My Best Friend Page #2

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And second, I'll come

and unstick you.

- Ready?

- Yes.

Charge!

When I come,

what do I shout?

"Charge," I don't know,

or "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Why shout it,

if I'm doing it?

They'll think

I'm an idiot.

Well, boys,

what's it gonna be?

- Where's the girl?

- I'm the girl.

You?

- Where are you going?

- Mom!

Get back! You're useless!

You've made a fool of me!

Your friend will ruin you!

Get back!

- Hello?

- Hello, who is it?

Is that you, Panayotis?

No, I'm not Panayotis.

I just wanted

to talk to someone.

I dialed this number

at random.

I just wanted to say

that I'm an idiot -

an accomplished idiot...

and that my best friend

is screwing my wife.

I just had to tell someone.

Get some sleep, dear. It's been

ten years. Forget the slut!

Hey pal, you a pilot?

If you're not,

can you do me a favor?

Can you give me

your phone number?

A**hole!

- Move it! I'll explain later.

- Where are we going?

Get back here!

I forgot my keys, but I won't

go back anyway.

- Will I go back?

- Got a light?

Just a minute!

- Do we know each other?

- A light!

Where are you going? Are you

married? D'you have a job?

- Did it light OK?

- It's fine.

I'm not well. Let's walk.

My nerves are on edge.

I'm shaking -

but I won't cry.

If I don't walk right now...

Can I lock the car?

Shall I drive you somewhere?

I can't sit still

right now!

- Venia.

- Constantine.

- We've made a deal, right?

- With...?

- The a**hole, who else!

- Calm down.

- I'm calm.

- Lf you say so.

I'll tell you the whole story.

Tell me if I'm unreasonable.

You're killing me! Go ahead,

take my f***ing stripes, too!

That's all you have to say?

Why're you pressuring me?

You're choking me!

I don't know which way to turn.

What did I do wrong?

I took care of all of you!

Even that bum your brother!

You think I'm made of money?

- Don't you come near me!

- I oughta belt you one!

You leaving?

You wanna leave?

Shut up!

Didn't I tell you,

not more than 6?

Didn't I? I did.

- 6,8, it's all the same.

- 8, 12, 20. Why not an army?

What army?

We said we were gonna

maintain certain standards.

Not more than 6.

Didn't we agree?

We agreed.

Where are you going?

I got my dignity -

my f***ing dignity.

You're not going

to walk all over it.

Didn't you know my problem

with the pilot?

You knew it,

but you brought him anyway.

I swear I didn't know.

Don't go! You're not gonna

blow this marriage.

- I'll blow it sky high!

- My love...

- A**hole!

- My love...

See, I have no problem

with group sex, but...

- Not more than 6.

- Yes, us and 4 others.

It doesn't matter whether

they're men or women...

As long as there are 4...

and no pilots.

I feel I'm suffocating

on planes.

When someone's doing it to you,

and says he's a pilot...

I just can't take it.

I lose it.

Like the plane door's closing

on me and I can't function.

- I shouldn't ask, you say...

- But you ask.

He's screwing you. Shouldn't

you know his line of work?

- It's...

- Just curiousity.

Pilot. It's like he's saying:

"Our relationship is over."

Tell me if I'm

being unreasonable.

I didn't say I'm a pilot.

I said I wanted to be one.

You believe all these years,

I've only been with my wife?

Let me see.

I believe you.

- What's your sign again?

- Leo.

- What did you say?

- Group sex is like Marxism.

All for one and one for all.

You meet different people,

scientists. You learn things.

I learnt the term "bioclimatic

home" during group sex.

- Is that so?

- Would you...

And what did you do

when you saw them?

I'll tell you.

First of all,

I'm afraid of heights.

Excuse me, sir.

You can have 'em.

It's me.

I jumped over to the next

balcony. I wanted to think.

What's there to think about?

They were f***ing.

See, you avoid that

with group sex.

You don't worry about

your friend,

because everyone

does it together.

Good point.

- What're you doing tomorrow?

- You scare me.

I'm supposed to be in Paris

for the next 2 days.

Great. Tomorrow you're

coming with me.

I'm not good with groups.

Forget it.

- No silly, don't you trust me?

- Frankly, no.

You'll come. Let's go to a

hotel and get some sleep.

My feet are killing me.

You'll pay the bill.

Okay, but let's

get my car.

Can you imitate

an elephant? I can.

I can't.

So the black guy undresses

and his "hose" pops out,

I'm spread out like this,

the Chinaman sees it and

is blown away.

It was endless,

like the Great Wall of China.

Have a nice stay.

I'm talkin' to you.

- Was that in New York City?

- Zuberi City last year. Great!

- I'm worn out.

- A real slut!

The a**hole will be

looking for me.

- Do you like your life?

- I hadn't thought about it.

Looks like you've put

everything on hold.

I love the a**hole.

We met at a demonstration.

They were leaving Iran, going

into Irak, I can't remember...

He was a cop and

I enjoyed being beaten up.

- In Iran?

- No, silly.

I felt so guilty. I was leftist

with a communist father.

- It takes a while to get over.

- You're telling me!

Where are we

going tomorrow?

All of Athens spread out

before us. I'm hungry.

- I'll get something.

- Forget it.

All dressed up

for the office move?

No, we're moving

offices on Saturday.

I've got an appointment...

it's business.

Big business...

Company insurance.

It's a transport company.

They move animals.

Animals. Well, that's

something new.

Why? There are all

kinds of companies.

This one moves an animal

from here to there.

Sure, they can't leave it

in the same place.

Are you hiding

something, Alekos?

I don't have a girlfriend.

I swear on the coffee...

I'm about to drink.

- Where are we going?

- Hope it's the right roof.

Are we gonna hang clothes?

- Wait!

- For what?

We can only understand

ourselves by speaking up...

Constantine,

this is Stella.

Meet the members of

the group therapy.

Christos, are you

still here?

I've left, got away, escaped...

Tonight I feel like Cuba with

my cigars, my convertibles...

But you know you can't live in

a country without souvlaki.

I'll tell you a

great joke...

Christ is playing tennis

with Naomi Campbell...

- Give me a break.

- Coming to my cousin's bar?

Tonight's an anniversary...

...of the first time

you jerked off?

- Such talk!

- Oops! I'm off.

Theoni, any e-mails from

the apostle Paul?

How are you,

Mr. Alekos?

When you got the truck

waiting outside...

and Belgium's expecting its

apricots at 8:
13 on the dot...

you can't have an affair

with the woman you met...

when you stopped

for a quick snack.

I like to take my time

with women.

Let's get back

to Harry...

My Mom didn't like any of

the 63 women I took home...

only Nina, who wanted

to marry me.

But Mom said a winter wedding

was unheard of.

"What mother would wear

a coat to her son's wedding?"

I want to get married,

but I can't.

You call that

an accident?

I've got 8 stitches

in my ear!

Because your wife hit you

over the head.

Insure me against

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