

Alexander Pope says,

One master-passion

in the breast,

like Aaron's serpent,

swallows up the rest.

Essay on Man.

Epistle... one.

Epistle two.

It's hard being alone,

I know.

Of course,

I do have Wonky Pooh.

My cat, you see.

[MOUTHS]

Oh.

Beautiful.

But he's had

such a painful ear lately.

And he was missing this morning.

I simply couldn't leave

until he was found.

Now, why are we stopping?

I'm so late as it is.

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

Well, I don't

see anything.

Dear.

Well, I can only hope

they don't keep

usual office hours

at Scotland Yard.

[]

Uh, Scotland Yard?

Oh, I'm sure

it's safe to tell you.

You see, our constable

at Wychwood

is used to dealing

with traffic problems

and even with dogs

who foul the footways.

But I feel certain

he is just not the man

to deal with...

Well, with murder.

Murder?

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Oh, yes.

After the third time,

one knows.

Three murders?

At least three

I know of.

It's the look, you see.

That terrible, mad look

on the killer's face

before striking.

I saw it first

with Major Horton's wife,

and she died.

And then there was

Harry Carter

and Tommy Pierce.

And I feel certain

that Dr. Humbleby will be next.

And the terrible thing is

that if I told him,

he wouldn't believe me.

Nor would our constable.

But at Scotland Yard...

Now you're sure

I can't help you

find a cab,

just to get into London?

No, thank you.

It's quite all right.

Oh, look,

that's your horse.

LUKE:

Oh, wait'll Jimmy sees that.

Well, I must be off.

It's such a pleasure.

Thank you.

Um, uh, pardon me,

Miss... Miss Fullerton?

Oh, Professor Williams,

it's enough to know

that you actually wrote it.

I couldn't think

of taking it from you.

Please.

It's dedicated

to my Aunt Mary,

and she never even saw it.

In that case,

I shall treasure it.

Um, Miss Fullerton?

A-about this

murder business...

You know, at first I feared

you didn't believe me.

Well... Well, think of it

in terms of... Of...

Well, probabilities.

Now, it'd be pretty tough

for someone to try

and get away

with all those murders.

Oh, forgive me,

professor,

but that's where

you're in error.

You see,

the person in question

is just the last person

anyone would suspect.

And so long as

no one suspects you,

murder is easy.

[TIRES SCREECH]

MAN:

Hey, Luke!

Ha-ha!

Welcome to London.

Jimmy, how are you?

Did you see

those derby results?

Did I see them?

I already have

a computer lined up

so that you can

pick me out a winner

during the Ascot meetings.

No, not me. This is

my first vacation in years.

I have no intention

of sitting in a computer room

and doing

the same thing...

If you could just

overlook this,

just this once,

because, um...

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

Jimmy, I can't help

but wonder... The curiosity...

I'm sorry

your Miss Fullerton

got herself applied

to the pavement like that,

and I really do think

it's terribly decent of you

to want to go

to the funeral.

But I have lined up

a couple

of absolute beauties.

One's got a yacht,

and I thought,

as you're no longer

involved with Nancy...

Yeah, but, Jimmy,

do you know why

I am no longer

involved with Nancy?

Because Nancy said to me

I was more involved

with my theories

than I was with her.

And other ladies

have said the same thing.

That's why you want

to go to the funeral?

It's just that this lady

got through to me,

and I'm very curious

about Dr. Humbleby.

Jimmy, look.

A lady is going

to Scotland Yard,

she is going to identify

a murderer,

and then she is killed.

Now that defies

the theory of probability.

Luke, you can't believe

her story.

This country is teeming

with these dotty old dears

full of direst imaginings.

They're a type.

Stout shoes,

capacious handbag.

Getting warm?

Probably had a budgerigar

as well, or a cat.

Wonky Pooh.

I rest my case.

[]

Oh, all right,

I'll take you to your funeral

at Wychwood, then.

But I shall definitely

expect you to come up

with the Gold Cup winner

at the Royal Ascot for me.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

MAN:

"The beginning and the end.

"I will give unto him

that is athirst

"at the fountain

of the water of life freely.

"He that overcometh

shall inherit all things,

"and I will be his god

and he shall be my son."

And so the time has come

for us to say

our last goodbye

to our dear friend,

Lavinia Fullerton.

And indeed, you have all

been good friends to her.

Mr. Abbot,

who served her well

as a... A legal advisor

for many years.

[]

Major Horton.

And you are remembering

today, I know, how...

How faithfully Miss Fullerton

attended your wife in...

In her last illness.

Mr. Ellsworthy.

Ah.

Mr. Ellsworthy.

Yes.

[COUGHS]

And Miss Waynflete,

of course. Heh.

Honoria,

how well I remember

you and Lavinia

as young ladies,

with Clarence Humbleby.

And with your father too,

Bridget, dear.

God rest his soul.

[MAN SNIFFS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

VICAR:

Ah, yes, certainly, of course.

Lord Easterfield,

always a fine friend

to all, I'm sure.

[BELL TOLLING]

Hey, Jimmy,

will you slow down?

I wanna talk to them...

That old snob's

gaining on us.

EASTERFIELD:

Mr. Lorrimer.

Lord Easterfield.

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