Must Love Dogs Page #2
- Hey. | - Benched.
I'll be right with you.
- Hi. Can I help you? | - Single chicken breast, please.
For an extra 75 cents, | you can get the whole fryer here.
Two breasts, two thighs and a wing.
Thank you. I don't know | when I'd eat all that.
- It's just an extra 75 cents. | - It's not the 75 cents.
I hate to see food go bad.
We got a hundred recipes. | You can cook them, freeze them and...
Look, listen to me, mister. | I'm divorced, okay?
I eat alone, | usually standing over the sink.
I don't want chicken | hanging around, okay?
- Okay. | - Thank you.
Hey. There she is.
- Good morning. How are you? | - Good morning.
I called you last night | to see if you were up for a movie...
...or bowling or group shampooing. | - I'm sorry. Eric's parents are in town.
Mr. and Mrs. Stalin. | I'm under house arrest.
- Weren't they just here? | - Thank you.
I don't know why they can't stay at | a hotel. Nothing I do makes them happy.
And they make Eric so nervous, | he's like the Tin Man.
You have to hang in there, Leo. | You and Eric are my model...
...for a successful relationship. | - I fear for you, child.
Anyone have anything exciting | happen this weekend to share?
Uncles and aunts | are very important to us, aren't they?
He's not really my uncle, | but my mommy makes me call him that.
When he's there, I can't sleep with | my mommy because he's in her bed.
Anyone else have anything | they'd like to share?
Yes, Austin.
My parents are trying it | apart for a while.
- We have a theme, June. | - Yes, we do.
And Mom says my dad is incorrigible. | That means he likes other women.
Good.
One, two.
Let me try.
That's a hop.
One, two, that's a new step. | Very good.
- Molly, you wanna try the sticks? | - Yeah, come on, Molly.
Very good. Keep it going like that.
- Watch. | - No, I'm doing it.
Austin!
Good Lord, it's a gusher.
Let me see your teeth.
- Hey, bubba. | - Look who's here.
Daddy!
- Are you all right? | - Yep, I'm fine.
He had a decent bloody nose | for a while, but he's fine now.
- You didn't have to rush right over. | - A kid bleeds, I show up. It's house rules.
- You wanna get your stuff together now? | - Yeah.
- Then I need a minute alone with Ms. Nolan. | - Okay. Bye, Ms. Nolan.
Bye.
No. No. No.
So, Ms. Nolan...
- Sarah, please. | - And I'm Bob.
Actually, everybody calls me Bobby.
I've been trying to change it | since third grade.
I'm a pushover for Bobbys...
...ever since my first boyfriend, | Bobby Healy, just...
You know?
I forget, is it "always discuss your personal | history with parents" or "never discuss"?
It's "always discuss." | Besides, I find it comforting.
So has Austin told you | anything about...?
- About you and... | - Yeah.
That you're taking a break from | your marriage and you're incorrigible.
That phrasing came from his mother.
- I wouldn't have put it that way, but... | - I'm sorry.
If there's anything you think | I need to know, tell me.
- I will. | - Sometimes with Austin, you can forget.
- Because he seems so mature. | - I know.
The other day he asked | about my retirement plan.
Well, he cares about you, and he | wants you to be financially secure.
You know Austin adores you. | I can see why.
- Thank you, Bob. | - I might prefer Bobby after all.
I mean, I like the... | I like the history.
Two guys alone in the afternoon | watching "Doctor Zhivago".
- There's something gravely wrong here. | - It's all there, man.
The yearning, the suffering, | a woman you'll pursue...
...through blizzards, across continents.
A love so real, | even after you're dead it still hurts.
- That's all I want. | - You need to get out.
- You do. You need to see real people. | - You wanna watch it again?
No. I want to go out. Come on, | I previewed some Internet ads for us.
Internet ads? Come on, | I want Zhivago's Internet ad:
"Tragic doctor/poet | in desperate pain seeks...
...like-minded playmate | for long snowshoe across Eurasia."
What do you bet he gets | a hundred responses?
We'll start with bisexual | Asian women who fly-fish.
- No Internet ads. | - This is for you. I hate to fly-fish.
- No, you don't. | - What about Sherry?
- I gave you her number. You never called. | - Sherry?
Sherry's 24. Her range of interest | extends from kickboxing to Tae Bo.
She slept with half the guys | in my office.
Then why do you want | to set me up with her?
She slept with half the guys | in my office.
She's in her early 20s. You know | the epic narrative I talked about?
Hers would not only be secret, | it would be incoherent.
I wouldn't get past the cover page.
I mean, I'm looking | for something more than Sherry.
"Hopelessly romantic, | young 50s widower...
...seeks lady friend who enjoys | the slow bloom of affection.
Loves dogs, children | and long, meandering bike rides.
I will be carrying | a single yellow rose."
- I gotta meet this guy. | - Where are your boob shirts?
- My what? | - Your boob shirts.
- Don't worry, I brought some of mine. | - Oh, boob shirts.
- I can't wear that. | - Okay, I have some dating tips for you.
I got them from "Sports Illustrated". | Solid gold.
Yes, that's always been my bible | for personal relationships.
- Your sister has gone to a lot of trouble. | - Okay.
"One, maintain eye contact.
But be sure it isn't too intense. | You aren't a hawk eyeing its prey."
Good that you told me. | I might have done my hawk thing.
"Two, men respond sexually when | they think women are excited by them."
- Really? | - "The more you like what you see...
...the more your pupils | will open wide to take it all in."
Open your pupils.
Oh, my God.
- I'm dating again. I can't do this! | - It's okay. Come on.
- No, you'll be fine, it's okay. | - It'll be fun.
What if he wants to have sex? | What if I want to?
You don't understand. It's been | a long time, Christine. I could freak out.
What if I can't control myself?
You're meeting for muffins | in a public place. I think you'll be safe.
- Dad? | - Sarah.
My darling girl.
Darling, don't you put | the sunshine to shame.
What are you doing here?
That's a fine how-do-you-do | from one of my favorite daughters.
I'm sorry, it's just that I'm meeting a... | Why do you have a yellow...?
- Is that a rose? | - It is a rose, if the truth be told.
But by any other name...
- And it's for a lady friend, isn't it? | - That is, in fact, the very purpose.
- No! | - Now, Sarah, come on.
It is a natural course of this life that | your dad would have a lady friend by now.
I feel your mother whispering her | approval to me every day.
And would this lady friend | be someone who might enjoy...
...the slow bloom of affection, perhaps?
That would be grand, yes.
I'm your date, Dad.
I am. I answered | my own father's personal ad.
Don't laugh. It's not funny!
It shows I brought you up to know | the diamond from the riffraff.
A young 50, Dad? You're 71.
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"Must Love Dogs" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/must_love_dogs_14279>.
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