My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 Page #8

TOULA:

Yeah, you can’t unsee that.

GUS (O.C.)

What’s going on?

MARIA (O.C.)

Just be quiet.

As Maria argues with Gus, the men look at each other.

IAN:

Do we call an ambulance?

Toula and Nick shake their heads at Ian.

NICK:

It’ll make him feel old.

TOULA:

He’d never forgive you.

(CONTINUED)

53

CONTINUED:
(2)

IAN:

Me?

NICK:

Well, you’d call. And we’d have to

tell him you called.

IAN:

C’mon, how do we do this?

NICK:

When I was in the kitchen, to

season a roast, we had to get our

hands under it and turn it over.

Toula realizes what he is suggesting and grimaces.

ANGELO:

Sure, I flipped a dead body once -

Ian opens drawers, cupboards.

IAN:

Surely the man has a pair of

shorts!

Maria comes out, shuts the door.

MARIA:

Okay, I put a towel over his

private area -

GUS (O.C.)

A big one.

Maria rolls her eyes.

MARIA:

Yes, yes Gus, a big one.

She shakes her head to everyone.

Ian, Nick, Angelo and Yianni look at each other -- they have

to do this.

IAN:

So, what’s our plan again?

NICK:

We roll him over --

(CONTINUED)

54

CONTINUED:
(3)

ANGELO:

-- then he’s on his hands and knees

and up.

MARIA:

That will work.

The men nod, head toward the bathroom with Ian trailing.

IAN:

Wait, how would that work?

Nick ignores Ian, turns back and looks at the other men.

NICK:

Ready?

IAN/YIANNI/ANGELO

Nuh uh./No./God no.

Nick opens the door and they head in.

CUT TO:

INT. PORTOKALOS BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Gus sits in the tub. Ian, Nick, Angelo and Yianni run in:

GUS:

Why are your eyes closed?

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. PORTOKALOS HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT

RED and BLUE LIGHTS illuminate houses. An AMBULANCE and a

FIRE TRUCK are in front of the Portokalos family home.

AT THE BASE OF THE DRIVEWAY/ON THE SIDEWALK:

SEVERAL NEIGHBORS watch the drama. The cranky neighbor, Mrs.

White, walks up, sees the yellow tape.

MRS. WHITE

I always knew there’d be a murder

here.

Mike pulls up in his squad car, goes into the house.

IN THE DRIVEWAY:

(CONTINUED)

55

CONTINUED:

Ian, Nick, Angelo and Yianni sit on the ambulance back

fender. They shudder, huddled in blankets, all being treated

for cuts, bruises and sprains.

Aunt Voula appears with a bottle of Metaxa.

AUNT VOULA:

This will take away your pain.

Twice I drank it and gave birth

without drugs.

Aunt Voula leans in to the AMBULANCE ATTENDANT:

AUNT VOULA (CONT’D)

One of my ovaries never put out an

egg. Not one. The other one would

spit out two a month. I could feel

it, right here. Ping, ping. But

the left ovary? Nothing. It was

closed, like a stuck zipper....

Toula rubs Ian’s shoulders.

TOULA:

You okay?

Ian blinks and opens his eyes.

IAN:

I still see it.

They share the bottle, sipping Metaxa.

TOULA:

Does this count as a date?

Ian gives her a wry smile, but shakes his head, no.

Suddenly, Toula holds her arms out to him.

TOULA (CONT’D)

I’m sorry -

Then-

MARIA (O.C.)

Toula!

TOULA:

Coming!

Toula and Ian sigh and she runs toward the house.

(CONTINUED)

56

CONTINUED:
(2)

As she passes, Toula notices the neighbors, including Marge

and Edie, the Volunteer Committee moms, watching it all.

EDIE:

Here comes a stretcher.

MRS. WHITE

Ah. I’m sure the grandma finally

went.

MARGE:

What was she, a hundred and twenty?

MRS. WHITE

Must have slept in pickle juice.

Mrs. White turns, sees Mana-Yiayia right beside her and jumps

as if she’s seen a ghost. Mana-Yiayia doesn’t bat an eye.

