Murder of a Cat

It's Milton Bradley.

Okay, thanks.

This stuff sucks.

All right, kid,

you want to see top-shelf quality?

I'm gonna show you

my own personal line, okay?

This is between you and me.

I'm still in the copyrighting stage.

What I'm about to show you

is for your eyes only.

Doghouse series. This is Doghouse Reilly.

Age, unknown. Eye color, cobalt.

Hair, forest gold.

Build, smoker's athletic.

Occupation, trillionaire detective.

Sounds lame.

You're lame, kid.

Doghouse would punch out

your whole family for that remark.

Is that cat for sale?

Is that a real question?

He's on the table.

So is your hand. Are you for sale?

No, you're not, so please remove it

and yourself from my lawn.

- Loser.

- Doll-kisser.

Clinton, what did you say to that boy?

Just a business disagreement.

Ma... Ma, we're gonna be late.

You're seeing this, right?

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

This is not normal.

He's not himself anymore.

He's sleeping all the time.

He's eating less.

He just stares blankly off into space.

He's been disappearing for days at a time.

And look at his hair.

Something's wrong with his hair.

It looks like it's falling out.

I think for a 17-year-old cat,

he appears quite healthy.

- Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure.

Just...

The truth is, doc,

things haven't been so good lately.

Nothing makes him happy anymore.

It's like his will and spirit are gone.

- You know I'm a veterinarian?

- Right.

I think you should consult a psychiatrist.

They have those for cats now?

Okay, Ma, we've got to make an appointment

with Dr. Sloane in Petaluma.

This is why you've got

to get your license, hon.

I'm talking about Mouser's well-being,

and you're bugging me

about a driver's license.

It's unbelievable, Ma.

- What are you doing?

- I need a few things.

We're just gonna stop

at Ford's Megastore for a minute.

You know very well

it's against everything I stand for.

Not this time. I really don't care.

He killed my business, Ma.

Now I'm stuck running a yard sale

like a common clown.

You had a corner comics store

that lasted, what, six months?

You didn't even make a cent.

What does Ford's Megastore

have to do with anything?

This coming from my number-one investor.

You've changed, Ma.

I said that you were... okay.

Hey, honey, I'm off.

Uh, mac and cheese is in the fridge.

Okay, thanks, Mom.

Do you smell gasoline?

That's perfume, Clinton.

What's that? Lipstick?

You're not going on a date, are you?

What, I can't dress up?

Not that it's any of your business.

I'm just trying to protect you from

the douchebags you seem to attract.

- "The douchebags"?

- Scumbags, dirtbags...

all the bags.

As you know,

I haven't had a date in years.

That's hilarious.

What...

What? No, not you, Mom, the show.

I was laughing at the show. Tony Danza.

Hi, everybody. I'm Al Ford.

Come on down to the Megastore,

where you steal from us!

Home barbecues... we're on fire.

Sporting goods... you betcha.

Toys for kids? Dude!

So come on down

to Ford's Megastore, where...

You steal from us!

Hey, buddy.

Can you believe that a**hole?

What are you doing? Hey, buddy.

What are you doing?

What are you always doing up here, huh?

Come here.

Come on.

What's going on with you, huh?

I'm worried about you.

Mundhra says you need a shrink.

Hey, buddy.

Mouser?

What the hell?

Oh, are you kidding me?

Come on. Ah. Ma?

Ma, what happened?

I'm so sorry, honey.

Ma...

What's going on? Hey, hey, hey.

Mouser?

Mouser! What... what happened?

What happened? What happened?

Did anyone see what happened?

Wait, no... no one saw anything?

Just step back! Step back!

Give him room to breathe.

Oh, no, Mom!

Ma... Mom, what...

Mouser.

Mouser, boy.

...been here all night. I can't tell...

I can't believe none of these people

called you guys sooner,

not to mention,

you could've arrived here sooner,

but you should probably question

some of these neighbors.

I think when Molly

at dispatch got the call,

there was at first an assumption

that it was a crank call.

Sir, why don't we step over here?

Can you tell me about last night?

What did you do, what did you see?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Um, I...

I watched four episodes

of "Who's the Boss?"

No, five, ac... five.

Uh, I ate dinner,

macaroni and cheese, Kraft.

Um...

Did you see or hear anything?

No, no.

Any enemies that you know of

or recent threats of any kind?

No, no. Mouser was very well-liked.

I meant you.

Oh. Um, no. None whatsoever.

Okay.

Thank you.

W... what... what, that's it?

Well, I'll file a report,

and we'll hope for the best.

"Hope for the best"?

There's an arrow sticking out of my cat!

I'm sorry, sir.

Aren't you going to take

some crime-scene photos?

Take some DNA samples?

Where... where's are the lab guys?

All right, let's just take it easy, bud.

My cat was clearly murdered,

So, no, I will not "take it easy, bud"!

You... Mom, wha...

- What the... hey, get the...

- Excuse me, sir.

Can we have a few words with you?

We're with the local news.

Is there something you'd like to say?

Um...

yes, yes, yes, yes.

My best friend was murdered today,

and I demand justice!

End quote.

Clinton?

Clinton?

Clinton?

Not again.

Clinton, will you please

come down from there?

I'm having a vigil.

- A vigil.

- Yes. A candlelight vigil.

Couldn't you have it inside?

Or maybe just at a safer height?

Side socket by the window, please.

Okay, will you come down now?

Clinton!

Shut that sh*t off!

Oh, did you sleep on the roof again?

- What is that?

- Oh, it's nothing.

Well, why are you hiding it?

I'm not. It's nothing.

I just haven't finished reading it yet.

Let me see it. Ma?

- Honey!

- Let me have it! I saw my face!

Oh, for heaven's sake.

They called me "a harmless oddball"?

Honey, I think that it was

meant to be endearing.

They say Mouser was last seen

when I was "staging a garage sale"?

I wasn't staging anything.

It was an actual goddamn garage sale!

And he wasn't "found dead,"

he was murdered!

This is bullshit! Nobody cares!

Well, Frank cares.

Who the hell is Frank?

Sheriff Hoyle.

Oh, come on.

Store's closed indefinitely, kid.

I got other business to attend to.

What do you want, kid?

Your cat? I saw him.

What do you know?

20? 20... 20 what? What... what... 20?

- What is this 20?

- Bucks.

Oh, come... I'm not giving you

20 bucks, you little weasel.

Hey! Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Okay.

I got... $10.36.

Okay, now you want it.

Follow me.

Hey.

Trevor, God damn it!

Here.

Here.

"Here" what?

I saw him.

Dragging himself with the arrow

sticking out of him and all.

Why didn't you help him?

I didn't know what to do.

You don't see that every day...

a cat with an arrow out of it.

Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where are you going?

I've got to go to

the pool with my brother.

Yeah, you... you go synchronize swim

while I solve a murder!

What the... Mouser.

Mouser.

"I answer to Horatio"? What the...

"172 Hope's Crest."

Hope's Crest? Hope's Crest?

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