Must Love Dogs Page #4

I didn't know there was | a full-figured spectrum.

It's one of those words | they use in personal ads...

...like "Rubenesque" | or "weight proportionate to height."

Hey, it's your ad. You can say | whatever you want, I'm...

Just for the record, girl says "athletic," | she means "flat-chested." Which you're not.

But... This isn't coming out right.

Look, you know, I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm a little nervous. I'm not used | to meeting people this way.

Really? You seem very practiced | and smooth.

- Your ad doesn't do you justice. | - Well, maybe you should rewrite my ad.

- Well, maybe I don't want to. | - And why not?

Because maybe I don't want | anyone else to answer it.

Did you plan on saying | that sometime today?

- No, I didn't. But it's good, isn't it? | - It is good.

- It's a good line. | - Maybe we should try this over again.

Hi, I'm Jake.

Sarah.

So why would you even write an ad? | You don't seem that desperate.

Why would you answer one? | Talk about desperate.

I'm not. I mean, I didn't. | It was my friend's. He gave it to me.

- I didn't write it. My sister did. | - Your sister's ad.

Your brother's dog. | Those your shoes?

Oh, my. Look at the time! | Come on, honey.

What I'm trying to say is | I'd like to get to know you.

I have to get this dog home, and you | don't want to go over on your rental.

Maybe we could try this another time. | You know, without the dogs.

You bet.

I'll call you.

Sarah, for the record...

...you are kind of voluptuous | in a minimalist sort of way.

I'm not sure I'm up for this dinner | at Dad's new girlfriend's house.

- He seems really excited about her. | - Where are Marc and Jason?

They took the kids | to Magic Mountain.

The kids didn't even really | want to go. The dads whined.

Well, they're so spoiled, those dads.

So how was your day today? | At the dog park?

- How did you know about that? | - Who do you think you're dealing with?

- You're good. I have to give you that. | - So come on.

- Tell me. | - Okay.

We got off to kind of a rough start. | But then it was okay, you know?

He was a little intense. He was nervous. | He couldn't stop insulting me.

You know what this sounds like.

- No, it's not. Don't say it. | - But it is. It's a growth opportunity.

I'm not over my last growth opportunity | when you stole Danny Shea.

Will you forget Danny Shea? | He's probably a convicted felon...

...by now, divorced.

- Maybe you should call him. | - Carol.

What about that guy you met | at preschool? You maimed his kid?

- Bob Connor. | - Yeah. Mr. Incorrigible.

I told you, I can't. | He's the father of one of my students.

Yes, honey, but he's not your father. | That's a big step forward for you.

- Bill. | - Dolly.

Hey!

- What a lovely home you have, Dolly. | - Thank you.

When my third husband died, | I decided to give up the big house.

Third out of how many?

And these potholders?

Where did you manage to find them?

Why, everything in this house | is handmade by Dolly.

Oh, yes. She's very creative.

Our mother used to sew all our clothes | when we were younger.

- Sarah. | - Well, she did.

Your father told me | all about your mother, honey.

She must have been | a very special lady.

- She was. | - And you must miss her very much.

- I do. | - And you see me...

...as something of an interloper, | I suppose.

Do you want me to lie down for this?

We're at interloping? | When did that happen?

It's Dad's life. I don't meddle.

Carol, you meddle | in my life all the time.

Well, technically that's not true, | because you don't have a life.

I happen to have a very full life.

Did you even check | all of your messages?

I thought a few were very promising.

- Like who? | - Like the engineer from Oxnard.

- With the sexual dysfunction. | - In what way would he be promising?

You could cure him. | The whole nurse-patient thing.

- You've got it all worked out. | - It was brave of him to be so forthcoming.

- Why don't you call him, then. | - Why don't you.

- Call! I'll give you his number. | - Maybe I will.

- Go for it. | - Okay.

Hey there. Ms. Nolan.

What are you doing yelling | in Whispering Breeze Park?

Look who it is.

- What a surprise. | - Oh, hi, Ms. Nolan. How are you?

- Hi, sweetie. | - Who's that?

- Oh, this is my sister Carol. | - Nice to meet you.

This is Austin, my student, | and his dad, Mr. Connor. Bob.

Actually, I go by Bobby now.

Right. You live here?

Yeah, they cater to the recently | separated and divorced.

But I'm the youngest guy here | by 40 years, so it's good for my morale.

- My wife and I are gonna try it apart. | - I know.

Will you just look at her, son?

Is my little girl lovely | or is my little girl lovely?

Oh, Dad, don't worry | about embarrassing me.

Stop it, Bill. | She is cute as a button, though.

So, what is it you do, Bobby? | Sarah never tells us about her beaus.

I'm finishing my Ph.D. | in American history.

- A biography of Robert E. Lee. | - I always felt sorry for Lee.

Forced to fight against his old friends | and West Point classmates.

Could only dress in gray. Sad.

She's funny too. | A complete package, you know.

When I need extra money, | I work construction.

Well, it sounds very manly. | Do you wear a hardhat?

Sarah was the one who always had | the boys knocking at the door.

- Oh, Dad. | - She had eyes only for that singer.

What was his name? Thin fellow.

- Looked like a girl. | - Mick Jagger.

No, no. Sarah was saving herself | for David Cassidy.

Like you weren't.

- Carol wasn't saving herself for anybody. | - What?

I remember now. It was David Cassidy | of "The Pheasant Family".

Bill. Bill, honey.

"Partridge Family". You know, | I saw him last year in Vegas.

He was good. Hadn't changed a bit. | Same turtleneck.

Sarah had the whole | Partridge act down.

She'd put on the little miniskirt, | the go-go boots...

...and pretend she was Susan Dey.

- This is all a lie. | - Sing the theme song, Sarah.

- Don't make me kill you, Carol. | - You remember the intro.

- No. | - Come on.

Come on.

Oh, that was what he told you.

- It was a great night. | - Great night.

I forgot how much fun those | humiliating family sing-alongs can be.

Can I say one thing | about Mr. Incorrigible?

- Only if you sing it. | - He is hot. And he likes you.

I can't. It's just my luck. | He's the father of one of my students.

He has a Ph.D. and a great ass. | Let's not get dragged down by ethics.

Technically, he doesn't have | his Ph.D. yet.

- But yes, the ass thing, I know. | - God, let's not even mention the eyes.

- The crinkly smile. | - No. That would be wrong.

- So can I ask you a question? | - No.

You never would have left Kevin. | Would you?

If he hadn't left me? | No, I don't think so.

But you weren't really happy.

Well, I figured that was the life I picked, | so I had to make the most of it.

I'm not even sure | I deserve a new life now.

Sometimes I think that was supposed | to be my one chance and I blew it.

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