My Best Friend

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MY BEST FRIEND:

Directed by Lakis Lazopoulos

and Yorgos Lanthimos

My mother said,

to be happy in life,

you should have the memory of

a goldfish which lasts only 3".

Then it forgets everything.

That's why it's always happy.

By the time it realizes

it's in a fishbowl...

it's already forgotten it.

Same with my friend, Alekos.

Except for a couple

of years...

We've been best friends

since we were six.

A hell of a long time.

We want hair

here and now!

We want hair

here and now!

We want hair

here and now!

- What's going on?

- Bald men.

They've blocked

the road.

- Why?

- They want hair here and now.

- Are they filming a commercial?

- And advertise what?

Their reflection,

I don't know.

What'd ya say?

I've got you on wide-angle.

- Lf I miss my plane!...

- Don't shout.

Just trying to

make up the distance.

While we're waiting,

would you like a bergamot?

- Bergamot?

- European!

My company gave me

this 3-day trip to Paris.

And I'm not missing it

because of any bald guy.

- Can't eat anymore.

- I'll eat it.

I don't see us movin'...

- You'll make it.

- So long.

You won't make it.

- Tell me I made it.

- Unfortunately...

"Unfortunately." You say it

so beautifully.

It's all your fault!

Don't you "Was?" me!

Where's your hair?

Oh, God!

I ripped it out!

- You're the boss.

- I'm the boss.

- You're the king.

- I'm the king.

- You're a horse.

- I'm a horse.

- No, I'm a horse.

- And I'm your black rider...

galloping into your

dark little forest.

I'll stuff

this little p*ssy.

- He's here, Mom.

- I'm here.

- Where are the others?

- He's my only friend.

What's it to you?

I cooked all this food!

Who's going to eat it!

We will.

- Can I eat the candle?

- Sure!

Our song!

I'll need a by-pass!

I'll blow up this p*ssy.

Now, the 2nd round

of talks...

I'm Onan Afnan

and you're the Middle East.

- I'm Africa.

- What do you see in the desert?

- Cactus.

- How many?

- What're you thinking?

- What time do the shops close?

Count! Count!

Am I disturbing you?

Am I disturbing you?

- Constantine?

- So you remember my name?

I was drunk. I didn't know

what I was doing.

- Me, too.

- So you f*** your pal's wife?

- You know how it is...

- I'm learning.

Where's my shirt, dammit?

I should've let

you leave.

Your residence permit's

expiring.

Cut it out,

you jerk!

- Alekos...

- What?

- Beat it. Some other time.

- Listen. I love this woman.

I love him too.

I'm crazy about him.

He screws me like

you never have.

He screws me like you

never have. He screws me...

Okay, I get it!

He screws you

like I never have.

Never!

- What's that?

- A knife.

- What're you going to do?

- This has got to end!

Take one, baby.

Thursday's our 6th wedding

anniversary.

I'll be a Greek citizen...

I don't need you

anymore.

He went to Paris and

I never heard from him again.

Constantine was my whole life.

He was my best friend.

If something's happened to him,

I won't be able to bear it!

That's all.

I think we're missing a leg.

The left one's here.

Must be the right.

- The mountain's big.

- And the leg's small.

Good evening.

- May they always be remembered.

- I found it!

Size 42. Right.

That's it.

We don't want a leg

from another murder.

Bring the head,

I want him intact.

He shouldn't feel that

something's missing.

Why didn't we just

throw him in the sea?

This is his favorite mountain,

the one with the antennas.

He said you could speak to

the whole world from here.

So, speak!

Goodbye, pal.

Have you seen

the damn lighter?

Where the hell...?

Where could that

lighter be?

Don't know. I left it here.

I stepped on some gum.

Constantine throws

it everywhere.

The only time he doesn't chew

is when he's not well.

I'm out of here.

A woman? I can tell.

You're in bad shape!

Don't go stay

with your mother.

Mothers are the worst

after a breakup.

"I told you so!"

Not in the state you're in.

How about a

nail clipper?

Sure...

as long as it cuts.

My f***ing cement shares!

Climb, dammit!

Are you going to

use the whole bottle.

I told you to change cologne.

I can't hide the smell.

Why am I so sexy?

Unlimited mileage.

That's how far

I want to go.

Our phone numbers.

Your keys.

If you need anything,

anytime...

I'll manage.

- Th... the signal light.

- Th... th... the key.

You'd think I'd

been f***ed by Dracula!

What now?

OK, Dora, bye.

- Good afternoon, Alekos.

- My damn mobile battery's dead.

It's your mobile battery,

not a pacemaker's.

This chair relaxes me.

- Now I feel calm.

- Are you sure?

Any food? My feet hurt. I've

got to take up tennis again.

- Did Constantine call?

- Not while I was here.

My damn back. I hurt it

trying to open a window.

- Was the view worth it?

- You know my office view.

- You were at work?

- Where else?

Do I win a prize

for the right answer?

- What's for dinner?

- Yesterday's leftovers.

Nothing from the day

before yesterday?

Don't touch me,

don't touch me.

I stink.

I have to shower.

Am I wrong or have you

changed your cologne?

You mean there's none of

that spinach pie left?

Why hasn't he called?

And you're wrong.

She's got a nose like

Cyrano de Bergerac!

Why does that cologne

remind me of something?

You say something, dear?

I can't hear you.

You're so cute today,

Pinocchio.

Yes, you're right.

Divorce him.

The kids can't go on living

in this kind of situation.

The usual.

I've saved a little money.

No! I definitely want

to open a gym.

Definitely!

When I get my citizenship

everything will be different.

I'm really interested

in this work.

Not Constantine.

The phone's ringing. It must be

my husband calling from Paris.

Hi, darling.

Have you arrived?

Yes, darling,

I just left the hotel.

- The weather?

- The weather's fine.

- How's Paris?

- Wonderful.

I'm at the Champs Elysees.

I can see the Arc de Triomphe.

- Don't forget my perfume.

- Yes.

- Who's there?

- Some French people.

You haven't found a

French woman have you?

Are you kidding? I'm not

like that, darling.

The battery's running out.

I'II... I'II... f*** you!

Did she fall for it?

Yes, thanks.

I really appreciate this.

- Dumb women.

- Dumb men.

- A double hotdog.

- With everything?

Yes, just hold the onion.

- It won't fit two.

- Oh, it will.

- This particular roll will.

- You know something I don't.

You know, I did ballet

in my youth.

I'm thinking of taking

it up now...

otherwise I don't see myself

making it.

This reminds me of something.

Let's go.

Look towards the light,

over there.

Good! Lift the

ice-cream higher.

That's great.

Now towards the light.

- You first.

- No, you.

We've been here for hours.

I'm freezing.

The others have been

in and out already.

- What if I get stuck?

- What d'you mean?

I saw two dogs doing it

yesterday and they got stuck...

and everyone laughed.

What if I get stuck?

- Want to hear my theory?

- Want to hear mine?

- Lf I get stuck...

- First of all, you don't bark.

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