AT THE HOUSE:

Gus is wheeled out to the ambulance in the driveway.

GUS:

I’m fine!

Maria follows.

MARIA:

No fine! Toula go to the hospital.

GUS:

You’re not coming?!

MARIA:

No. Because guess why? Family

members only. That means children

and wife. If you had one!

The Neighbors murmur at this salacious morsel.

Marge and Edie look at each other with glee.

MARGE:

What?

Edie giggles.

The ATTENDANTS push Gus’s stretcher down the driveway.

Gus’s POV:
Maria gets smaller and smaller. And smaller.

Suddenly, Gus sits up and cries out.

(CONTINUED)

57

CONTINUED:
(3)

GUS:

Maria, please, will you marry me?!

The entire FAMILY and NEIGHBORHOOD wait.

Maria pauses, then satisfied, nods once.

MARIA:

Yes, okay, I’ll marry you. Toula,

take me to the hospital.

TOULA:

I’ll get my car.

Toula heads down the driveway, and sees the neighbors on the

sidewalk, whispering.

EDIE:

... such a weird family.

MARGE:

Odd people.

Toula shakes her head but ignores them.

Toula now sees:
Paris is in the Miller driveway... she heard.

Angry, Toula turns back to the neighbors.

TOULA:

What?

Marge and Edie look up, caught, but not chagrined.

MARGE:

You mean pardon?

TOULA:

No, I mean, what. As in what is

wrong with you? You’re standing on

our lawn making fun of my family?

Oh we’re so weird, oh we smell like

burnt oregano and feta cheese. I

got it. But that’s my dad going

into that ambulance, my dad --

Toula fights back tears. Paris steps forward, puts her arm

around her mom.

PARIS:

Good night everyone.

The Neighbors quickly disperse.

(CONTINUED)

58

CONTINUED:
(4)

Paris slowly walks her mom to their driveway.

PARIS (CONT’D)

I’ll come to the hospital too.

Toula puts a hand on her daughter.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PORTOKALOS HOUSE - NEXT DAY

The black Cadillac backs out of the Portokalos driveway,

stops at the Miller home. Toula and Paris hurry out.

CUT TO:

I/E. GUS’S CADILLAC/NICK’S HOUSE - DAY, CONTINUOUS

Maria is driving, tired and still mad. Toula rubs her eyes.

There’s a knock on Maria’s window: it’s Marge and Edie.

Toula looks back at Paris. Maria opens the window.

MARGE:

Good morning.

EDIE:

How’s your husband?

MARIA:

He’ll live. So I can kill him.

Toula is surprised at the women’s empathy. Maria drives.

MARIA (CONT’D)

What was that?

PARIS:

Basically Mom told them to suck it.

Toula realizes she did.

MARIA:

Good. Paris, you come from a long

line of strong women.

TOULA:

Which means, you can choose your

own seven-year-old boyfriend.

(CONTINUED)

59

CONTINUED:

Toula sees that for the first time in a long time, Paris

smiles at something she said.

PARIS:

So, Yiayia, are you and Pappou

really going to get married now?

Now Maria grins.

MARIA:

Yes, and this time, I’m doing it

right!

CUT TO:

A GREEK SINGER sings WHITE WEDDING over.... A MONTAGE!

CUT TO:

INT. KLEINFELD BRIDAL - DAY

Holding out her brochure, a CHIC WEDDING PLANNER walks in

smiling. Then she glares at:

PULL BACK:
Maria, Aunt Voula and Athena going through the

racks of creamy, dreamy dresses.

In the front window Mana-Yiayia poses in a wedding dress.

CUT TO:

INT. FLORIST - EARLY EVENING

The Wedding Planner presents cream and white flowers. Toula

and Nikki see Maria reach for her choice - a giant bouquet of

orange birds of paradise.

CUT TO:

INT. WEDDING BAKERY - DAY

The Wedding Planner shows a demure cake and is shocked when

Maria, Athena and Nikki love a garish cake.

CUT TO:

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