Murder Is Easy Page #2

So it was you

at the funeral.

Is Lady Barbara not with you?

How is she?

Oh, Mama is very well.

Splendid. Well,

come along to tea.

Oh, don't think

that's possible.

EASTERFIELD:

Nonsense. Of course it's possible.

It's perfectly possible.

I only just live...

Gordon, dear. Really,

you mustn't insist.

I'm Bridget Conway,

Lord Easterfield's secretary.

Jimmy Lorrimer.

And Luke Williams.

EASTERFIELD:

Bridget,

Mr. Lorrimer

is coming to tea.

BRIDGET:

Gordon, please.

I gather Miss Fullerton

was a friend.

Uh, no, actually,

we came to see somebody.

JIMMY:

That's right.

A duty call for Mama, really.

An old acquaintance

of hers.

Fellow called Humbleby.

Dr. Humbleby?

Oh, dear.

Well, you're out of luck there.

Humbleby's dead.

[]

LAVINIA:

And I feel certain

that Dr. Humbleby

will be next.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

LUKE:

Now, come on.

I'm the expert on probability,

so don't tell me that Humbleby

just happened to drop dead

right on schedule.

I'm not leaving till I find out

what's going on around here.

Oh, very well.

But you can't simply

just waltz into a poky,

little English village

and start asking

questions all around.

You'll stick out

a mile.

We'll just have to try

and think

of some plausible reason

for your being here.

But don't expect me

to stay.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

I knew you'd come

after all.

Tang dynasty,

I believe.

Aren't they all.

Well, it's too bad

about Dr. Humbleby.

EASTERFIELD:

Oh, Humbleby was a muddle-headed, old fool.

BRIDGET:

That means he disagreed with Gordon.

Well, he would oppose me

on the question

of our water supply.

If only he'd taken the trouble

to read my editorials

on the subject, but no.

Stubborn as a mule.

BRIDGET:

Now, Gordon,

I'm sure we're all

very sorry he's dead.

You have no reason

to grieve at any rate, my dear.

But you can't oppose

the will of providence.

Here's old Humbleby

gets a mere scratch,

and within three days,

he's dead of it.

I expect it had less

to do with providence

than with blood poisoning.

He simply neglected

his condition, that's all,

as doctors often do,

oddly enough.

I shan't say any more.

Couldn't bear Lady Barbara

to think ill of me.

[CHUCKLES]

Actually, Mama hardly

knew Dr. Humbleby.

It was Luke

that was so eager

to come to Wychwood,

wasn't it, Luke?

Was it really?

I must say, you don't

look like our usual

witchcraft enthusiast.

We get so few Americans.

Well, you've come

to the right place for it.

Of course, I think

all this witchcraft business

is rather absurd.

How did you know that I was, uh,

here to study witchcraft?

Oh, what else could

induce anyone

to come to Wychwood?

Oh, but Luke's thrilled.

Always been keen

on the stuff,

doing a book on, uh...

How's it go, Luke?

About death, anyway.

LUKE:

Oh.

Uh, ha-ha. Well...

Ancient burial customs.

JIMMY:

Of course, we were going to go on to Stonehenge,

for the druid festival,

but now I'm not certain.

Perhaps one should tarry.

I trust there are comfortable

lodgings in the village?

Lodgings?

Nonsense.

You'll stop here,

of course.

That's very handsome of you,

Lord Easterfield,

to take Luke in like that.

I shall be quite envious.

EASTERFIELD:

You're not staying?

Oh, Luke, don't forget

about Ascot.

Mama's got us places

in the Royal Enclosure.

The Royal Enclosure?

I say, I don't

suppose you'd...

You see, Mama's having

a little party afterwards.

Jimmy,

I can't stay here.

JIMMY:

No, anyway, so dreary, these parties.

All those crowned heads

elbowing one.

My dear boy,

of course he shall stay.

He must stay.

You'll stay.

That was

a very nice dinner.

EASTERFIELD:

All right, Avery, I'll lock up later.

BRIDGET:

You going up, Gordon?

Yeah, I've got to review

the article assignments,

but, uh, show Mr., uh...

To his room.

Thank you.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Gordon's so...

serious about his work.

He owns

a few weekly newspapers.

Well, he seems to know

what he's doing.

Oh, yes.

One's not made a lord

for nothing, you know.

He really is a man

of a great many gifts.

[]

Except, perhaps,

in the aesthetics department.

Hmm.

Oh, there's no accounting

for taste, is there?

Well, they're all

rather... interesting.

[LAUGHS]

Abominable

is more like it.

But Gordon will redecorate.

He's renovated the whole place,

bit by bit,

since he took it over

from my family.

You don't mind?

Would it matter?

Anyway, it was

a long time ago.

They're Gordon's.

Perhaps they'll do till

your friend sends your things.

Oh, oh, sure.

It's fine, fine.

I like the room.

Used to be mine.

I'm down the hall now.

Oh, then,

you do live here?

I mean,

you're his secretary and...

And his fiance,

as well.

Ah.

And now you're wondering

if it's usual

to live in the house

of one's fianc.

I'm sorry.

I have a big mouth.

I'm afraid you'll be

on your own tomorrow.

Gordon and I leave early

for London.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[EXHALES]

[]

[DOOR OPENS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

LAVINIA:

And so long asno one suspects you,

murder is easy.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

What the hell are you doing?

Hop in.

No, thanks,

I sort of like being alive.

You're quite safe.

I never have accidents.

Huh.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Decided to stay and help.

How's the research coming?

I was just

in the village,

and I learned something.

Village folk are

suspicious of strangers.

That's why you need my help.

I know, we'll simply say

you're my cousin,

all right?

Oh, please, I don't want

to bore you with all this.

Well, I expect

to be bored.

It's...

It's de rigueur.

I am in training

to be lady of the manor.

I gather there have been

several funerals lately.

Yes, it is rather odd,

so many accidents.

Let's see,

there was Harry Carter.

He was drowned in the river.

Owned the pub.

[LAUGHS]

Naturally, Gordon said

he deserved it

for being not only a drunk,

but a socialist.

And Tommy Pierce

fell out of a window.

And Dr. Humbleby?

Fancy dying from a scratch.

Oh, of course,

Miss Fullerton.

Another accident.

Well, perhaps she doesn't count,

as she was killed in London.

By a reckless driver.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

LUKE:

What are we doing back here?

I thought you were

going to help me.

Really, I don't understand

why you didn't come here

in the first place.

It's his own museum.

A hobby.

Miss Waynflete,

the curator,

knows absolutely

everything.

Hello.

Miss Waynflete.

[SNEEZES]

Miss Waynflete?

I've brought you

Luke Williams,

a sort of cousin

of mine.

Oh, oh, yes.

I saw you at poor Lavinia's

funeral, didn't I?

[SNEEZES]

I've got

a dreadful cold.

Caught it from

my housemaid, Amy.

You should

take care of that.

I know,

but I wanted to take care

of this new exhibit instead,

though I can't see

what Lord Easterfield

had as in his mind.

But he's so keen

on modernizing.

He must have brought

these things

from that laboratory

he visited.

WAYNFLETE:

It made me quite shiver

just to hear him

describe it.

All those deadly germs

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