My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

FADE IN:

EXT. CHICAGO STREETS - DAWN

Ah, it’s Fall. Not in a cozy, peaceful way. In that slushy

miserable Midwest way. Strong winds bend the trees of

Lakeshore Drive. Grey rain drips from the Magnificent Mile

storefronts to the street signs of the suburbs.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PORTOKALOS HOUSE - EARLY MORNING

The lights turn on at the Portokalos house.

CUT TO:

EXT. PORTOKALOS HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

A large old black Cadillac backs down the driveway of the

Corinthian-columned home. It drives at a wrong angle.

Stops. Drives forward, corrects. Backs out again. Corrects

again. Backs out.

The car drives ten feet and stops at the very next home.

SFX:
HONKING.

That house door opens.

CUT TO:

I/E. CAR/MILLER HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

CLOSE-UP:
A smudged “HAPPINESS IS BEING GREEK” Greek flag

cover on an OPA! license plate.

PAN UP....

INT. GUS’S CADILLAC/MILLER HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

SFX:
Car door closing.

Through the windshield, in the passenger seat, TOULA

PORTOKALOS, 40’s, is burrowed in a scarf, her glasses fog

with every breath.

(CONTINUED)

2

CONTINUED:

GUS PORTOKALOS, 70’s, looks to his right, concerned. He is

about to put the car in gear, but then:

GUS:

You better get married, you’re

starting to look old.

Startled, Toula looks up, realizes her dad is not talking to

her. In fact, he is looking in the rear-view mirror, at the

back seat. At Toula’s daughter.

TOULA:

Dad!! You can’t say that to her!

PARIS, Gus’s 17 year old granddaughter, pops forward, looks

at him with horror and dismay.

PARIS:

Pappou!!

Gus shrugs, puts the car in gear. Toula, not looking

together this morning, or ever, shakes her head.

TOULA (V.O.)

Well, that’s a family tradition.

My dad used to say that to me and

now he just said it to my daughter.

She’s 17.

CUT TO:

EXT. MILLER HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

WIDE SHOT:
The car, in front of the modest Miller home, which

is beside the Portokalos home, now drives....

TOULA (V.O.)

My family worries about each other.

We’re close. Extremely close.

.... ten feet, stops at the very next house. This house is

decorated with all things Greek, complete with a Parthenon

Marbles door frame.

Toula’s brother, NICK PORTOKALOS, 40, waves from the window.

TOULA (V.O.)

We see no difference between

hugging and suffocation.

(CONTINUED)

3

CONTINUED:

Gus honks. (Annoyed every morning, NEIGHBORS glare out

windows.)

CUT TO:

I/E. GUS’S CADILLAC/NICK’S HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

Gus wags a finger.

GUS:

Toula, find your daughter a Greek

boyfriend before she does what you

did.

TOULA:

What the -

GUS:

Married a Xeno -

TOULA:

My husband -

GUS:

Not Greek, a Xeno --

TOULA:

How can you say that-

Paris leans forward, angry at her mother.

PARIS:

Stop.

Chagrined, Toula turns and looks out the windshield.

TOULA (V.O.)

Do I speak for all mothers of teens

when I ask, does it ever get

better?

Gus lowers Toula’s window, cold wind and leaves hit her in

the face.

CUT TO:

EXT. NICK’S HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

Nick’s wife, ILARIA, 30’s, pregnant, waves as her TWIN BOYS,

4, pull MARIA PORTOKALOS, 70’s, holding the “leashes” of

their harness backpacks.

(CONTINUED)

4

CONTINUED:

MARIA:

(yells)

Gus, I put your pills by your

coffee.

GUS (O.C.)

Yeah, yeah...

Nick, a parka over a robe, runs out with COSTA, 9.

CUT TO:

I/E. GUS’S CADILLAC/NICK’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Gus is always thrilled at the sight of his son.

GUS:

Nicko!

Nick leans in the passenger window, holds up Costa’s project

on, of course, Greece.

