Must Love Dogs Page #6

- Yeah. | - Yeah.

That's all right. If the magic's gone, | that implies there was once magic.

Not bad for a first date.

- Second date. | - Second date. This is great.

- I had a great time. | - Me too.

So...

...good night.

- You still have to drive me home, though. | - Right. Because you don't live here.

Hello.

Don't worry, it's just me. I'm in | the kitchen. Filled your freezer again.

There's now enough meat | to feed every guy...

...who answered your ad and still...

- Jake Anderson, my sister Carol. | - Hi.

- Hi. | - Jake did, in fact, answer the ad.

Do I get my meat?

Thank you.

Sorry to scare him away.

It's okay. I think we both realized | it wasn't going to happen tonight.

What's the matter? He's so cute.

I don't know. We had a great night. | Laughing, really talking.

You had a guy talking | and you let him escape?

I'm not sure I actually understood | a lot of what he said.

Doesn't matter. He spoke.

And are we talking full sentences here | or just grunting?

He's quite emotional. | I know more about him than Kevin.

An emotional man who likes to talk.

- This is a mythical figure, Sarah. | - I don't think I'm ready for him.

He's looking for the whole dance | and I'm just relearning the steps.

What happened exactly? | Come on, tell me.

- Leave nothing out. | - Okay.

We really connected | at the restaurant, like I said.

But then, where do you go from there? | How much baba ganoush can you have?

Then we started making out, | which was like being in 11 th grade.

Then neither one of us had a condom, | which I think reflects some ambivalence.

I'm just not cut out for this. | Life in the fast lane.

Fast lane? You're not even | on the on-ramp.

- But these people seem happy. | - Of course they do. They have a condom.

Marc and I couldn't find a condom once. | Wanna know what we used?

- No. | - Saran Wrap.

Thanks for that image which will | stay in my brain for the rest of my life.

It was sexy in a "Good Housekeeping" | kind of way.

I'll never be able to wrap | leftovers again.

- Did it work? | - Maeve was born nine months...

...and one day later.

I don't wanna just do random dating, | Carol. I wanna be in love.

I wanna wake up next to someone | and see them smile.

Do the whole Sunday breakfast thing, | go out and get the paper.

Stay in bed together all day.

Wouldn't we all?

Man, this is absolutely gorgeous. I love | this. I can't believe you built it yourself.

Yeah, handcrafted. Hand-carved.

I hope you'll find | that it's more than a boat.

It's a time machine.

- I love it. I want it. I'll take it. | - Great.

Did you race a lot in college?

I don't plan to race it. | Could you cut it in half for me?

- Excuse me? | - Yeah, cut it in half lengthwise.

I think it would be easier | to mount on the wall that way.

You want to mount the boat?

Yeah. I thought I'd put it in the den. | It'd look great above my big screen.

You know, I think maybe you should go | to IKEA and buy a canoe.

It's not for sale in that way.

- He's kidding, right? | - Wouldn't that be nice.

I've had this dream | that it'll end up wet.

It's just not for sale in that way | at this time. Ever, really.

Okay. Well, if you change your mind, | I really do want it.

Yeah, if I change my personality, | I'll let you know what I become.

- Okay. | - Thanks so much.

- Nice guy. | - Stanley owes me a big favor.

- It was a guaranteed sale. | - So what?

Right. You can afford to be picky. | You sold...

...let's see, no boats. No boats at all.

You worry too much. | You really do.

You're in a good mood. | That must have been some date.

Charlie, you should have | seen this girl.

She's shy, she's fragile, | she's self-conscious.

She has no idea how beautiful she is. | She's a mess. It's fantastic.

The evening didn't end up great, | but there were moments in there...

...where we were completely | and utterly ourselves.

I was completely psychotic, | but she was completely lovely.

Are you thinking about completely | closing the sale any time soon?

I tell you about a night | with an unusual woman...

...and you turn it | into a business transaction.

We're not selling real estate here.

- And if we were selling real estate? | - We'd be in escrow this weekend.

I see Dad's not alone.

Never. Not our dad.

I'm not calling any of them Mom, | I'll tell you that.

- What is the new one's name again? | - I believe that is Marlene.

There's a Linda, | but I don't think that's her.

- That's Dorothy. | - Well, who knew.

Hi there.

Aunt Eileen.

- You look wonderful. | - Thank you, dear.

You look fine too, considering.

We never liked Kevin. | We couldn't say anything, but we knew.

- That's so sweet. | - I hear you're not seeing anyone.

Is that wise? With the clock ticking? | Because I have someone special for you.

Casey Donovan. | Handsome, smart, single.

- Aunt Eileen. | - Yes?

He's my first cousin.

This is a fine day for the Nolan family, | I tell you.

For my son, Bill Jr.

And young Ryan here, | the confirmation boy.

And old Bill here.

I'd like to do a poem, if I may.

To commemorate the occasion.

Who do you think he'll go with?

- Tennyson. | - Browning.

- Brown Penny.

By William Butler Yeats.

Who knows her daddy?

I whispered, "I am too young"

And then, "I am old enough"

To find out if I might love.

If the lady be young and fair. "

Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny

I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing

There is nobody wise enough

To find out all that is in it

Till the stars had run away

And the shadows eaten the moon.

Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny

One cannot begin it too soon.

- So good to see you, Aunt Eileen. | - It's always a pleasure.

- Mother Teresa! | - Mother Teresa. No. Stop. Michael!

It's okay. I don't mind.

- She doesn't mind. | - That's not the point.

She actually likes dogs. And me. | She just forgets.

- Bye. | - Sarah. Darling.

Some pressing business has come up...

...and I was hoping you'd ferry | Dolly home for me.

- Okay. Sure, Dad. | - I don't mind staying.

You're a sweetheart. Both of you.

So, what do you think | of my competition?

I don't really wanna discuss | my father's...

Oh, it's okay. It's okay. I know. | A woman always knows.

Not always.

- Your guy go younger? | - Yeah.

They always go younger, don't they?

It does seem to trend that way, | doesn't it?

When they're 80, they want 60. | When they're 60, they want 40.

When they're 80, they want 40. | And they get it.

Goddamn supply and demand.

We ought to kill the guy | who thought that one up.

- So you didn't see it coming, huh? | - No, I thought we were happy.

Maybe not "happy" happy, | but, you know, satisfied.

I thought we were happy three times.

Got a live one.

You gotta come take a look at this.

I love this Internet. | It's part fantasy, part community.

And you get to pay your bills naked.

They don't stress that enough | as a selling point.

It's Jeremy in San Diego.

He thinks I'm 16. | He inverted the numbers in my age.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote