Must Love Dogs Page #5

Where did we get these bad attitudes, | you think?

- The nuns? | - Yeah, that works.

Let's blame the nuns. | Can I say one more thing?

You love me. I know.

I do.

I mean, I was really bad. | She did not see my A game.

Sounds like she didn't see | your B or C game.

I'm gonna call her again. | I want to ask her out. I need a mulligan.

Dog threw me. | I mean, the sun was in my eyes.

Pick someone else, start over.

No, this girl, there's something | special about this girl.

You know the expression | "she took my breath away"?

I mean, she did. I actually gasped. | I'm off the bench, man.

Think she'll see you again? | I wouldn't.

You're not nice. | Like, you're not a nice person.

- Hi, June. | - Hey, June.

- Hi, June. | - Hey, June.

Need more cupcakes. | All the dads are staying for the party.

- What's up with that? | - I have no idea.

Every Halloween it's the same thing.

But I guess it's great how involved | they are in their kids' world. Isn't it?

- Yeah. | - Yeah.

Why don't you and Eric come over.

I'll rent a hopelessly romantic movie. | We can all hold hands together and cry.

Sounds fun, but we can't.

It's our anniversary, and we always | spend it just the two of us.

Sweet.

Seven years ago tonight, | we met at my parents' house.

They were trying to fix Eric up | with my sister.

Sorry we're late.

Austin drives so slow.

I hope my family | wasn't embarrassing last night.

Oh, no. Not at all. They do seem | a little bit involved in your life.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Austin's mom's from a large family.

That's a lot of people | that don't speak to me.

- Thimbleful of juice? | - Sure. But just one.

- To good teachers. | - To good dads.

To good teachers | who are also very beautiful.

To good dads who | are dangerously cute and charming.

There you go.

There's an attraction here, Sarah. | You can't deny it.

- I'm not. I'm trying to ignore it. | - Why?

Well, for one, Austin is my student.

Two, we're in the puppet closet.

- Couldn't we go out in the real world? | - I'm not so good in the real world.

I was looking at the handbook, | under "dating, parents and teachers."

- Nothing. There's nothing there. | - Sarah.

We need the emergency pants. | It's an emergency.

Emergency pants. | Come on, sweetie.

Hey, babe, my name is Ron.

5'7", 161 pounds...

... give or take a piece of pizza.

Call me, you won't be sorry.

Hi, Sarah, it's Lennie.

I had a wonderful time, and I'm...

I'll call back.

the idiot from the dog park.

to see how you respond...

... to crazy people, and you passed.

each other again.

You want to give me another chance?

I had a couple of icebreakers.

I even had a few stories for you, | anecdotes, but I forgot them all.

- I think it might be that dress. | - My sister Carol made me buy it.

I love Carol.

- Well, this is a very charming place. | - Yeah.

- Good food? | - No, not particularly.

But I like the ambiance.

I come here because I know the owners, | the Parseghians, that couple over there.

- See? They're waving. | - They want us to join them.

A few years ago, in a moment | of blazing clarity...

...I forswore ethnic folk dancing, so...

They'll come over and say hello | and maybe... How are you? Hi!

- How are you? | - Hello.

Nice, right?

- Sarah, Mr. and Mrs. Parseghian. | - Hello.

- Welcome, Sarah. | - Thank you.

See you later. We'll drink.

- Absolutely. | - Okay.

- You speak Armenian. | - A little bit.

Well, what did you say?

I asked him, "Where is the youth hostel?" | It's all I remember.

Kind of a joke we have.

What is it that you do, exactly?

God, no wonder I live alone.

I build boats.

You know, these handcrafted | wooden sculls...

...rowing. The racing ones. | - Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Yep.

- Does anyone buy those? | - Nope. Not yet.

Everybody wants all these high-tech...

...fiberglass, you know, no turbulence.

Where's the fun in that ride? | I don't know.

- But they'll come around. | - Don't count on me. I get seasick.

- In the bathtub. | - Really?

Yeah.

You know what? | Can we just skip all the small talk?

- What? | - Can we skip the small talk? Just skip it?

You know, like, who are you? | Who am I?

What are we doing here together?

I have this theory that | when you first meet somebody...

...that's the time when | you have to be totally honest...

...because you have nothing to lose.

Five, 10 years down the road, | gets a lot harder.

You can't say one day, | "Happy anniversary, this is me."

It doesn't work that way. This is it.

We'll never see each other as clearly | and as nakedly as we do in this moment.

Right now. This instant. I'm really | scaring you right now, aren't I?

Just a little bit. Yeah.

But, you know, on the one hand...

...you're very charming and interesting | and you have a lot of energy.

You know, on the other hand, | a little bit scary.

Okay.

Here's my story. | Here's what you need to know.

Okay.

I'm just divorced, | and I had my heart broken badly...

...by a woman that I really loved.

You know, but I think your heart | grows back bigger.

You know? Once you've got | the sh*t beat out of you.

And the universe lets | your heart expand that way.

I think that's the function of all this pain | and heartache that we all go through.

You gotta go through that to come out | to a better place. And that's how I see it.

What about you? Why is | a dazzling woman like you single?

You can do it. | You can just tell the truth.

If you know the truth. | What have we got to lose?

After the dinner we shake hands, | "good night," never see each other again.

All right.

He stopped loving me.

I don't know what I did | or what I didn't do.

He just stopped.

I don't think I've ever said | that out loud before.

See, we just had | an honest moment.

Now we can sit back | and enjoy our food...

...and get to know each other. | I'm Jake.

- Condom? | - You don't have one?

- Why would I have one? | - For occasions like this.

There haven't been | any occasions like this.

- You didn't bring one? | - I didn't want to jinx it.

This preschool of yours, | it's traditional? Developmental?

- Montessori? | - Yeah, yeah. All that. Drugstore!

There's a Rite Aid on 93rd. | Hang a left.

- Should I take the freeway? | - Please turn left!

- Is this the fastest you can go? | - I could go faster, but we'd lift off.

- You drive. | - All right.

For big ones, you need five, | six coats of varnish.

For the singles, | it's a little bit different.

There's one right there. Jackpot!

They're out!

- How can they be out? | - I don't know.

But I have a theory.

Everybody in the whole city | is having sex...

...at the exact same moment | except us.

But we will press on.

What's wrong?

Well, the magic is gone a little.

Okay.

- I mean, I... | - No, no, I understand totally.

Look, you know. | There's other things we can do.

I'd be happy just to stay with you | and look at you all night.

Yeah, I haven't done this | in a while. And...

- And now you don't want to. | - Yeah.

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