NICK:

Hey, hey. Dad, pop the trunk, I’m

freezing my ‘nads off.

Costa climbs over Paris, squishes too close, wags a finger

like an old Greek man.

COSTA:

Too much makeup.

Toula sees Paris is annoyed being schooled by a ‘tween.

GUS:

Costa, did you finish drawing

Alexander the Great?

COSTA:

(proudly)

Uh huh. And I sculpted a Parthenon

out of soap.

Costa holds up a crudely carved blob. And a typed page.

COSTA (CONT’D)

Oh no, spell-check corrected

Spanakopita to Spina Bifida.

Gus lowers the back window, Nick leans in to kiss Costa, who

giggles and kisses him back.

(CONTINUED)

5

CONTINUED:

TOULA (V.O.)

Ah, kisses from your child. That’s

over.

Impatient to go, Gus points to a house, and drives off.

CUT TO:

EXT. ATHENA’S HOUSE/STREET - DAY, CONTINUOUS

A Greek flag waves from a post, and a la the islands, the

house is whitewashed with a bright blue dome roof. Holding

her BABY SON, ATHENA, late 40’s, and her husband YIANNI, late

40’s, appear.

TOULA (V.O.)

My sister did it right. Just as

her sons became possessed by the

teen wolf hormones, she’d just pop

out another one.

Gus honks hello. Athena yells back into the house.

ATHENA:

Move it, Aristotle!!

Athena hands the baby to Yianni, steps out on a Mykonosshaped

welcome mat -- it plays the Greek National Anthem.

ARISTOTLE, 9, runs out and by Athena.

YIANNI:

(yells)

Put on your hat!

CUT TO:

I/E. GUS’S CADILLAC/ATHENA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Aristotle puts on his hat, crawls over Paris, squishes

between her and Costa.

ATHENA:

Paris, come by the restaurant some

time.

ARISTOTLE:

You should butter the garlic bread.

PARIS:

Can’t wait.

(CONTINUED)

6

CONTINUED:

ATHENA:

(not getting it)

Yeah, it’s fun.

Athena licks her thumb, wipes food off Aristotle’s cheek.

Then tries to do the same to Paris’s mascara.

ATHENA (CONT’D)

Toula, you seen these eyes? You

and Ian better fix that.

TOULA:

(nope)

Yep.

GUS:

Okay bye!

Gus drives as Athena yells out.

ATHENA:

After school you have hockey!

Your brothers are coming so make

sure you score!

Gus drives off as Aristotle blows kisses to his mom.

GUS:

You’ll score, the Greeks invented

hockey.

Paris eye rolls in the back, Toula eye rolls in the front.

But Costa and Aristotle vehemently nod.

COSTA:

Yes, because what do you play

hockey on? Ice.

ARISTOTLE:

What is the Greek word for ice.

Payo.

COSTA:

Payo, puck, there you go.

ARISTOTLE:

There you go.

GUS:

There you go....

Paris and Toula scowl out the windows of the car.

(CONTINUED)

7

CONTINUED:
(2)

The NOSY/CRANKY NEIGHBOR, MRS. WHITE, 60’s, walks her dog and

grimaces as the Cadillac passes her. Gus good-naturedly

honks hello. Mrs. White jumps, then swears under her breath.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHICAGO SUBURBS - DAY

Gus’s Cadillac drives.

GUS (O.C.)

Now give me a word, any word and I

will show you how the root of that

word is Greek-

ARISTOTLE (O.C.)

Facebook!

CUT TO:

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL STREET/STEPS - DAY

GUS (V.O.)

The Greeks invented Facebook. We

called it the telephone.

Gus’s car pulls up. The boys head to the lower school. Toula

watches Paris get out. Of course, Gus has one more nugget of

wisdom:

GUS:

Paris, keep your eyeballs open now

for a nice Greek boy. Make babies,

don’t waste your eggs.

Toula winces. Paris can barely contain her revulsion.

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