Must Love Dogs Page #7

- I didn't have the heart to tell him. | - That would've been cruel.

He comes to me for advice. | He thinks I'm very mature.

We're pinned.

- You're on this, aren't you? | - PerfectMatch. com.

- What, just one site? | - Yeah.

Honey, you gotta put more bets | on the table.

I'm on at least 10. You get to try out | different personalities.

Like here. I say:

"I'm into opera, antiques, | poetry in the original Greek."

And on this one:

"I like to skydive, ride motorcycles | and enjoy rodeo."

But you don't do any of those things.

It's an ad. It's like those cars that say | they get 30 miles to the gallon.

I mean, who knows.

You just want someone | to take you out for a test drive.

I'm not comfortable advertising myself | this way.

Honey, when you get to be my age | and approaching your expiration date...

...it pays to advertise. | This baby never sleeps.

It's working for me 24 hours a day, | God bless its little Pentium-chip heart.

So tell me about your ex.

Kevin. He's a fireman.

And cute. Very, very cute.

I have the calendars.

We met when I was dating | all my brothers' friends.

My first two husbands were friends | of my brother Dave.

Both of them bastards. | But then, so was my brother Dave.

Things seemed to be going according | to plan with me and Kevin.

We had our work, we got a house, | then it was time to have kids.

But he was never ready.

I was 34. Then 35, then 36.

Then instead of children, Kevin decided | to have Veronica. Ronnie.

Chatty as hell and 15 years younger.

They got married two months ago.

Did I mention that she's pregnant?

Go get it.

Hey.

- What are you doing in the real world? | - Dogsitting. My brother and his wife...

...are at marriage counseling. They don't | want her to know they're having trouble.

You're a dog guy.

You kidding me? I'm half Labrador. | Throw that ball. See who gets it.

- I found him. I found the one I want! | - Austin.

- I found my puppy! | - You did?

- I'm getting a puppy! | - You are? That's amazing!

- It's so exciting! | - I'm so happy for you.

- Let's go get him! | - We'll be right behind you, bubba.

- Thought it'd be good for him. | - Great idea. Yeah.

I was gonna ask you | if you thought he was too young.

- But it's a good age, right? | - I think so. Yes.

- A boy needs a dog, right? | - Absolutely.

Who else is gonna eat | his vegetables for him?

I can't tell you what it means to me | that Austin's so happy in school.

He's just lucky to have you in his life.

We both are.

I found him, Dad. I found my puppy. | Come on in, he wants to kiss you!

Oh, I think you're gonna need | a bigger trailer.

- Hello? | - So I know our dates aren't beginning...

...or ending well, | but I find the middle intriguing.

- Well, it's not dull, is it? | - That's a good thing, right?

So, what do you say? | You want to get together?

You really want to give it | one more shot with me? Why?

Are you kidding me? You're this whole | new style, this whole new system.

Vivid grammar of eroticism.

of attributes. My Halley's comet.

Do you write this stuff down?

No, that actually came out | of my head.

Sometimes I use notes.

Hold on. Someone's at the door.

- Dolly, what a surprise. | - I'm in trouble, Sarah. I need help.

Hello? Sarah, is everything okay? Sarah.

She can't talk now. | It's an emergency.

It's Jeremy from San Diego. He's here.

- I don't see why this is a problem. | - Well, for one thing, you are 17, and she's...

- Forty-one. | - Yeah, but those are just numbers.

Look at Justin Timberlake | and Cameron Diaz.

She's gotta be what, 100?

Oh, come on, Jeremy, be nice. | She's probably the same age as me.

Some people go their whole lives | looking for their soul mate.

And I found mine when I was 15. | Sue me.

Fifteen? You said you were 17.

- Dude, it is so not cool to lie to me. | - I'm sorry.

I didn't think you'd take me seriously | if you thought I was a kid.

Of course I take you seriously.

You're a wonderful boy, honey. | And we can always be friends.

But just friends. You know that.

- Okay. | - And there's something else.

I'm not really 41.

I'm 43.

Do your homework.

I couldn't bring myself to go over 50. | It wouldn't have been fair to him.

- Good night. | - Night.

- Thank you, Sarah. | - Anytime.

Sarah. Hi.

I was in the trailer-hood. | I thought I might stop by.

Oh, good.

Sarah? Is that you?

- Sarah! Hi! | - June?

- I didn't know you were... | - No. This is good. We're all here.

We can have a conference.

Oh, I'll just go home now and go to bed | and maybe stay there forever.

Sarah has a friend | who lives practically next door.

That's cool. I love weird, | huge coincidences.

- Yeah. | - Sure you don't want to come in?

We opened a bottle of wine.

Oh, I think I'd rather die, | but thank you. Yeah.

- Hi. | - Hey. Jennifer kicked us out.

- Both of us. | - Oh, Mikey.

God, I'm so sorry.

- She'll come around. | - I told him it's the holidays.

People are under a lot of stress.

I love this guy. I do. I love him.

- I love him. | - We've been talking.

We've been here a while.

- You all right? | - Yeah.

- Let's go. | - Come on, Mother Teresa.

- I hope it's okay that I stopped by. | - Oh, yes. Of course it is.

I'm so glad you did.

We were talking on the phone, | everything was going well...

...and then some strange woman said | "emergency" and hung up.

I called and no one answered, | so I was a little worried.

- I think it's very sweet, Jake. | - It's just a false alarm?

- Definitely a false alarm. | - Good.

No, my father's friend, | she got into a little bit of trouble...

...and I had to help her out, | and so I went over there for a while.

And after that | I just drove around a while.

Alone. I was alone. And...

- Yeah, alone by yourself, sure. | - Yeah.

Well, anyway, the reason | I stopped by...

...was I wanted to invite you out | on my boat.

- I don't think that's such a good idea. | - Yes, it is.

No, because I...

Boats are still on the water, right?

I hope so, otherwise I wasted | a lot of time designing the hull.

Yeah, actually, they're aquatic.

- Well, I don't even know how to row. | - I'll teach you.

- I'd love to teach you how to row. | - Okay. How?

A challenge.

- We'll have a lesson right now. Okay? | - Okay.

So the thing about rowing | is just you gotta relax, first of all.

And then it's all about rhythm, | balance...

- Rhythm and balance. | ...and timing.

- Watch those oars, pal. | - Okay.

- And rhythm and timing, see? | - Balance and rhythm.

- See, it's not that bad, is it? | - No, I like rowing.

Then you want to make sure you get, | you know, your hair out of the way.

That's gotta hurt.

- Michael? | - You okay, pal?

Oh, no. Don't stop what you're doing. | I was on my way out.

Easy there, Tex.

- Where are you going? | - Oh, I just spoke to Jennifer.

Everything's great. I got the couch, | the dog's gonna stay.

You should stay here too. | You shouldn't be driving.

- I'll drive him home. Okay? | - Yeah.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote