My Big Fat Greek Wedding Page #5

Everybody will really like it.

That's good, you've got it.

-I'm not falling for that again.

-Why?

Yeah, why?

Angelo, how do you say,

"Everyone, let's go in the house"?

Everyone...

You're in so much trouble!

This is from Mykonos, beautiful island.

See that? That's where we're from.

You like them? I make them.

Go, sit down. Sit. Come.

Go. Go now.

-Sit down.

-Thank you.

Now you are family.

Okay. All my life...

I had a lump at the back of my neck.

Right here. Always a lump.

Then I started menopause,

and the lump got bigger.

From the hormones, it started to grow.

So, I go to the doctor, and he did the...

the bios... The....

The bubopsy.

Inside the lump, he found teeth...

and a spinal cord.

Yes, inside the lump...

was my twin.

Spanakopita! You hungry?

-I love it when you speak in Greek.

-Really?

It's sexy. Having a good time?

All right! Come on.

Rodney, Harry, ouzo?

Thank you.

It's licorice.

It's delicious.

Another. You're Greeks now. Don't be shy.

Don't worry, I'll be back.

The meat is here, everybody.

Meat. Very good. Very good.

You like some meat?

Some Greek meat, very good.

Red meat, everybody.

-Thank you for food, Gus.

-Real fine.

Coming through.

Bravo, Maria.

And now, the bundt cake.

You fixed it.

I tried. You tried.

We all nice to them, you see it.

And they look at us like we're from the zoo.

This no work, Maria.

They different people.

So dry. That family is like a piece of toast.

No honey, no jam, just dry.

My daughter...

gonna marry Ian Miller.

A xeno with a toast family.

I never think this can happen to us.

I try to put little marmalade....

Oh, no, they don't like.

They like themselves, all dry and cracking.

And in Toula's church...

the best man is actually

part of the ceremony.

He's got to be Greek Orthodox, so...

I can't ask you to be my best man,

although, technically, you are.

You were gonna ask me

to be your best man?

Yeah.

I am touched.

I had no idea you had so few friends.

That's okay. Just get me a little badge

that says "best man" or something like that.

No offence, but this girl's family's

got you by the short ones.

They say "jump,"

and you pull out the trampoline.

Yeah.

Okay.

My life is sh*t.

Toula's got a lot of cousins. Fix you up.

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

What is wrong?

All right.

Is my marriage killing Dad?

Toula, your father is your father.

He just wants you to be happy.

But I am happy.

Listen to me.

My village saw many wars...

Turkish, German...

they all made a mess.

And my mother, she said:

"We're lucky to be alive."

And I thought, "We're not lucky to be alive.

"We're not lucky, when they are telling us...

"where we should live, what we should eat."

Nobody has that right.

And then, I see you.

And I see Athena and Niko.

We came here for you.

So you could live.

I gave you life, so that you could live it.

Ma, the band needs to be picked up

at the airport.

Surprise!

Wait, what is that?

No.

My God!

Where did everybody go?

It is a mosquito bite.

-It's a zit.

-I have cover-up.

Hello, ladies, fresh baklava.

-Get out of here.

-Give me the camera.

Give me the camera.

Toula. Help me.

No boys allowed!

-Nice moustache, Nikki.

-Thank you.

Niko, let's go.

-Dad, is that my tux?

-No, this one.

Nick, go to the airport and pick up the band.

Okay.

Hey, what's that thing?

It's a mosquito bite.

Put some Windex.

I've got the cover-up.

Bravo!

You're all nuts.

We've got another one.

You are supposed to get changed

at my house. Get out.

Let me pop it!

There she is.

Toula, I want to talk to you.

Now?

This is a very special night for you.

You have your duties.

One more, one big one, hold on.

Listen, Toula.

On my wedding night...

my mother, she said to me:

"Greek women,

we may be lambs in the kitchen...

"but we are tigers in the bedroom."

Please, let that be the end of your speech.

What is going on here? Why isn't anyone

ready? The photographer's here.

-You need sponging?

-I'm all right.

More. More on the top. That's it.

More hairspray.

Oh, Maria!

So beautiful.

She's ready!

I'm a snow beast.

You not a snow beast.

My God!

How are we supposed to know

what's going on?

It's all Greek to me.

Rodney!

This is it.

What?

We take our first steps...

as husband and wife.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

-Where are you? Are you in there?

-Yes!

Don't dab. Wipe, wipe off.

-Is that better?

-Yes.

Who did your makeup? Your aunts?

Drag queens could get a few tips

from those aunts.

Oh, my God. Look at me. I'm just covered!

-Like a big, frosted cupcake.

-I know, it's like...

Come on, help me with the veil.

-Hey.

-Yeah, you got it.

Do we have to go in?

Too late to elope now.

Let's go in.

Okay.

Check this out.

It's going down. Thank God.

What?

I woke up with this huge zit this morning.

-Where?

-There.

-I had a huge zit this morning.

-You did?

-Yeah.

-Where is it?

Well, it was right here. But it's gone.

Why?

I put some Windex on it.

Hello.

Welcome to the Portokalos family.

And welcome...

the Miller family.

I was thinking, last night...

the night before...

my daughter was going to marry Ian Miller...

that the root of the word "miller"...

is a Greek word.

And "miller" come from...

the Greek word milo...

which is mean "apple. "

There you go.

As many of you know...

our name Portokalos...

is come from the Greek word portokali...

which means "orange. "

So, okay...

here tonight...

we have apple and orange.

We all different...

but, in the end, we all fruit.

Yes, we are all fruit.

My wife and me, we have a gift.

That's what we do. The parents give a gift.

Here.

My God!

They bought us a house.

Thank you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I don't believe it.

A house!

Thia Voula, we're going to dance.

-I know, dear. Let me get Taki.

-Okay.

Athena, I'm going to be a painter.

Good. You can start with our fence.

This is just a really nice wedding.

Good. We're going to dance now. Come on.

No.

I'll need a little more ouzo before I do that.

What do you say?

Bottoms up.

-All right.

-Let's go, Harry.

Come on, Kosta.

All right.

Oh, Taki.

He looks Greek.

Yia sou, Ian.

Sometimes, I'm afraid that it didn't happen.

I'm scared I'll wake up

and still be buttering garlic bread...

waiting for my life to start.

But it did happen. It did!

And I figured out some stuff.

My family is big and loud...

but they're my family.

We fight and we laugh.

And yes, we roast lamb on a spit

in the front yard.

And wherever I go, whatever I do...

they will always be there.

So, Ian and I moved into the house

my parents bought us.

A minute later, I was pregnant.

And six years later, it was our

daughter's turn to go to Greek school.

Mom, I want to go to Brownies.

I know, but I promise you this.

You can marry anybody you want.

Thanks, baby.

Greek school, pame.

What's that mean?

"Let's go."

-Let's go.

-That's pretty good.

-Looking good, Gus.

-Hi, Dad.

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