Murder of a Cat Page #2

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Mouser.

Horatio?

Hor... Horatio?

Holy hell! Oh, my God!

What the hell were you

doing in my closet, you pervert?

Were you jerking off in there?

No, no! Good God, no!

- I'm calling the police.

- Wait.

Don't move.

I will whack your balls with my flute.

Jeez, no! I didn't break in, okay?

The door was open.

So you just pranced right in, you freak?

- I am not some kind...

- Hey, hey!

Aah! Aah!

What is that?

Is that my... is that my flyer?

Yes! Yes!

And I want to know why

there's a picture of my cat on it,

not to mention all over your walls!

- What?

- You sick... no, just skip it.

Skip it. I know what you did.

Why don't you put some clothes on,

'cause I'm calling the police?

- I'm calling the police! Don't move!

- Give me the phone!

- You stay back.

- Give me your phone!

Yeah, there's an intruder

in my home, a sexual predator.

No, there's a murderer here!

You're gonna pay for this, you pet-hunter!

He was jerking off

in there while I... hey!

What the... Jesus!

Yeah, get out of here!

Okay, just get here as soon as you can.

Yeah, I'm armed.

Hey, Morgan, come on!

You kids know better than that.

Hello? Hello! Out of the way!

Hey, Clinton, will you...

Whoa, whoa! Stop the car! Police business!

Get out of the street!

I found the killer.

You're absolutely sure about this?

Yes, I'm sure.

She struck me with a lead pipe. Look.

Was there a mark there, or...

I don't see anything.

Just let me do the talking, okay?

Calm down.

Okay, don't let her get in your head.

- Finally you show up.

- Excuse me?

Wait, that's the guy!

Cuff her, Hoyle. She's got a weapon.

All right, what is going on here

with you two?

This perv broke into my house,

watched me change,

and then masturbated on my clothes.

What the... no! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I was looking for evidence.

There was no masturbation.

Why do you keep s... you pervert!

- You broke in to her apartment?

- No, the door was unlocked.

That's not important. She's a murderer.

She killed Mouser.

What the hell are you talking about?

I didn't kill any mice.

The proof is on the walls!

Look. Look, right there!

She lured Mouser in with her cheap bribes

and her fancy cat food

and then pulled the trigger.

Or the bow. His picture's right there!

That's Horatio, my cat.

Ma'am, is your cat here right now?

Yeah! Yeah, smart. Where is Horatio?

Uh, no. Uh...

he's been missing for, like, a week,

but he disappears from time to time, so...

Oh, bullshit!

- Whoa, whoa!

- You...

I think I know what's going on here, okay?

You two owned the same cat.

He was moonlighting.

What... what do you mean, "owned"?

But that's impossible.

Past tense?

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, ma'am,

but, uh, Horatio/Mouser

was found dead yesterday.

Ma'am, I know this is

a difficult moment, but, uh,

would you mind if I take a quick look

around the apartment?

- No.

- Thank you.

Clinton, wait in the car.

- I'm here if you need me.

- Wait in the car.

So let me get this straight...

you're not gonna do one thing, then?

I mean, not a damn thing?

How did you even get that badge, man?

You're a quitter.

Okay, first of all,

there is not a shred of actual evidence

that that girl had anything

to do with this crime, Clinton.

Second of all,

this is a police matter, okay?

For police personnel.

What are you trying to tell me?

Look, I'm... I'm gonna turn a blind eye

to the whole breaking-and-entering fiasco,

but you've got to stop.

No more detective games, okay?

I mean, we're talking about a cat, right?

It's not the Lindbergh baby.

That cat was my best friend.

Hey, a**hole.

What are you doing here?

How'd you find my house?

I looked up "dick hole"

in the white pages.

Whoa, hey, don't you try anything.

My mom is inside.

God, you're a real p*ssy when you

don't have a cop to hide behind.

Why'd you do it?

Will you stop with that?

Show me my cat.

No, no, no, no. Not a chance.

Whoa, whoa.

What are you doing? Just...

Ow! Ow!

Hey! What the hell's wrong with you?

Horatio...

"Mouser," right?

Yep.

This is nice...

this burial here.

Thank you.

This... this was his favorite tree.

Is this supposed to be Horatio?

Oh...

Smoking a cigarette?

That is a work in progress.

No one's supposed to see this, okay?

The cigarette can come out, by the way.

It just depends on which version

you buy, adult or children.

I have a toy line.

You have a toy line?

Well, technically "lines"

delineated by different worlds

and characters.

Can we just stay on task?

This is the murder weapon.

Be very careful.

You should be wearing gloves.

Mm. There's bite marks.

He was trying to pull it out.

Who would do something like this?

I don't know, but I'm starting to think

it was some kind of crazed Apache.

They sell these at Ford's.

Ford's Megastore?

Yeah.

I used to be an assistant manager there.

They have a whole archery section.

Please. I can't hear any more.

I never thought I'd have

to set foot in that store.

Let's roll.

Oh, do you have a car

or just a way to get there?

Otherwise, I should ask my mom.

Oh! Whoa!

Is this thing road-safe?

So you live with your mom?

God, that's brutal.

It's actually a business decision,

if you must know.

I run a small enterprise out of my home.

My mother is an investor and the C.F.O.

It's a live-work space.

My bedroom is also an office

and an efficient repair shop.

- Jesus.

- By the way, you're one to talk.

You live with a bunch of geriatrics.

I get a really good deal on rent

in exchange for cutting everyone's hair.

And anyway, I like old people.

They're nice.

They're peaceful.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

I just haven't been here since I quit.

Come on.

Greta Chuplinski.

Back from retirement.

Am I that irresistible?

Eat my balls, Yi.

You know where this came from?

Can't you see I'm on break?

Oh, howdy. How can I help you two?

You know where this arrow came from?

Well, that's not an arrow, that is a bolt.

A bolt?

Yes, a bolt, for a crossbow.

It looks like an arrow,

but it's significantly heavier,

has vastly different

flight characteristics.

This one in particular

belongs to the Sure Shot 5000 series.

Show it to me.

It's a quality crossbow.

Manufactured in China.

Guangzhou, I believe.

Is this a popular model?

Actually, Sure Shot's a fledgling company.

We're the only ones

in the country who carry it.

But she's a real beaut, though.

I mean, it's a fine bow.

Look at the craftsmanship on this baby.

Titanium barrel, nickel inlay.

She's a true shot. Packs a real wallop.

You could take down a rabbit

at full stride from 100 feet.

Pow! I mean, not "pow,"

'cause it's a crossbow, but "pfft!"

My cat was murdered with that thing.

- My cat, too.

- Two cats?

No, one cat, two owners.

One cat, two cat, three cat, blue cat!

Does it matter?

He's dead, and the blood is on your hands!

Please, sir!

- Who'd you sell it to?

- Excuse me?

Who'd you sell the murder

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